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overcoming fear to start a relationship

(7 Posts)
onadaylikethis Tue 15-Mar-16 09:36:08

My marriage ended just over 2 and a half years ago. I met a man last October, and we have just been seeing each other, things are coming to a head just now and we are trying to work out if we commit or not. I am realising now that I liked things without the commitment because I am so terrified of commiting to someone, for it to just fall appart further down the line. But I also know that I don't really want to spend the rest of my life alone, however I do consider this because of the fear of failing in another relationship. He is the first person I have met since the breakdown of my marriage that I have considered commiting to. I really like him, we get on incredibly well, he is the one I want to discuss things with, I trust him, we have fun together.....but right now he is waiting for me to tell him what I think, and I'm feeling sick with the fear of possibly deciding to go for it.....but also thinking of him not being in my life is hard to imagine now. He doesn't know either whether to commit or not. Just don't know where to go from here!?

CocktailQueen Tue 15-Mar-16 09:43:17

Why can't you just carry on as you are? What 'committing' do you think you have to do now? Can't you just carry on seeing each other casually?

onadaylikethis Tue 15-Mar-16 09:48:10

we have got to a point where we are questioning what we are doing/where we are going.... that is why this has arisen and because it has arisen its doesn't seem possible to go back for some reason!

RockUnit Tue 15-Mar-16 09:57:34

I really like him, we get on incredibly well, he is the one I want to discuss things with, I trust him, we have fun together

That all sounds good. Is it more than "really like" on both sides?

What would you advise a friend to do?

onadaylikethis Tue 15-Mar-16 10:07:29

What would you advise a friend to do?

That is such good advice!
I would tell her to be brave!!

I think we are both being cautious, I know that I play it 'very cool' when I'm with him - guess it is a self protection response, I haven't ever told him I like him......or even really paid him any compliment.

I cant tell how he feels, he seems confused - that could be because of my vibe. There isn't any doubt that we get on well though!

custardmountains2 Tue 15-Mar-16 18:02:17

I think he would tell you if he liked you to be more tbh - that's always the advice on here that if a man really likes you he will tell you/let you know he likes you that way/ask you out ect.

Bree85 Wed 16-Mar-16 14:38:38

Take the relationship one step at a time. :D Don't hurry up.

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