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would you?

(553 Posts)
hurtandconfued2016 Tue 15-Mar-16 22:48:28

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

ohforfoxsake Tue 15-Mar-16 22:51:46

No. No I wouldn't.

hurtandconfued2016 Tue 15-Mar-16 22:54:07

Thanks he just made me feel like I was being unreasonable for not allowing him to take her

Eminado Tue 15-Mar-16 22:54:16

Errrrr NO!

Congrats on your new baby flowers

TheGirlWhoWasntThere Tue 15-Mar-16 22:58:48

Absolutely not.
You need to stand firm and do what is best for you and your two children from now on.
He has no right to try to manipulate you into doing anything he wants. He has already shown you what a complete arse he is by his unforgivable actions towards you and your children.

From now on everything should be on your terms.
And if he wants to throw a temper tantrum then let him. Just shows you more of what a nasty bully he really is.

Stay strong, you are doing brilliantly.

Marchate Tue 15-Mar-16 23:11:53

No! He hasn't cared about her until now. Don't trust him to look after her

whatdoIget Tue 15-Mar-16 23:26:53

No way. And if he really cared about them he'd be desperate to see them and would go along with your wishes even if he thought you were being unreasonable. Also he wouldn't treat their mother like crap if he had any respect for them.

AugustMoon Wed 16-Mar-16 00:05:06

No way. Been following your threads. Your ex is a prize cunt and I wouldn't trust him with a dog. He's playing games with you and you just gave birth ffs. The same guy who didn't want contact at all unless you dance to his tune and arrange it through his parents. I would get an anti molestation order against him so you are safe, emotionally, to look after your newborn without having to deal with this shit.
Seriously, I am v angry on your behalf. Keep posting for support and ignore him.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Wed 16-Mar-16 00:40:09

Take her away from you? What planet is this knob on?

I'd have registered her without him tbh.

He will mess the kids around endlessly. Any Dad is NOT better than no Dad. I wouldn't do a single thing to encourage contact and I would actively make it as difficult as possble. DD would be breastfed for as long as humanly possible etc

Wankers like this just make the kids lives miserable sad

Congratulations re DD 💐

hurtandconfued2016 Wed 16-Mar-16 01:15:10

Well everyone when I seen him today to register baby he brought his mum and dad!! He didn't want to speak to me and only after we registered her did he ask to hold her! What hurt me was his dad wanted to take a picture first time holding his daughter but he said he didn't want a photo! He also never asked how our son was!
Augustmoon the only reason it came up is because he asked why I hadn't text his dad back the night before about seeing the kids even though I received his lawyers letter on Friday stating that he won't go threw his parents and when I said this to him in the registry office he went in a sulk.
Can I also add he has been on paternity leave this week and next week and hasn't seen his kids and has just spent it with the ow!

LeaLeander Wed 16-Mar-16 01:34:24

What on earth!!!?

Why did you even register him as the father? No way would I hand any child over to a so-called man like that.

Clearly he is just into ego and power and control, he could give a shit about the children. What a piss-poor sperm donor for those poor kids.

summerwinterton Wed 16-Mar-16 07:56:03

I would not have registered with him either

and I think you need to stop communicating with him too - lawyer contact only surely?

hurtandconfued2016 Wed 16-Mar-16 09:53:34

I gave him the option of being on it I wouldn't force anyone to be on it but I also wouldn't tell him he wasn't aloud! As for the contact I had said everything was to be done threw the lawyer then he went to the lawyer and was like aw we are okay we can talk ourselves to discuss the kids we don't need to go to mediation me and her are okay! Then 2 hours later his dad text me!

Slowdecrease Wed 16-Mar-16 13:12:57

What did I say on your previous post? Quite being surprised by this. You did the right thing registering him as the father absolutely. Now adjust your expectations - he's a knob and that won't change. Keep communications through his parents and do not have any sort of contact with him, he will fade away I promise you!

hurtandconfued2016 Wed 16-Mar-16 14:50:19

Yeah slowdance he was supposed to be seeing the kids today and he hasn't text to organise it so again another day he was supposed to see them on his paternity leave and nothing!

