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First tentative steps towards freedom....?

(21 Posts)
EasyToEatTiger Tue 15-Mar-16 20:48:22

Today I met someone from a Womens' Refuge. I can't say I felt like a fraud, and I felt validated. Thank you all you MN people. I could and would not have done it without you all. I guess I am still hoping beyond hope that things will turn out ok, but I have made steps in the event that they don't. We have a meeting next week with CAMH psychiatrist. She knows the steps I am taking. What the hell is going on? My husband, at least for now is behaving like a reasonable human being. In fact, the less I tolerate, the more reasonable he becomes. I expect to be taking part in the Freedom Programme in the next month or so. It is quite exciting. I think I need it, at least just for myself, and for my mum.

0phelia Tue 15-Mar-16 21:13:55

Well done 🌹

Marchate Tue 15-Mar-16 23:14:25

You are doing well x

Morasssassafras Wed 16-Mar-16 00:59:21

No, that's a huge step! Do what you can when you can. Well done flowers

Jux Wed 16-Mar-16 01:16:31

Good on you! He's been getting away with his shit for long enough. Keep walking in the direction you're going.

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 16-Mar-16 01:16:59

Make it a step towards what you want OP. Not a step away from anything.

mumgointhroughtorture Wed 16-Mar-16 01:42:03

I did a domestic abuse course and it's so worthwhile. You don't realise just how much abuse was going on . It's a massive eye opener and it's absolutely a step in the right direction. Good luck smile

EasyToEatTiger Thu 17-Mar-16 11:07:32

I was talking about all this to a rl friend who wondered if it is something to do with age? My husband was born when dinosaurs roamed the land.

Jux Fri 18-Mar-16 08:51:08

Er, no. That's just an excuse.

Marchate Fri 18-Mar-16 09:10:37

Nothing to do with age. Everything to do with being in a bad relationship

EasyToEatTiger Fri 18-Mar-16 19:55:22

I've just made contact with the refuge woman to say I want to go on the Freedom Programme. It's been a long time coming.

Jux Sat 19-Mar-16 15:55:52

Well done!

EasyToEatTiger Sun 20-Mar-16 10:09:05

My husband has the overwhelming desire to BE RIGHT. ALL THE TIME. ABOUT EVERYTHING. I have had a smack of what it feels like to be frigid. My husband trots off every week to a therapist and comes back behaving ever more like a recalcitrent toddler. What the hell is going on? Shrink next week. Home is a kind of hell on earth at the moment.

EasyToEatTiger Tue 22-Mar-16 21:06:34

Nearly all the things I have written on this thread have been said in RL in front of the shrink. I have told the shrink about WA and I have told my husband. I have not told my husband I am taking action. It is a complicated situation. I did not say to my husband in front of the shrink that I have told the dcs' schools about it. I think it has been said though.

Marchate Tue 22-Mar-16 22:16:33

Why are you + partner together at psych? Isn't that a bad situation?

EasyToEatTiger Tue 22-Mar-16 23:54:41

It's not a dangerous situation. It's dysfunctional.

Marchate Tue 22-Mar-16 23:59:27

Does he take over the discussion?

EasyToEatTiger Wed 23-Mar-16 08:42:23

No. We are both able to speak. He truly believes that I abuse him by saying that I feel as though my role is to Cook, Fuck and Clean. He says he has had a happy family upbringing, so I asked where on earth did he learn his attitudes towards women? I am the second wife who has suffered from sexual dysfunction.

pocketsaviour Wed 23-Mar-16 08:55:46

He says he has had a happy family upbringing, so I asked where on earth did he learn his attitudes towards women?

Presumably from his dad, who was I expect perfectly happy in his marriage and didn't give a shiny shit whether your MiL was happy or not.

Is this psychiatrist(?) / marriage counsellor validating your feelings? What does s/he say about the dynamics of your marriage?

Marchate Wed 23-Mar-16 09:23:24

Hypothetically, if you were to speak to the psych alone, would you say different things than you do when you're in a session together?

EasyToEatTiger Wed 23-Mar-16 11:36:10

She is referring us to a more specialist therapist. My husband liked a cbt male therapist. I thought he was ok, but he made my skin crawl a bit. Not good.

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