Totally bereft at misplacing my camera

[hateflying1]

Yesterday was dd's birthday. I used my camera to take photos in the morning. I was rushing round because my teaching agency had phoned with a teaching assistant job. I remember wondering where I had put the camera down and seeing it in a particular place in dd's bedroom.

I went to work and when I came back went to look for the camera there. It wasn't there. I looked around for it in dd's bedroom and other rooms and it was nowhere to be seen. I have tidied dd's bedroom and I still can't find it. Is it possible to move something somewhere and completely forget doing it and where you put it?

This is all complicated by the fact that someone has been painting in our house and part of me is thinking he has taken it (?).

I cannot explain how bad I feel. As if everything is now pointless and as if I have been violated. There were photos on there from last August onwards that I was very attached to and that I was going to use to make a 2015 album.

I feel anxious to the point of not being able to eat or think about anything else. I have asked the painter if he has seen it (had to use Google translate) as it is possible he might have come across it and he shrugged his shoulders and said no disinterestedly. It's not as if he is going to say "oh yes I took it home" in any case.

Do I carry on looking in other rooms like an idiot or should I assume it has been nicked . It is not as if it is that small - surely only small things go missing for days as bigger things are easier to see?

How do I stop feeling so awful ?

[hateflying1]

What does it say about me that I should feel so awful with butterflies in my stomach and a generally sick feeling?

[hateflying1]

I realise this isn't a relationship issue but I feel completely paralysed by this and as if I am losing my mind. Am annoyed with dh for being so cavalier about letting people we don't know into our house. He would have been sitting downstairs all day while the painter was painting. He said something to us about "hiding our valuables" before the dc and I left (2 seconds before) and that anything that wasn't hidden wasn't his problem .

Is it possible to put things in different places and have no recollection of doing so at all ?

[SavoyCabbage]

Of course it is! You were busy. People loose things all of the time.

First retrace your steps and look.

Next, need to look methodically. In one place in one room at a time. Look everywhere in that room before going to the next room. Don't race off to look in the cupboard under the stairs half way through.

Put it out of your mind that it might not be in the house. That's unlikely for a start and you can't properly look for something if you don't think it's there.

[mysteryknickers]

I lose things all the time by putting them down in strange places. They always turn up. Try to retrace your steps. get DP to look too - fresh eyes.
I hope it turns up. And download all your photos when it does

[DustyMaiden]

How old is DD? Would she have played with it, moved it.

[pocketsaviour]

What does it say about me that I should feel so awful with butterflies in my stomach and a generally sick feeling?

It just says that you fear you've lost something very precious. I felt the same when I lost a necklace that had belonged to my grandparents :(

He said something to us about "hiding our valuables" before the dc and I left (2 seconds before) and that anything that wasn't hidden wasn't his problem

This sounds like your H was expecting the painter to have sticky fingers. Have you asked him why he said that? Where did the painter come from, was it a personal recommendation? Why have you engaged someone who can't speak english, or was he sent as an employee of a company?

[Sophia1984]

To me it sounds like you are very anxious or stressed, and this has been the final straw. When I'm feeling really anxious I sometimes fixate on things that don't seem that important but I feel sort of paralysed and unable to make decisions. I totally understand you feeling vulnerable and violated too - photos are very personal.

Secondly, I am the Queen of losing things. Is it possible that you have put it in a bag, rather than leaving it around the house? Have you checked with your DD? (not sure how old she is).

I really hope you find it x

[hateflying1]

Thank you for your messages.

I am sorry you lost your grandparents' necklace pocket .

Dd is 10 so wouldn't play with the camera and since everyone in the house now knows I am having a breakdown about it , would have said where she had it.

The thing about possibly moving it is that I have no memory of doing it at all. I was reading today that it is possible for this to happen if you are preoccupied with other stuff but I was so sure I would find the camera in dd's bedroom...

H employs people on a temporary basis all the time. He is self employed and they generally work with him. If there is a lull he sometimes gets them to do things in our house. He must have known this person for about 2 months give or take?

[hateflying1]

X post Sophia will answer your post in a minute.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Could you ask 101 if someone could check out the painters house?

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

After the comment DH made, I'd suspect that he has it and is teaching you a lesson about leaving valuables out.

It would be unusual for the builder to steal it if he's known your DH for two months and is getting regular income from him! Doesn't mean he didn't, but not everyone is a thief.

Search through. It tends to be easier to find things when you're calm, so try to do that too. Recruit DH and DD to look, if they haven't already, and remember that chances are, it's in your house and will turn up.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Unless there is evidence that the builder took the camera, the police aren't getting a warrant to search his house. And without a warrant, the police would probably not bother, and they'd be relying on the builder letting them in - and he wouldn't, if he'd stolen it and had it in the house.

[Finola1step]

Think safe places.

