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Why is this happening?

(12 Posts)
Zapfcreational Sun 20-Mar-16 00:51:40

Me and dh don't have an 'amazing ' relationship, we are best friends and have great laughs but and a big but! Sexual wise there isn't much! I tried it on Tonight he's too tired but he's up downstairs playing online games, I want sexual attraction and excitement but it's not happening it never really does. We usually start then he finishes himself off or its a quicky. I'm never satisfied, I don't know what to dosad

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 00:57:10

Has he always been less than keen on getting it on or having prolonged sessions of sexual activity?

Are you sure he's not watching porn playing online games while you're upstairs?

Zapfcreational Sun 20-Mar-16 01:01:39

Yeah he watches porn I see that but no he's playing a football game as usual, he used to be up for it but I dunno why he isn't anymore, I'm worried he's a bit Bored or I'm Not what I was! Put a bit weight on since dc2 not loads, but he likes ridiculously skinny girls I have a tiny bit meat now

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 01:28:34

He's not up for it as he used to because he's addicted to porn which is notorious for reducing the staying power of formerly ardent lovers and turning them into wankers Napoleons. Even if you were a 'ridiculously' skinny minnie, the chances it would still be 'not tonight Zapsephine'.

Needless to say, there are no prizes for guessing what he'll be watching when the final whistle goes on his football game.

Joysmum Sun 20-Mar-16 07:54:20

I like types that aren't my DH but sex is about being with the man I love, not fucking a piece of meat so what porn I watch doesn't come into it in my attraction for him. Like wise, I'm not good looking and I'm currently fat again, it makes no difference to his attraction to me as he loves me.

Have you talked to your DH about your situation. What has he said?

StillAwakeAndItIsLate Sun 20-Mar-16 11:00:47

That's great, but unless you are the OP's husband, your attitude towards love, sex and porn is irrelevant.

I would suggest that if he is rejectimg her sexually and choosing to use porn instead, it is having an impact on him.

I do agree with talking though.

Joysmum Sun 20-Mar-16 13:48:35

That's great, but unless you are the OP's husband, your attitude towards love, sex and porn is irrelevant

I shared our experiences as a happily married couple to balance against the 2 previous comments which took a different viewpoint but the you somehow don't see the need to deem as irrelevant despite those people also not being the OP's husband!

By your judgement, nobody should comment because nobody is the the husband unless you happen to agree with them of course

Zapfcreational Sun 20-Mar-16 14:32:30

He doesn't watch much porn maybe once a week, we have talked yeah he says nothing is up. He takes medication and can't stay up and blames that so I'm unsure whether that is true. I just feel like I try and try we talk and talk but it never gets any better sad I feel like I'm missing out on something which isn't a good thing!

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 14:40:01

Do you watch internet porn every day/night, Joys?

Do you and your dh watch porn as one of your shared interests, or do you watch your own particular preferences separately and masturbate while viewing your choices or shortly thereafter?

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 14:48:52

Have you checked to see if erectile dysfunction is one of the side effects of the medication he's taking, Zap? '

Have you observed him watching porn once a week, or is that the amount of time he's told you he watches it?

Joysmum Sun 20-Mar-16 14:56:59

Am not sure how that's relevant to the OP goddess? I wouldn't want to derail the thread by going into detail so feel free to PM if you want. smile

goddessofsmallthings Sun 20-Mar-16 16:02:56

If you/your dh use porn to mutually spice up/enhance your sex life that is an entirely different scenario to what the OP is experiencing and I cannot see how my sending you a PM will in any way be of use to her, Joys.

If the OP's dh has become addicted to porn he won't necessarily have to view it frequently as the images will be seared stay in his mind and be available to him whenever he feels the need to sexually relieve himself.

That said, the pernicious nature of addiction frequently results in those who are addicted to porn being compelled to view their favourites or searching for new images on a daily basis and a quick flick through his computer history may prove revelatory.

For me the clue is in the OP's statement that "he finishes himself off" as the one-handed 'death grip' is a tell-tale sign of a man who has become more accustomed to masturbating than pleasuring himself through sexual intercourse that results in orgasm.

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