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36 mor30+ years in a loveless, sexless marriage?

(3 Posts)
secretsarebest Thu 17-Mar-16 20:37:43

I'm dealing with a lot of issues at the moment that I've always kept a lid on and just made the best of things. One of them is the state of my marriage.

We have been married for 20 years. I liked him but never loved him. A friend recently explained what love meant to her and it was so alien to me. I think we were lost souls who didn't think we'd do any better.

My husband loves me and says he can't imagine life without me. However, I don't love him. More and more I resent his presence.

I have attachment difficulties from childhood events and can't cope with the intimacy (both emotional and sexual) in marriage.

Do I continue like this with a companion or get out and devastate my husband and kids or leave?

I currently feel like I'm suffocating.

secretsarebest Thu 17-Mar-16 20:39:06

Sorry the title went wrong. It was 30+ years - bearing in mind life expectancy figures!

goddessofsmallthings Thu 17-Mar-16 23:21:32

Do you feel unattached to your dc and/or do you shy away from showing physical and verbal affection to them?

What are the "other issues" that you've "always kept a lid on"? Do they have to do with your feelings, or are they practical such as finding the werewithal to buy x, y, or z or stay out, or on top, of debt?

Before you make any irrevocable decisions relating to your marriage, I suggest you make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred for assessment to evaluate which talking, or other, therapy would best enable you explore and resolve the cause(s) of your fear of, or inability to cope with, intimacy otherwise you could find yourself out on a very lonely limb for the next 30+ years.

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