Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm livid!

(218 Posts)
midlifehope Sat 19-Mar-16 18:04:20

I wasn't in the room this morning, but 'd'p slapped Ds leg. Ds is 4. I am livid. Apparently ds kicked dp and threw a comic at him, but it would have been very light as ds is a good boy. Ds said ouch and started crying. I said to dp we were no longer spending the day with him. I am beyond fuming to the extent my heart is racing. I am vehemently against smacking as a discipline strategy. Is this the end for our relationship/ family? We've just bought our dream house together but are not getting on well atm.

amarmai Sat 19-Mar-16 18:27:49

go for family counselling and try to sort this out.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 19-Mar-16 18:29:05

I don't think it spells the end of your relationship does it?

Have you spoke to him about it?

Laurag16xxx Sat 19-Mar-16 18:30:22

I think to say is it the end of our family is a bit extreme.
Sit down and have a proper chat.
I understand why your fuming but don't let it get out of control

midlifehope Sat 19-Mar-16 18:33:35

Really = but what about poor Ds?

OurBlanche Sat 19-Mar-16 18:34:21

So, your child kicked your DP and threw something at him and, in return, got his leg slapped.

And you say DS is a good boy, so the kick would have 'been light' and your DP is what, the Devil Incarnate and battered him black and blue in retaliation?

You may need a talk, with them both, in an age appropriate manner - by which I mean a 2 way conversation with your DP rather than you vehemently and lividly just telling him how it's going to be.

I know, I do! But you may have to re-evaluate your own reaction as well as that of your DP. Both could be seen as an over reaction!

callitdelta7 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:36:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore1 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:36:30

Ok poor ds nothing, he kicked and threw something at a person and he needs a consequence. Stop making excuses for him.

However I agree hitting is not an acceptable consequence and if there is to be a future for you relationship you need to talk and agree parenting strategies.

I presume he isn't ds father from your posts?

nancy75 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:37:20

I don't agree with smacking but the comment about the kick only being light because he is a good boy? That's slightly odd and makes me think you are one of those parents that doesn't ever tell the child off

Marchate Sat 19-Mar-16 18:38:05

You're not getting on well, and he slapped your child. Not a happy combination. Especially as he knows your views but chose to ignore them

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:39:21

I should think your DP is fairly livid himself.

mrsjskelton Sat 19-Mar-16 18:39:22

Why be livid? It doesn't send a great message to your 'd's if you tear DP a new one when DS acts up!

wigglebum84 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:39:42

You need to calm down.

First of all I would talk to your DS and tell him what his dad did was wrong but tell him he was also naughty for kicking.

Talk to your DH, don't make it bigger than it is.

MerryMarigold Sat 19-Mar-16 18:40:25

I don't see a future in this relationship, and not because of the slap on the leg.

MerryMarigold Sat 19-Mar-16 18:41:49

DP should apologise but so should ds. Everyone makes mistakes.

DoreenLethal Sat 19-Mar-16 18:42:16

Interesting how so many think teaching a child not to be violent is best done by being violent. It would be totally different if it were their kids being hit, no doubt.

Nowt so strange as mumsnetters close to national holidays, true dat.

midlifehope Sat 19-Mar-16 18:43:17

Yes he's my sons dad. Thing is they're always 'play' fighting and dp can be quite rough with him. I don't think he's taught ds the boundaries of physical touch properly

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:43:40

Who has said that Doreen?

Waltermittythesequel Sat 19-Mar-16 18:43:41

Stop being so dramatic.

Your ds kicked and threw something.

I'm sure he is a good boy but that is bad behaviour. How your dp chose to discipline him is obviously different to what you would have done. So sit down and have a conversation like a grown up.

IlikePercyPig Sat 19-Mar-16 18:44:47

Sounds like a massive overreaction on your part OP.

midlifehope Sat 19-Mar-16 18:46:31

Doreen that's what I was think. Dp was hit a lot by his mum as a child and I'm scared he can't help himself / thinks it's normal

Madratlady Sat 19-Mar-16 18:48:18

I would be furious with my dh, hitting a child is never acceptable even dressed up as 'discipline'. I'd want them both to apologise to each other and an assurance that it wouldn't happen again from dh, and an agreement on how we approach bad behaviour without the need for violence.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:48:35

Then talk to him about it OP.

Not banish him for the day confused

RJnomore1 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:49:34

Have you never discussed parenting strategies with him then? I assumed he was a relatively new partner.

Children who kick and throw need disciplined. Smacking is not imo good discipline but you need some way you are agreed on to deal with it.

Plenty of us have grown up bring smacked and don't though but sometimes it's all about learning other ways to handle it.

Quokka12 Sat 19-Mar-16 18:50:26

Disagree not a massive overreaction - our eldest dd is 6 we had the discussion pre children about discipline - I don't care what dd did if dp hit her it would be game over. He is an adult and can control his temper and give an appropriate consequence. We are strict parents but we don't enforce standards through violence. I don't get the double standard if the husband had 'lightly' slapped the op everyone would be saying leave but because it is a much smaller 4 year old it is ok?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now