Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dh being a selfish arse, again.

(8 Posts)
RyVeeta Thu 17-Mar-16 15:08:27

Dd has (unsurprisingly) some mental health problems. She's not having a good week this week and has exams too. Dh got up and had a go at her, it wasn't first thing, well it was for him, about oneish. She has caved and got upset again. She told the mental health services she didn't want me to make him leave, but she can't live with him either. He's called her, yet again, all the flaming names under the sun today. He's pointed out how bad and awful I am, but it's he who gets the blame for everything. Selfish bastard. He knew she wasn't well but his feelings override everyones. Just angry and getting it out. Sorry.
(Positives: Have been in touch via mental health services with a group that can assist with leaving over a period of time).

DustyMaiden Thu 17-Mar-16 15:11:04

No one should ask her if she wants you to make him leave. That should not be on her shoulders. Just get rid of him..

Marchate Thu 17-Mar-16 15:42:14

If not for yourself, leave for your lovely daughter's sake

PotteringAlong Thu 17-Mar-16 15:45:05

So you know all of this and you're still there? Why? If you know how much you're damaging your daughter by staying?

FullMoonDiva Thu 17-Mar-16 15:49:39

My daughter has asd and significant anxiety. On her bad days, which are plenty she's difficult, snipey, goady and dare I say downright nasty. If my dh ever treat her like that, adding to her crisis he'd be out the door, no questions asked and I would certainly never ever put the onus on my child as to whether she wanted him to remain or not.

I'm the adult, I teach her what behaviour to accept towards ourselves from others and there would be no question of me standing back and allowing dh to treat my child like that-regardless of how much we love him or how nice he can be at times.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:56:32

she shouldn't be asked if she wants him to leave or not. Your her mum you decide what is best for dd.

It sounds like you dh does not understand mental health (or doesn't want to)
I assume with your dd mental health problems, it has effected her self esteem and some days she will no doubt feel down on her self. mental health is an illness, and being called all the names under the sun by your dh is really not going to help.

think of the damage dh is doing to her mental health.
If he cant be a decent person and support dd in the mental health problems then he leaves

RyVeeta Thu 17-Mar-16 16:28:09

Dd is 19. She too has AS and can be as described above. Unfortunately dh has both physical and mental health problems too. I have asked him to treat her as he would like to be treated. He's a selfish arse and he's on his way out. I will be asking his CPN on Monday to find sheltered accommodation for him. I will go to the meetings with the domestic abuse people to ensure I can stay strong enough to do this. He is not violent but is vicious. I thought it was my fault for a long time, I thought because he was mentally ill I should be strong enough to cope with his illness and felt that the illness was somehow separate from him. It isn't. He has severe pain issues too, but I know that he doesn't have the right to call us those things now. I know I'm not the perfect mother, but I also know I'm not the monster he has made me out to be. I'm getting there. I know my children come first. I have tried to fix this for everyone for too long.

RyVeeta Thu 17-Mar-16 16:29:59

Sorry, she wasn't actually asked, but when it was suggested to me, within earshot, her reaction was I don't want Mum to throw him out. The health worker did point out that long term, it's better for her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now