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How to catch cheating DF and protect DM?

(7 Posts)
beholdthetruth Thu 17-Mar-16 14:30:22

As the title says how do you catch out a cheat? My DF has suddenly gone and left my DM out of the blue. He's got previous form for cheating.

We have no idea where he is staying but it has been premeditated in that he's dropped off the face of the earth but has no friends/family he could stay with but he must be somewhere, had a legal document drawn up over the split and he keeps letting himself into the family home whilst everyone is at work. He's taken all documentation that would be useful in the event of a split including all of his financial information he's hiding his assets I believe. My DM doesn't have copies and he has told her the house is to be put up for sale by him.

Given his previous form I suspect he is with another women possibly the same women he had a number of years ago but I know not a lot about her. My DM only knows her first name.

I know it's not ethical but I've checked his phone bill to see who he's been calling and initially to ensure he was still bloody alive as he won't contact anyone to say he is ok. There's no numbers that stick out and not calls lasting more than a few minutes each and very little in the form of texting.

He's a sly dog though and I guess he would cover his tracks very well probably using whatsapp as I can see he's been online several times throughout the day but given his no friends/family can't understand who he would be on to message. My DM says she will take him back personally I'd change the locks and put his stuff in garbage bags I guess that I'm hoping that if I can prove he's gone back to another women that she might see the light not be such a mug/doormat and retain some self respect

Branleuse Thu 17-Mar-16 14:41:07

you need to stay out of it

Divathecat Thu 17-Mar-16 14:43:08

Rather than tie yourself in knots over this can you focus your energy on supporting your DM?

its a difficult one because you can't legally lock someone out of their own home and your Mum wants him back. is there anything left in terms of financial records? or access to Online banking still? if so act fast on that. Get copies of everything.

He has cheated before you say, did your Mum know? what do you think that she would say if presented with hard evidence this time and is that the reason you are pursuing evidence of an affair?

If your Mum eventually decides to divorce him then she can petition divorce on unreasonable behaviour and previous adultery can be cited.

beholdthetruth Thu 17-Mar-16 15:00:03

I've had the conversation with DM before when she forgave the last affair where he begged, cried and pleaded for a last chance that it was his last and if he were to ever cheat again DM wouldn't take him back.

He's left before but never in this manner and never going so far as to remove documents and hide his assets before he has always kept my DM on the back burner So I do believe if I can prove he is cheating that would be the strength she needs to kick him to the curb once and for all. I think that would be the kick I need to move her from grief to anger.

My DM is in pieces she was blindsided by this, we all were really and she isn't really in any state to help herself if I am honest. She has always relied upon my DF and "needed" him so at the moment she is too caught up in her grief to be practical or think about what steps she needs to take to protect herself. Me on the other hand? I'm thinking of nothing other than being practical because someone has to take charge and ensure my DM isn't done up like a kipper.

They have separate bank accounts so DM has no access to his accounts and he has taken all financial paperwork out of the house at some unknown point in time. DM has no idea of his salary, savings, pensions or even what bills need to be paid as he usually took care of that. His legal document he left and wanted her to sign state that this was all now to fall to her. She was a SAHM and then a Housewife so she doesn't have the financial means DF used to pay the bills then give her an allowance

ThoughtfulPenny Thu 17-Mar-16 15:05:52

I'd get the locks changed. If she had lost her house keys she would do that wouldn't she and if he's not in contact with anyone then she can't provide him with a new key. Even going so far as to pay a professional locksmith to "let her in" and change locks so she will have an invoice as evidence if it does cause any sort of issue.

beholdthetruth Thu 17-Mar-16 15:15:54

Thoughtful that isn't a bad idea actually, I did suggest that she perhaps leaves her key in the door and use the back door to exit the house but your idea is much better

Divathecat Thu 17-Mar-16 20:16:24

Changing the locks is a way to prevent him from accessing the house but legally he could ask for a key however I doubt it from your description of his behaviour tbh.

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