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Banter. When is it too much?

(42 Posts)
lolo14 Mon 21-Mar-16 15:01:31

I've been seeing someone for 6 weeks now, met through OLD. He's done almost everything right bar one thing... pushing it too far with banter. I like to banter, it can be very funny but he's referred to me as things such as bitch. He always says he's joking but I've warned him a few times but a few nights ago was the last straw. Considering we don't know one another that well, it's really pissing me off. I told him so, in no uncertain terms.

It's a shame as he's great other than that but my tolerance levels are low.

I've always had issues with men doing this with me, I guess I could back off on the banter but it's part of who I am. The difference being I don't use derogatory names to get a laugh.

Anyone experienced anything similar?

KramerVSKramer Mon 21-Mar-16 15:05:41

He should be able to read your boundaries and move his to complement.

Is he high on emotional intelligence in other ways as he isn't in this one!

lolo14 Mon 21-Mar-16 15:07:19

He's not getting the message so I'd say he's lacking in sensitivity and emotional intelligence in this regard. I think I'll give him the old heave ho

Anniegetyourgun Mon 21-Mar-16 15:17:24

It's too much when you don't like it. Heave ho sounds like the sensible answer. A bit of two-way teasing is fine but it sounds like your ex-date is just rude, actually.

Summerlovinf Mon 21-Mar-16 15:31:11

I don't think it's appropriate or acceptable for a date to call you a bitch. He sounds like a misogynist to me. I'd dump him.

KramerVSKramer Mon 21-Mar-16 15:42:11

If he's doing that now, what will it be like after a few years? Where has he learnt to speak to a lady like this?

Bin the fool.

nauticant Mon 21-Mar-16 15:51:39

It doesn't sound like he wants to tone it down. Banter is one of those things that once it's even slightly over the boundary becomes tiresomely wearing pretty quickly.

TheNaze73 Mon 21-Mar-16 15:55:50

You've spelt it out & he's not listened. Bin him off

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 21-Mar-16 16:43:46

It's too much when it crosses your limits, and if he won't heed them he's not interested in respecting you.

FWIW, in my book, calling someone a bitch is an immediate deal breaker.

JackandDiane Mon 21-Mar-16 16:49:36

why were you called a bitch/

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Mon 21-Mar-16 16:52:39

1) I'd dump any man who called me a bitch, either joking or otherwise. Even once. I wouldn't want to be with the sort of man who needed to be told that was inappropriate.

2) I'd dump any man who trampled over such clearly defined boundaries.

Both deal breakers for me. Instantly.

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Mon 21-Mar-16 16:53:18

Oh and you should have low tolerance levels for that sort of thing. You almost sound apologetic. You shouldn't be.

lolo14 Mon 21-Mar-16 18:34:07

I am not going to see him again, it's bloody immature and idiotic. Low tolerance in that I kicked off at him and wasn't polite back, he doesn't deserve it. Binning will occur. He thinks it's funny to call me it as he know it winds me up. He needs to grow up. Thanks ladies grin

RedMapleLeaf Mon 21-Mar-16 18:43:27

why were you called a bitch

Because he's unkind and chooses to ignore other people's expectations of how they are spoken to?

Summerlovinf Mon 21-Mar-16 22:17:02

You'll be free to find someone who is much nicer...or to enjoy yourself being single for a bit

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Tue 22-Mar-16 00:22:01

Well he sounds like an utter idiot. You're well rid.

AnyFucker Tue 22-Mar-16 00:43:24

Well done for binning him

What a tosser

VertigoNun Tue 22-Mar-16 00:50:11

What exactly is banter? Is it joking, chatting or teasing? I can never work out what it is.

AnyFucker Tue 22-Mar-16 00:54:54

It's the excuse dickheads make for subtle and unsubtle verbal abuse

VertigoNun Tue 22-Mar-16 01:01:50

That makes sense as the term is used in TOWIE and I have not heard it used in rl.

redskirt3 Tue 22-Mar-16 02:01:26


HelenaDove Tue 22-Mar-16 02:38:26


VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Tue 22-Mar-16 04:05:38

I have zero tolerance for banter. Remember that he's presenting his best self to you now and trying to impress you - if that includes calling you a bitch please imagine what delights you would have in store if you stay with him...

lolo14 Tue 22-Mar-16 05:22:54

I'm fuming as I deserve respect. What an absolute tool he is. Good bloody riddance!

NickiFury Tue 22-Mar-16 05:35:19

I'm not a massive fan of "banter". We just used to call it having a laugh together and it was generally on an equal footing and enjoyable. I am not sure why it needs its own label and I think it's easy for it to become hurtful or annoying especially as there seems to be a certain amount of competitiveness attached to it.

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