BitOutOfPractice Wed 16-Mar-16 14:53:58

he has been on paternity leave this week and next week and hasn't seen his kids and has just spent it with the ow! Fucking hell, this has to be one of the worst things I've ever read on MN. What an utter low life.

And in answer to your original question, no, no I wouldn't let him have her. YANBU

Congratulations on your new baby thanks

CallMeMaybe Wed 16-Mar-16 15:01:39

I am usually one of the first to encourage the need for children to have a relationship with their parents, however given your ex appears to be wanting everything on his terms with absolutely no thought or consideration for the wellbeing of his children I would just be reiterating that you can arrange for him to see the baby on your terms but that you would be present. And leave it at that.

In terms of his being on paternity leave I might be inclined to ring his place of work and enquire if anyone had heard from him as you haven't heard from him in the past two weeks and wanted to make arrangements for him to meet his daughter. <bitch emoticon>.

petalsandstars Wed 16-Mar-16 15:03:17

No definitely not. No way would I hand over a newborn baby to this manchild.

If he'd been round every day being supportive and wanted to take her out for 30 mins between feeds then that would be different. But the actual situation you are in? No fucking way!

hurtandconfued2016 Wed 16-Mar-16 15:38:54

Bit out of practice - yeah it really hurt me that he's on paternity leave and I'm struggling physically with the 2 kids being single mum after a csection (with complications) and he's away having a great stress free time with her!
Callmemaybe- yes everything has to be on his terms he tells me the days he can have them (even though he's on paternity leave won't take them at the weekend cause he needs a life). Tells me times, that I have to organise through his parents (despite his lawyers letter saying he will communicate with me himself) I'm not allowed to contact him when he has my kids to see if everything is okay! He has pretty much set all the rules and now that I'm not bending over backwards he's not seeing them! He didn't even contact me about seeing our son today!
His work know he hasn't met his daughter until yesterday I have made sure I have not covered this up! They have said that because he put the matb1 form in he is entitled to it!
Petalsandstars- I offered to go to soft play and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit together at all seen as I am so repulsive (his words) but he said he would only spend time with her if it was in his parents house! He also said that when we had our son he was allowed to have him on his own, the difference was we where in a relationship, living together and he had been there from the get go and the most he was left alone with our son was like 30 mins when I was having a shower or at the doctors!

hurtandconfued2016 Thu 17-Mar-16 11:38:27

Well everyone I am mega peed off today! Had a very bad night with the 2 kids last night and I am exhausted! Have I heard from him about seeing his kids no!!! I received a letter from the lawyer today and it turns out he has been off since beginning of March and isn't back till April! It's all paternity leave and leave he has taken to look after the kids (he gets 9 weeks parental leave).
So here's me sitting with my eyes hanging out my head with a migraine and he's living the life of bloody luxury! I swear I hate him

Fratelli Thu 17-Mar-16 13:57:31

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on mn. He's not even a man. How anyone would not want to see their children will always be beyond me. Taking pat leave and not even seeing his kids? He will always remain vile and just the lowest of the low. How anyone could be with someone like that is also beyond me.

How terribly awful for you. Just know that your children will whole heartedly love and respect you. I wish the three of you all the happiness in the world flowers

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Mar-16 14:03:23

I would have to write and inform his company about that. I'd want repercussions.

OhShutUpThomas Thu 17-Mar-16 14:06:09

Yes I'd tell his employers. In a factual way.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 17-Mar-16 14:14:02

See, I'm a real bitch. I'd call his work and ask to speak to him. I'd casually mention that I was calling because I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since baby was born (other than a few minutes at the registry) and I was trying to get hold of him to see if he wanted to see his new baby.

But I'm evil, I am.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Mar-16 14:59:31

That is an excellent idea, AcrossthePond!

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