My dh and I do this sort of thing all the time. Will have something in hand (cheque book, jewellery, keys etc). Will be thinking to self "I'd better put these in a safe place before I lose them". Will then get preoccupied and will truly not remember what happens next. 9 times out of 10, important/ valuable stuff found in an appropriate safe place. I will have no memory of putting it there.

[Finola1step]

Oh yes, the comment from your dh is interesting.

[HortonWho]

I would go to every single location you rushed around in - I often accidentally leave my phone somewhere between picking up one item and putting down another. You probably had the camera in your hand thinking "hide valuables"
and that thought was replaced by "put that down, that stays in the house" when you had a few things in your hands, like keys, wallet, dirty sock off floor, camera.

Did you drive? I sometimes have the "brilliant" idea to lock valuables in the car and then immediately forget because half an hour later it's a daft idea to put valuables in a car someone can easily break into (I'm from days before car alarms when windows were routinely smashed for your pull out radio)

[hateflying1]

Thanks for the further messages. Yes am wondering if I put it in a bag or safe place. Have absolutely zero recollection of having done so but as you say finola that doesn't mean I didn't. Am I a prize idiot for searching all these places if in fact it has been taken? Maybe I should just have a massive declutter instead and it might turn up that way?

I honestly feel like nothing is worth anything anymore . I know that sounds melodramatic but everything is hurting and all I can do is think about this . Plus if it has been taken I will never actually know as how can anyone ever be sure that something has gone short of emptying their house completely. Which means that H will be working with a thief that got one over on me .

[hateflying1]

Thank you Horton - I will try to go to every location but so far it's not looking good as I have already half tried. Definitely not in the car as I did not drive. I am hoping I did hide it. I am am not organised so I have to clear the decks which might help.

I just have a horrible sinking it's been taken feeling though .

[goddessofsmallthings]

Having looked for your camera without success, try this:
saintanthonylostandfound.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/how-to-find-something-by-praying-to-st.html

[RealityCheque]

Seriously, goddess?

[HolgerDanske]

Lots of people advocate asking St. Anthony, patron saint of lost things, Reality Comes up all the time here on lost items threads. Funnily enough it often works, anecdotally. I reckon it's a bit like the trick you can use of asking your subconscious a question before you go to bed and often you'll find you know the answer in the morning. After all your brain has stored memories of every single thing you've ever done, whether or not you can actually access them.

I wish you all the best in finding the camera, OP, or in coming to terms with it if it is actually gone.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I lost something once. Couldn't find it in any of the places it could have been. Started looking through drawers even though I knew it couldn't be there. It was.

[hateflying1]

Thank you.

Woke up this morning and for a second forgot the whole saga. It then washed over me and the sick feeling in my stomach has come back . I am working as a supply TA in a really tedious role at the moment and would rather be at home turning the place upside down looking for the bloody camera . Am supposed to be planning for my other dd's birthday this weekend and haven't done much .

Asked H whether the painter would still be in our house today and he said yes unless I wanted to finish the painting , and that if I was that worried about the camera I would be looking for it . I have looked for it for about 3 hours altogether but H knows little about what I think and feel about anything so I could not begin to explain the knot in my stomach or how my limbs are aching through stress. Have told my family but don't discuss things like this with him as he is self-absorbed and un-empathetic.

It's as if my mental and emotional stability hinges on finding this camera, but if the completely uncommunicative painter intruder has taken it then it's totally pointless looking for it .

Am also distressed that I have no recollection of what I did with the camera. Does this mean that I left it where it was (and it was taken)?

Sorry, am going round in circles.

[eyeslikebutterflies]

I usually blame other people when I lose something. I will swear blind I left it somewhere and if it's not there that's proof that someone has taken it.

It's one of my most annoying habits. Everything I have lost has turned up in the end. I'm just a very busy, stressed woman and that makes me super forgetful.

Ask the painter, you never know. But otherwise just look in all the places it shouldn't be!

Also: your emotional response seems disproportionate. What's the real reason you're so upset? Try and disentangle the two and you'll feel calmer and better able to search methodically x

[Walkacrossthesand]

I'm a bit concerned about your husbands reaction TBH. When someone close to us has had a misfortune befall them, there may be times when we privately opine that it was avoidable - but that isn't a kind or helpful thought and we focus on sympathising. Your husband seems almost to be relishing your anguish - 'if you cared that much you'd be looking for it now' - really???
Is there any possibility At All that he's hidden it - was he in the house between you last seeing it & it being gone? Does he have form for nastiness?

[ovenchips]

OP Your posts read like you've gone into anxiety overdrive which sounds very, very unpleasant for you. The response is not proportionate to what has happened. By far the most likely scenario is that the camera has been mislaid and is somewhere in the house, which is very easily done by anyone.

I don't know if you have anxiety issues anyway (and not looking for you to answer) but using strategies to deal with these intrusive thoughts might be helpful.