Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Finally gone no contact with ExPil

(14 Posts)
OceansAbyss Sun 20-Mar-16 20:31:30

I have come to the decision after a situation this week where ExMil really upset DD.

There is a massive history there but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I went to see her today and told her that it stopped here. She won't ever get the chance to hurt my little girl and use her as a pawn to satisfy her own agenda ever again.

How do I explain this to DD. She is so innocent (4.5) and even though her Gran was the cause of the upset this week there is also a massive back story. Like all kids she forgives without a second though and forgets easily. Although their relationship wasn't anything special, she is her Grandmother and eventually she will ask.

How do I handle this?

Hamsolo Sun 20-Mar-16 20:38:26

Does your exH not have contact with the children? If he chooses to let his parents see the kids, I don't think you can stop him.

Sounds like an awful situation. You have my sympathy!

OceansAbyss Sun 20-Mar-16 20:39:45

No he has no contact, hasn't really since she was a newborn. There were a couple of periods of supervised access but he never stuck with it and made it pretty clear he wasn't interested.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 20:43:15

How often has your dd had contact with her paternal dgps and has she had overnight stays with them?

OceansAbyss Sun 20-Mar-16 21:40:09

No overnights. She saw her Gran once every 3 weeks or so for a couple of hours. Grandad less. Maybe two or three time a year, he would sometimes go out with the two of them so couldn't say for definite, might have been a little bit more.

OceansAbyss Mon 21-Mar-16 08:29:49

Anyone have advice on how to explain this to her when she asks?

OceansAbyss Tue 22-Mar-16 18:03:22

Last attempt?

DoreenLethal Tue 22-Mar-16 18:07:41

What is she going to ask exactly? She is 4, just say Grannie is not able to come over, don't mention her pro actively and eventually she will drop off the radar.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Tue 22-Mar-16 18:09:12

Gran did some very unkind things and she wouldn't stop even though I asked her to, so we won't see her anymore.

NNalreadyinuse Tue 22-Mar-16 18:09:20

If this was me, I would just tell her that her grandparents were not kind people and this is why you don't see them.

At her young age, I think he won't have much awareness of time and it won't be as big a deal as you think - it's not like she was seeing them everyday. If she asks when she will be seeing them, just say, not today sweetie and change the subject

I strongly believe that children should only have people in their lives who are positive influences.

OceansAbyss Tue 22-Mar-16 18:15:50

That was my thinking. I'm just worried as she's a very inquisitive child and has said things about maybe friends we haven't seen for a while that she hasn't seen them in ages and ask why (repeatedly). Usually I can say that we'll catch up soon or something like that but I don't want to lie to her.

Thanks. I think I'll just try and explain and simplistically as possible.

Atenco Wed 23-Mar-16 06:26:14

I know my mother stopped taking me to see our aunt at about that age, and it never occurred to me to ask why, though maybe I just wasn't an inquisitive child.

OceansAbyss Wed 23-Mar-16 09:11:17

Everything has a why these days 🙈 drives me mad grin

0dfod Wed 23-Mar-16 09:48:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now