So today I have moved my stuff out of the home I shared with my ex partner for three years. We had been together for over 6, and been through so much together.
The break up has been to say the least, really fucking tough emotionally and psychically on both of us (as I'm sure most relationship break ups are on anyone).
I've had my ups and downs the past few weeks whilst everything has kinda been finalised and mulled over (even though we both knew there was no going back). However having now officially moved everything today, I feel like I've gone ten rounds with Tyson. I'm absolutely floored. I thought I had dealt with this, yet there's this big gaping wound leaking blood everywhere right now, and I'm not entirely sure how to patch it up just enough for now until it starts to heal.
I'm keeping busy, I'm seeing friends, I have support, work are understanding. But this has literally ripped me to shreds. We didn't end because we hated each other. We still care for each other. We still love each other. But emotionally we just are not compatible and it drove a wedge between us that we just could not get over. We talked. We tried to action stuff. We tried to compromise. He tried to deal with his internal demons, he doesn't know how to (and yes he does have some from, no excuses). I won't go into too much detail as it's not needed.
We didn't want to continue and end up hating each other. We wanted to remember each other for good memories, we didn't want to wear each other down anymore, because we knew we didn't know how to, as things stand today, work through our differences. I have no doubt that the break up was because of incompatibleness, there was no lying, cheating, other people. And I don't need to be told that 'love conquers all' because I've swiftly learnt that it bloody doesn't and it's such a heartbreaking realisation :( in fact we've walked away because we DO love each other enough to know we aren't right together.
By god he does have his faults too, so why can't I see them right now? Why can I only see him for all his good? I've done the list writing thing, many many times!!!
To those women with children and marriage and decades with your partner under your belt- I genuinely salute your bravery to move past things like this because even this is horrendous after 6 years!
I'm receiving counselling too, for my own issues, which I think will help... But seriously how do you move on when it all ends like this? I'm aching for him, yet I know it's not what I need :(
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Relationships
I thought I was ok but I'm not
6 replies
misszp · 18/03/2016 15:49
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