Emotional abuse?

[icelollycraving]

A family member has told me about her relationship. He has always been odd but in honesty it seems like emotional abuse to me. She isn't planning on leaving but wants there to be someone somewhere with the information about it. The behaviour is no worse now than before but I suspect she is becoming jaded. Would the best course of action be her gp or a solicitor. He is not violent & she was worried it'd start social services being involved if she told someone other than me.

[somanymiles]

Personally went to my solicitor first as I knew I needed to protect myself legally eg my right to remain in the family home which is in his name. But if she is not planning on leaving him perhaps her first stop should be something like Relate?

[icelollycraving]

Thank you.

[Marchate]

Don't use Relate! They are notorious on these boards for not spotting EA

Buy her a copy of 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft. Once she has read that she'll have a better understanding of what's happening to her

[icelollycraving]

Oh right. I'll get her a copy. Feel sad for her. She's also found out along with all the other crap he's on various hook up sites. He's shit.
I know she will leave eventually,I just want to listen & not judge.

[jellybean2000]

The book is very hard reading if you spot you partner, especially when there has been years of EA.

Women's Aid might be a better place to start. EA is recognised as a form of domestic abuse so it's under their remit and her actually talking to someone rather than being left alone with a book might be kinder.

Or at least read the book yourself first.

You say she's worried about social services. Does this mean they have children? If so then another place to start would be a school liaison officer (or some such). That's how I ended up with a WA outreach worker.

[mum2mum99]

I agree Women's aid and give her the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. And good luck she is lucky to have you. But don't expect her to live tomorrow, sometimes it take time, she is being brainwashed every day.

[icelollycraving]

Without sounding dim what advice can there be until she wants to leave? He's not very stable & I worry. She seems to think better the devil as she has the measure. I have always wondered if he may be bi polar.

[jellybean2000]

The first step is often accepting that EA is happening.
It can be a very isolating existence. By opening up to you maybe she is making small steps into that acceptance.
It can take huge amounts of courage.

You're right, only she can make the decision to leave.

Maybe instead of barrelling in with books and phone numbers just be a good friend to her, so she knows she has your complete and non-judgemental trust.

Maybe offer to go to the GP with her or help her write down what to say to the GP?

[jellybean2000]

There is advice on the WA site about what to do if you are concerned about someone else.