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If something seems too good to be true, it fucking well is.

(30 Posts)
MissTessmacher Sat 19-Mar-16 16:20:10

Ex-DP moved out in January. We've remained close and I've felt very smug proud that we have been co-parenting so well (sending cute photos of DCs, inviting the 'absent' one round for dinner on a Sunday, being flexible and supportive to each other).

Turns out he's lined up a school mum friend of mine as a love interest. Which explains why she and her entire group have been really off with me and have dropped me from their regular mums night outs. I've been feeling very paranoid and rejected.

I know he has every right to shag whoever he wants. But we have no family here and I have no friends. None. He knew about my burgeoning friendship with this woman and very recently encouraged me to go for coffee with her.

Now I'm sat here sobbing while he has the kids this weekend. I have no-one I can call or go out with. I feel like such a fool.

From now on the school run (which I find hard work anyway) is going to be awkward.

I'm an idiot for thinking we could remain close friends aren't I sad.

That's double-plus sucky, that.

He couldn't even let you have a friend. angry

GarlicShake Sat 19-Mar-16 16:24:09

Oh, that's tough flowers

Probably not this weekend, but can you find it in you to talk to the other friends? They'll know you're likely to feel upset and might be relieved that they haven't got to "keep quiet" (ie, blank you!)

If that goes pear-shaped, well at least you tried.

Can you moan on to your mum or a sister for now? Make yourself very comfy and have a lot of treats. Whine! (And wine?) It's allowed!

CrossfireHurricane Sat 19-Mar-16 16:26:37

God that is shitty
flowers

Rainbowlou1 Sat 19-Mar-16 16:28:29

How horrible for you flowers

CookieLady Sat 19-Mar-16 16:29:22

flowers What arsehole. Are there other people you could talk to at school? How about joining a club?

MissTessmacher Sat 19-Mar-16 16:29:28

Garlic I haven't even told my family yet. But that's a whole other thread.

I had a bit of a suspicion about them, they go to the same gym etc but genuinely didn't think he'd throw me under the bus like this when he knows full well how difficult I find making friends and how lonely I am.

I just want my DCs back so I can have a great big hug.

MissTessmacher Sat 19-Mar-16 16:53:08

I was going to have wine but I'm feeling like it's becoming a bad habit so might just have tea instead.

Running a scalding bath for now and going to watch a movie when I get out.

It just feels like he's shat where I eat. He's not usually a thoughtless dickhead. I'm surprised and disappointed. I know that the best way to be is to act breezy and above it all but not sure I'm capable at the minute.

Thanks all flowers

loveyoutothemoon Sat 19-Mar-16 17:21:27

That's shit it really is...but how was he to know that all your friends would be really off with you? Obviously not proper friends to you.

Can you go and visit your family for a pick me up?

Pancakeflipper Sat 19-Mar-16 17:31:20

That is really really shitty.

You must feel like you can't escape it temporarily even just for a coffee with friends to life your spirits.

Have you got other friends whom you can tell the situation to and get them to wrap you up with a bit of love and support.
I think you need to tell your family - you need someone to support you.
Take care.

Wendied Sat 19-Mar-16 18:38:40

That's totally crap for you. You can't even have a go at him about it as he's liable I suspect to tell her what you've said.

I second the bright and breezy approach (fake it until you really feel it), perhaps throw a remark to one of the other mums about how you're relieved she's taken him off your hands.

Enjoy your bath and movie, this is only a brief period in what is a long life so try and spend this time focusing on yourself and the little things that make you happy.

VenusRising Sat 19-Mar-16 18:48:56

You have work to do miss.

Start by ringing the other mums and asking them for coffee. Keep the friendships going.
You have to smile and let them know how well you and you ex are getting on.

Say tsk tsk your exP has been slagging his new woman off to you: Casually say you're happy for him he's found a cheap babysitter who doesn't mind his personal habits and wandering eye.
Start to play a bit dirty.

Don't let him get you down! You have a right to keep your friends.

GarlicShake Sat 19-Mar-16 19:00:30

Blimey, Venus! That's ... machiavellian.

Not sure it's necessary to start a bitch war. But giving the other friends a chance to say stuff like "We're so sorry, it wasn't our place to break it to you" is a good idea.

