Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I wasting my time?

(56 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

WineIsFineAtNine Mon 21-Mar-16 17:24:46

I'm sitting in a pub waiting for an OLD to text. We went on a fabulous date last Monday and I ended up goon home with him which resulted in sex 5 times in one night stealth boast. He called me the following day but I screened his calls as I prefer to text. We were texting fine and have been 'sexting'. He then asked to meet on Saturday night which I was willing to do- however he text me a short while beforehand that he was too tired and needed to sleep (he does have a very stressful job in the legal industry).

We then agreed to meet tonight, he text me last night saying he would be late tonight as he is going to an engagement party. I ignored the text but he still hasn't text me a time or location to say when we are meeting tonight?!

FWIW he isn't already in a relationship because I have been to his house and he was definitely single.

Is he interested?

WineIsFineAtNine Mon 21-Mar-16 17:25:12

Please excuse the typos!

Homelesslove Mon 21-Mar-16 17:40:08

Well it is highly rude to cancel on someone on a Saturday night. I might possibly let them off it was an emergency but to say he was tired is an insult.

As for tonight, if he can only make it 'late' you know that means a shag only.

It depends what you want really. If you want more than fwb I would make yourself unavailable tonight and only see him on a proper night out next time.

Jan45 Mon 21-Mar-16 17:51:33

That's some boast lol.

Sorry but I don't think it's looking good, sex at the start and sex talk usually means just that.

DarrenHardysDrongo Mon 21-Mar-16 17:55:40

After he cancelled on Saturday night, what was the process to where you agreed to meet tonight? Did you suggest rescheduling or was he all contrite about being tired and it was his suggestion?

If someone new text me fairly short notice on a Saturday night to cancel due to being tired I'd be unimpressed and would wonder if they were trying to bin me off. That's why I'm wondering who suggested tonight instead.

WellErrr Mon 21-Mar-16 17:58:23

Are you just looking for sex? If so, you've found it.

If you're after a relationship, doesn't sound like this is going to be it.

forumdonkey Mon 21-Mar-16 17:59:15

An engagement party on a Monday???

forumdonkey Mon 21-Mar-16 18:15:13

Did he turn up OP? If not I'd be off and open a bottle of wine at home.

DarrenHardysDrongo Mon 21-Mar-16 18:19:13

I thought it was odd to be going to an engagement party on a Monday, too donkey, although I guess it could be that the couple are working together and having a work celebration.
But reading the OP again it sounds like it was arranged last minute, as Wine says they'd arranged to mee tonight and then got a text about the party. confused
OP's gone quiet, hopefully he's turned up and they're aiming for six times tonight grin

Slowdecrease Mon 21-Mar-16 18:26:44

Why did you ignore his text? What sort of game is that?

WineIsFineAtNine Wed 23-Mar-16 14:28:37

I thought I would update you all- we met at 11pm in the end, I was in a bad mood with him and he asked me what was wrong but I said I was fine. We then got back to his house and started to have sex. He tried to talk me into anal sex (again, he does this a lot) and I refused. He asked why I refused now if I had done anal with a past partner. I explained that I didn't like anal so that was irrelevant- he continued to push me for it and said if I had found it to be painful in the past then I 'wasn't doing it right'. We then stopped having sex and I moved to the otherside of the bed. He asked what was wrong and said I was in a mood with him etc. The subject of pregnancy then came up and I said I have had two abortions previously (I'm 46 so these were a long time ago and I don't have a problem talking about it- I actually think it's good people see the 'human face' of abortion) and he said that was ridiculous and asked if I liked to get pregnant on purpose!

As I didn't have a way of getting home I stayed at his house but slept on the otherside of the bed and told him (I was drunk blush) he should join an anal sex meet up site. So there, he probably knew I wasn't into him then.

We had sex in the morning and straight afterwards he said now would be a good time for me to leave. I left my necklace at his house (accidentally) and he text me to say he would drop it into my work but I told him it didn't matter and to put it in the bin. It's definitely over, isn't it?

WineIsFineAtNine Wed 23-Mar-16 14:38:01

Do you think I upset him? I know he's a twat but I would like a friends with benefits arrangement but feel this is now past redemption

whatdoIget Wed 23-Mar-16 14:42:06

He's horrible! Find someone who's at least tolerable to be a FWB, and who doesn't constantly try to pressure you into doing something you don't want. Hopefully you did upset him because he deserves to be upset, but unfortunately he probably doesn't care enough to be upset.

onlyslightlyinterested Wed 23-Mar-16 14:43:30

I can't believe you had sex with him in the morning....

Belikethatthen Wed 23-Mar-16 14:44:40

You only met him twice but he is always pestering you for anal sex? Presumably sexting confused.

A fwb arrangement can be great but sorry this sounds really horrible and turned my stomach while reading it. You don't appear to like each other, were insulting each other, he didn't accept what you said re anal sex, he chucked you out in the morning... Honestly I would run a mile. Why would you want to put yourself through that again? Degrading.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 23-Mar-16 14:47:55

Good grief you have set your bar very very low.
Why is that?
Have you had any good relationships in the past?
I think enroling on the Freedom Programme with Womens Aid might be just what you need.
He's an absolute cock of the highest order.
Do not lower yourself and see him again.
Please set your bar higher for future relationships.

StuRedman Wed 23-Mar-16 14:48:13

I can't believe you had sex with him in the morning! He sounds horrible. You're well rid.

SleepyRoo Wed 23-Mar-16 14:49:01

He sounds beyond horrible and it also seems as if you don't even like him. You can do better.

HappyGirlNow Wed 23-Mar-16 14:49:46

He sounds horrible but you sound odd and so much drama! I'd leave it confused

Jan45 Wed 23-Mar-16 14:50:51

Eeeew, who even says that to someone they hardly know, anal sex is very much an activity a couple who have been together a long time and have mutual trust.

Why do you care what he thinks, why do you even want to know him now, total creep!

WineIsFineAtNine Wed 23-Mar-16 14:51:13

Through sexting and on both occasions he has asked for anal sex. He admitted the feel of it is only 'ok' but he likes it because it's 'taboo'. The problem is I can't handle rejection, so even though he isn't the nicest of people I don't like the thought of him deciding he doesn't want me in his life.

NotTheSpiceOfLife Wed 23-Mar-16 14:52:31

Jesus christ. I'm all for a FWB situation if you're up for it, but fgs make it ,a mutually respectful thing. This bloke is a complete prick.

Set the bar higher. This is supposed to be something that's beneficial to you, not for you to just be used when he feels like it.

Belikethatthen Wed 23-Mar-16 14:52:57

But you're 46 and you have only met him twice. Not seeing him again is not being rejected. It's deciding you're not going to be treated like dirt.

WineIsFineAtNine Wed 23-Mar-16 14:53:10

I've never had a successful relationship- I was in love once and he was emotionally unavailable (it only lasted 8 weeks and we were never official). Since then I've had a series of disastrous even shorter lived flings... I'm 46 sad

WineIsFineAtNine Wed 23-Mar-16 14:54:18

Do you think knowing I've had abortions in the past out him off?

This thread is not accepting new messages.