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Separation advice

(7 Posts)
passthesalt Tue 15-Mar-16 22:34:50

I posted on here a few weeks ago about the situation with my OH. Basically he has anxiety and depression, has big mood slumps and it affects everyone in the house (including our two kids - age 3 and 18 months). Plus he's a lazy sod, not related to the mental health stuff, so I've pretty much been like a single parent for a couple of years now.

Anyway, I decided to call it a day a couple of weeks ago, since then he's threatening to end it all, says he has nothing left to live for, and while I know I sound like a vile person, I'm sticking by my decision to separate as I just can't go on with how things have been.

He's been talking about moving out, but is now saying that he wants to stay put for the sake of the family. I'm not sure where I stand legally, it's a bit of a nightmare at the moment as every day, and every night, he wants to talk about our relationship and why I don't want to give it a go, and why am I willing to break the family up etc, and it's just so exhausting. I really need him to move out as its not helping either of us, and is creating a lot of stress in the house. However, both our names are on the mortgage so I'm not sure what to do for the best, or whether I just have to appeal to his better nature. I really don't want this to get nasty but I know it will if he stays here indefinitely.

If anyone has got any words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate it.

Patapouf Tue 15-Mar-16 22:43:29

Do you own your home or rent?
There's lots of useful information on the citizens advice bureau website about housing and relationship breakdown.

passthesalt Wed 16-Mar-16 17:46:02

Own - just checked out the citizens advice pages (thanks). Looks like I'm scuppered...

pocketsaviour Wed 16-Mar-16 21:01:12

You don't sound vile at all, why would it be vile to stand firm in the face of someone's emotional blackmail?

See a solicitor as soon as you can and get advice about how to proceed. You may have to force a sale in order to get him out. In the meantime, STOP doing any wife work, so no laundry, cooking, shopping, ironing, etc for him. Make him sleep elsewhere (or you sleep elsewhere.) Speak to him only about practical things and co-parenting your children. If you can stop giving him any benefits from living there, he may well decide to move out. Good luck.

passthesalt Wed 16-Mar-16 21:49:32

Good advice - and I'm so fed up of looking at him that I think it will be quite easy to stop doing anything that benefits him tbh

I do think it's emotional blackmail, which just makes me more convinced that it's the right thing to do. Never thought I'd say it, but I can't wait until it's just me and the kids, just so I can breathe again.

One more thing - how, and what, on earth do you tell children so little? And - assuming I can get him to go - when? Just thinking about this makes me feel sick.

19lottie82 Wed 16-Mar-16 21:54:42

Unfortunately you can't force him to move out from your joint home.

Do you have a mutual friend / family member who can speak to him in the hope that he will see sense?

Could you afford the mortgage payments / household bills by yourself if he was to move out? Taking in to account any maintenance and / or benefits that you could claim, that is?

peppatax Wed 16-Mar-16 21:59:23

Being so young, it might be better to wait a while until things have settled down unless the eldest asks outright. Like you say, if you've been single parenting for a while, chances are that they might not notice Daddy is not around so much. Then keep it basic - 'Mummy and Daddy need to live separately now' - then only expand to answer questions but keep it factual.

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