If they don't, they don't. And they deserve a chance - once Miss has licked her wounds a bit smile

donners312 Sat 19-Mar-16 19:05:14

I think venus is right - try to keep going with the friendships invite them for coffee and make it clear you don't have a problem with you ex.

The mums probably just felt awkward rather than not wanting to be friendly with you.

In time you might all be friends?? not impossible you sound really cool!!!

amarmai Sat 19-Mar-16 19:16:51

i think fair play ,op. She is basically influencing the group against you and they are frozen in the middle. So yes if she can do this , so can you.

MissTessmacher Sat 19-Mar-16 19:23:07

That's just not me Venus. I hate drama.

I feel like just ignoring the lot of them. They're not my good friends (they're hers, she invited me out with them) so it isn't the case that I'm losing coffee mates etc. I literally only speak to them in the playground and on these nights out. I've been hurt by "friends" in the past and it has left me with the tendency to think "Fuck you then" and sever all ties and move on rather than try to fix things. Not a great defence mechanism.

I just hate the feeling that they might be taking about me or, worse, that ex and the OW are talking about me. When I actually think of it, on Friday at pick up she gave me a sheepish smile and wave.

I'm having some health issues at the minute that are really denting my confidence and shit like this doesn't help (literally in the case of my blood pressure).

I don't want him back. He was a bit of a dick about a lot of stuff and had form for staying out all night/going off radar and the odd choice bit of verbal abuse. I'm happier without him and I love not sharing a bed with anyone and not finding his nail clippings in the pockets of his pyjamas when I borrowed them envy.

amarmai Sat 19-Mar-16 19:37:13

you prefer not to get down and dirty, so maybe choose the biggest mouth in the group to do a bit of self defence , or just pretend you do not care.

liberatedwine Sat 19-Mar-16 19:44:01

MissT, you'll be fine, you have friends on here and we're real people who are here for you.

Do the bright and breezy thing, and be thankful this new woman will have the dubious pleasure of his company.

Life has a funny old way of moving on, and things will get better.

MissTessmacher Sun 20-Mar-16 15:49:10

Thanks for the support everyone smile

I'm actually having a nice relaxing weekend. Slept for 12 hours last night, have taken the dog for lots of walks, the house is immaculate and I'm now on my 10th consecutive Gilmore Girls episode of the day blush. Haven't drunk anything other than water and tea either so pleased about that (it would be very rare for a weekend to pass without alcohol previously).

Ex has been texting me since yesterday acting all normally and asking me when I'll be over for dinner today. It's quite childish but I'm taking perverse pleasure in ignoring all the messages and letting him get more and more aggravated with me.

I still feel hurt and like a bit of a mug and I feel like keeping our contact minimal and solely about the DC from now on. For my own self preservation. Does that seem logical or is it OTT?

CactusKate Sun 20-Mar-16 16:04:02

He was a bit of a dick about a lot of stuff and had form for staying out all night/going off radar and the odd choice bit of verbal abuse

His new 'friend' will find that out herself soon as well.

Keep smiling OP, dont let the bastards win & you will be fine flowers

Shakey15000 Sun 20-Mar-16 16:08:21

I'd be tempted to text a "ooh sorry, only just got back from a weekend, what time suits you?".

Then when asked, be ultra vague and change the subject wink

prettywhiteguitar Sun 20-Mar-16 16:09:26

Absolutely keep conversation to just the dcs for your own preservation. Anything else is just him massaging his own ego that you still want to be with him in my opinion

prettywhiteguitar Sun 20-Mar-16 16:09:51

What shakey said

Roses43 Sun 20-Mar-16 17:13:45

He put nail clippings in his jarmy pockets shock that's not normal! I'd leave him just for that.
That would mess with my head.
Sounds like you are coping well. All under control. wink good girl.

RealityCheque Sun 20-Mar-16 17:20:01

Sorry but he's not done anything wrong at all here.

You can't help who you fall for and as two single adults there is absolutely no reason why they shouldn't see each other.

Just because she was 'your friend' doesn't mean he is an arse for seeing her at all. Real, adult life really isn't like a school playground.

On the positive side, you clearly thought enough of her to be friendly so if it does become serious at least she's not going to be some awful stepmum?

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