Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

help me word a Dear John text please?

(87 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 20-Mar-16 12:25:36

We have been seeing each other a short while but he is not my cup of tea after all. He is certainly not going to crumple into a heap when he gets my text (and it will be too difficult and take too long to tell him face to face) but I don't need to be nasty at all.

What do I say?

Rainatnight Sun 20-Mar-16 12:26:46

Do you really have to do it by text?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Sun 20-Mar-16 12:29:20

I wouldn't text, you don't need to give a long explanation, just call him and say you've enjoyed his company but don't think you see a long term relationship with him.

Justwanttosay Sun 20-Mar-16 12:29:42

Tell him the truth .....

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sun 20-Mar-16 12:30:01

Don't text. That's cowardly.

category12 Sun 20-Mar-16 12:31:43

"sorry this isn't working for me. Think it's better to end things now. Best wishes for the future." or something.

I don't see anything wrong with ending it by text, rather than manufacturing a reason to see the person to have 'the talk'.

BeautifulMaudOHara Sun 20-Mar-16 12:32:41

"Hello X. It's been fun but I don't think we are right for each other and so I'd like to leave it at that and agree to stay friends but nothing more. I hope all goes well for you, thanks for (whatever add something ) , cheers "

rookiemere Sun 20-Mar-16 12:33:00

I'd text too blush. No point in having an awkward conversation with someone. I'd go for Lois's wording - you had fun together but you're looking for different things, which is kind of what you've said in your original post.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 20-Mar-16 12:34:12

He lives quite far from me (45 minutes drive) and the next time I would see him would be Wednesday night.

Is a text really cowardly? Even if after just 5 or 6 dates? Suppose it is...

ClashCityRocker Sun 20-Mar-16 12:35:19

If it is a short while, a text or phonecall is fine. I'd be most pissed off if a date arranged to meet me, I'd got ready expecting a nice evening to be told 'it's just not happening'.

Just say you don't feel a connection or something of that ilk.

Or you could go down the Homer Simpson route 'welcome to dumpsville.'.

ElderlyKoreanLady Sun 20-Mar-16 12:35:33

How short is short? If just 2 or 3 weeks I don't see an issue with a text. Any more than that and I'd probably up it to a phone call. A text might also be quite inappropriate if he's very keen, even if we're talking a very short time together.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 20-Mar-16 12:36:11

That's the thing, rookiemere - that awkward phone conversation!

The specifically asked the last man I dated to tell me by text if he wanted to end it. I did not want to have to hear it face to face in case I cried or something daft. I don't want that uncomfortable "do we hug good bye or don't we" thing.

I am probably going to text.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 20-Mar-16 12:36:56

ClashCityRocker!! HAHAHA!!! "Welcome to Dumpsville"!

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sun 20-Mar-16 12:39:02

Why not ring him?

rookiemere Sun 20-Mar-16 12:40:04

Well if I look back to my dating days, most guys modus operandi for dumping was simply to disappear off the face of the planet and go completely incommunicado.

I think provided you let him know then that's fine and these days I tend to have very few telephone conversations, at least a text allows him to gather his thoughts and contact you back if he feels he needs to.

category12 Sun 20-Mar-16 12:40:21

Just text him! :D

I wouldn't want a phone call and I certainly wouldn't want to turn up to a date or "we need to talk" meeting, only to be ditched in person. You live too far apart and it's only been a few dates. Text!

AristotlesTrousers Sun 20-Mar-16 12:42:39

Or you could go down the Homer Simpson route 'welcome to dumpsville.'.


Cat2014 Sun 20-Mar-16 12:46:56

Definitely text.. No need for an awkward phone call, and as the dumpee I'd prefer a text too

LunaLunaLovegood Sun 20-Mar-16 12:48:17

Lol at Homer. I have no idea about dating in this century but I think you should treat him however you'd like to be treated yourself if it was the other way round.

x2boys Sun 20-Mar-16 12:49:07

i think if its just a few dates texting is fine but i was seeing someone for a few months met his family and everything and he dumped me by text that wasent nice this was many years ago however and i,ve long since moved ongrin

Roses43 Sun 20-Mar-16 12:49:48

You are way too nice for your own good op. Just dump his ass! He will live to see another day grin
Lose the guilt.
Send the text you coward lol. Yeah, course you can just text! Do whatever makes YOU feel comfortable.
Well, that's what I would do hmm

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sun 20-Mar-16 13:02:50

Texts are fine for a short thing! So much dating communication these days is by text, ending it that way is fine.

ginandmoregin Sun 20-Mar-16 13:03:27

Another vote for a phone call, especially if you think he's going to be ok about it. My last relationship ended with a phone call, and it was a nice way to end things amicably.

Poppiesway Sun 20-Mar-16 13:06:41

Test is fine.. If it had been months/years rather than single figure amount of dates than more would be deserved..

I text a bloke once and said I wasn't feeling the buzz... My friend never let me forget that one..

Cabrinha Sun 20-Mar-16 13:16:34

I'd far rather be dumped by text!
Lick your wounds in private then.
If he's been really nice and you're just not feeling it, I might semi apologise for using text, as some people don't like it - so I acknowledge that.

"Hi X, there isn't a good way to say this... I'm sorry it's by text, I'm never sure the best way to do this, and I prefer to receive a text myself so I'll do it this way. It's been great to meet you <insert compliment if you have a genuine one> but I'm not feeling the "spark". Thanks for <insert something nice if you have something> and good luck for the future."

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now