Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

seperated then got back together?

10 replies

Mumof2twoboys · 15/03/2016 19:14

Has anyone separated and then got back together and had it all work out?

I just had a nightmare time on holiday with my now recent ex threatening to tell our son when he's older that I didn't want him and he was also saying he's getting a Dna test. I've never even kissed another guy

Both things are ridiculous and untrue, I did want our son and never cheated. I have no idea where any of it is coming from.

I've made him leave our home now that we are back from hols because I just can't cope with that level of emotional abuse

Is there any hope do you think? Have any other couples separated for a while then been able to work it out?

I am willing to work on it for the sake of the kids but... Atm I'm disgusted with him.
Can't look at him. I don't like men like him and I know that you can't force anyone to change so I just feel a bit lost
How do I make him realise that he's wrong? His excuse is that men are always looking at me so that's why he wants a Dna test now

Just ridiculous

What's wrong with men like him?!

OP posts:

Report

CiaoVerona · 15/03/2016 19:46

Jesus, that's an awful thing to say to you child has be always being this jealous? He's willing to dump his own inane insecurities about you on to his child, I dunno that id be willing to get past that,never mind how nasty it is he's damaging your child by making those kind of statements there is something seriously wrong this.

To answer you question, sure some couples do separate and get back together there has too be good faith on both sides to work through the problems that caused the problems in the first place.

I don't now based on the small amount you've said thus far there is an awful lot worth fighting for. `Does he have any redeeming features.

Is is possible he's no real intent in sorting this out his words don't come across as someone looking to save a relationship.

Report

MagicalHamSandwich · 15/03/2016 19:50

If he acts this way why would you even want to get back together!? He sounds vile!

FWIW, I separated from my ex and we did get back together. It lasted for another three years. Should have made the first split permanent, TBH.

Report

CiaoVerona · 15/03/2016 19:58

Sorry, I see he threatened too say that to your child I note he's not said it.

Still some awful stuff to be saying to you its not right at all.

Report

Mumof2twoboys · 15/03/2016 20:09

Well what he said was... I will tell him when he's older that you didn't want him. This is our 9 month old he's talking about and that he's getting and dna test. Oldest child heard it all as well as his parents. So embarrassing and annoying since none of it is even based on a shred of truth.

He's wealthy. He and I both put a lot of money into the house, I'd get half the house but realistically I couldn't afford it on my own so while he can't make me leave I know I can't afford it and would have to move

I have loved him but I feel like no one deserves to be accused of crap like this and it's too much

OP posts:

Report

CiaoVerona · 15/03/2016 20:41

Surely, you'd be better off with a smaller house you can afford happy with your child then in a naice house with him.

Maybe, you should continue the separation and start too think about how your life would be post him what you have going on does not sound like its working.

Report

Mumof2twoboys · 15/03/2016 20:54

Yeah I'm staying strong and continuing the separation. I just wish there was some way to make him see that it's not on
he doesn't care about me that much is obvious but besides moving on and out, is there ever any hope?

Has anyone's husband ever changed and how did they manage it?

OP posts:

Report

FredaMayor · 15/03/2016 20:58

IME, no. The term 'trial separation' is a charade, in RL there is no such thing. You have a new chance now, don't sabotage your future by hanging on to a toxic relationship.

Report

Openmindedmonkey · 15/03/2016 21:04

Fully agree with Freda.
ExH & I split twice & I went back twice (emotional manipulation & blackmail, basically) & we had a couple of even crappier years together before I plucked up the courage to end it for good.
Don't waste years, please.

Report

mumndad37 · 15/03/2016 21:08

ExH and I separated, got back together. It was never what either of us hoped it would be and we did end up divorced in the end. I think once you separate, you know you can finish with him, and he'd have to be really fantastic for you to be convinced to stay permanently.

Report

Mumof2twoboys · 15/03/2016 21:50

Thanks guys. So no point trying again then!
Some part of me believes people can change but they do have to do it themselves and he never listens to me anyway.

I don't like who is he anymore so that makes it a bit easier but still not a good feeling being accused of things which are just nonsense