back to square one:(

[sillysausage16]

Posted this on lone parents aswell but this is probably where I should have put it.

Not posted on here for a long time I forgot about the amount of support available.

A few weeks ago I started seeing a lovely bloke, we knew each other already but he was married so obviously nothing ever happened between us. His marriage ended a few months ago and we began talking more than usual until we eventually met in town for a drink. Things sort of escalated from there and we quickly became an item and were very serious very fast.

A couple weeks ago his exp started saying that she still loves him wants him back etc (their marriage ended because she cheated) and the situation became quite intense. He still stays in the family home when he has his children while she is out.

This has really effected him and he now says he can't be in a relationship until he sorts his head out. We have feelings for each other, that's not the problem. But he also obviously has feelings for his ex aswell because I think it was too soon for us to start anything.

It's all such a big mess 

[QuiteLikely5]

I think you need to back off.

They are married, they have children and you should leave them to it.

[AnyFucker]

Rebound relationship

Walk away for good. There's a world of hurt here for you.

[sillysausage16]

Yeah I think you're probably right. They aren't getting back together but I do need to step back until it's all sorted out or I'm going to get very hurt.

[sillysausage16]

I didn't break this marriage up I feel the need to add

[sillysausage16]

Can anyone add anything to make me think I haven't been a complete idiot? Rebound relationships are usually just about sex aren't they? It wasn't about that for either of us

[HeddaGarbled]

Well for him feeling desired and appreciated after his wife cheated on him was probably helpful for him psychologically, so I'm sure it wasn't just about sex.

[sillysausage16]

We were very good friends. And are still very good friends. I've seen over the years how his ex has treated him. She abused him and cheated a number of times. He has confided all this in me. He is the main carer of their dcs, she has used them a number of times to hurt him and emotionally blackmail him. It's horrible to see. He's just so downtrodden and depressed about it. He has made progress this week trying to get his own house and has began taking the dcs to his parents to stay when he has them. This thing between us just happened and I genuinely thing he wouldn't have become involved if he wasn't genuine. Only time will tell I suppose

[sillysausage16]

The messages wanting him back are only when she is at home with the kids. When he has them he never hears from her for days

[mumofthemonsters808]

I don't think you have been a complete idiot, but I do think you need to step back and let him sort things out with his family. There's obviously a lot happening in his life and he has some major decisions to make before he can make any form of commitment to you. I'd back off from him and tell him to ring me in a few months when things are sorted. If he decides to get back with his wife, so be it, you've lost nothing, you just dated him whilst he was separated. Under no circumstances, let him make you a shoulder to cry on or worse still, a bit on the side.

[sillysausage16]

That makes total sense thank you. Our break up is still quite raw at the moment so we have spoken a lot about that side of things. We live in a very small town which is the other problem there's not really any way of avoiding him. He keeps saying he misses me but that he's just not ready to commit to a relationship.

I would like to get to a point where we a just friends and only talk about things friends talk about and keep everything else at a distance.