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Why can't he leave me alone?

(8 Posts)
ClassicMonkey Mon 14-Mar-16 23:14:02

I'm still having issues from an ex from about a year ago. We were only together for about 2 months. A few of my close friends know how bad it was but I never confided in my mum who I'm really close to because I know it would break her heart.
I'm trying to keep this from turning into an essay but basically
- He started staying over very soon in the relationship and didn't contribute to my bills. He told me he couldn't stay with his parents (who have been seperated for a while and live seperately) and he couldn't afford to get his own place because his ex took a lot of money for their baby.
- He used to lie about going to work. He worked in a very manual job were people come home rotten (think plasterer or joiner) and he would come to mine after work fresh as a daisy.
- He once changed his whatsapp profile picture "accidentally" to a naked picture of me.
- He used my phone to contact his ex using my facebook account saying that I've contacted a solicitor and that we'll have full custody of the baby and that I'll be a great step mummy. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't have much interest in children and find young babies quite stressful. He then deleted the messages from my phone.
- I ended things after he raped me on my sofa. I feel like I'm still recovering from this and even though it was a year ago I still feel anxious and it's really affecting my life.
- He turned up at my house to collect things after I broke up with him. I said I wouldn't let him in and I would post his belongings to him. He said he'd left a saw and when I couldn't find it I (stupidly) let him in. He found two plates in the sink and accused me of having someone over (in my own house. After we'd broken up)
- He then proceeded to stalk me. He actually lives in a completely different part of the country and I'm the only person from this area he knows. He used to drive past my mum's and he would park a street away from where I live knowing I'd walk past to get the bus. I actually still get cabs to work because I get anxious about seeing him.
- When I'd grown some balls had enough I told him I'd contact the police and tell them that he'd raped me and that he was now stalking me, his mum threatened to kill me if I stopped him from seeing his son (she has a bad relationship with the baby's mother and only has access through my ex)

He now finds different ways of contacting me and at Christmas saying he was thinking of me and wondering how I'd been. I told him again that I would go to the police and he said I've got no proof of anything and called me a headcase.
He has now text me from a number I don't know asking who it is as he has a new phone. He knows full fucking well who I am. Why is he doing this?
I won't actually go to the police. There's no point. There's no evidence of what happened. Just my word against his. I'm a bit worried that if I did go to the police my mum would somehow find out.
The text he's sent has completely knocked me and my anxiety is at it's highest. I've been to my GP who's said there's a 5 month waiting list for councilling and I can't afford to pay for one sad

ClassicMonkey Mon 14-Mar-16 23:14:20

That's an essay sorry blush

Marchate Mon 14-Mar-16 23:22:45

Report him to the police. For any of the above. All, if you can cope

You shouldn't be afraid to get through the day

ClassicMonkey Mon 14-Mar-16 23:56:02

Marchate I just feel like there isn't any evidence. I have no doubt that his mum would actually come after me. I'm also scared that if I was taken seriously I'd be interviewed or have to go to court and my mum would find out

Marchate Tue 15-Mar-16 00:00:04

If you can't cope with that, please phone Women's Aid, Rape Crisis, or even the police advice line which I think is 101 but you'd have to check. He is being abusive, harassing you, threatening you... And he will move on to another 'victim' eventually

Pinkheart5915 Tue 15-Mar-16 00:03:19

He sounds like a horrid little man, and the mother doesn't sound much better no doubt you are better off away from him.

Could you snap your SIM card get a new one, then you have a new number. I assume any friends and family would know not to give him the new number.

Could you not go to the police station and just ask for advice? I'm sure they would advise the best action.
You would have evidence to go to the police if you have any texts,emails from him. Also keep a diary of everything that happens.

You should be able to get through a day without being afraid.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 15-Mar-16 00:12:45

Why is he doing this? Because he can while you're letting him get away with it.

I won't actually go to the police Why not? They should have been your first port of call and I strongly advise you to report his harassment of you to them asap as any texts/emails/other communication he sends you can be used as evidence.

There's no reason to suppose that reporting him to the police will cause your dm to become aware of what has been and is going on, but I urge you to divulge the full story to her as keeping her in ignorance is depriving you of an invaluable source of support from someone who loves and values you above all things and, more particularly, because if she were to find out from a third party she'd be brokenhearted that you hadn't confided her.

As far as his mother is concerned, be sure to appraise the police of the threat(s) to kill she's made against you.

The bottom line is that no woman has to put up with this kind of shit from any man, let alone from an abusive cocklodging rapist, and the answer to your problem is in your own hands. Stand strong and you'll find a virtual army of m/netters standing beside you shoulder to shoulder.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 15-Mar-16 00:24:04

I have no doubt that his mum would actually come after me Really? I doubt it very much indeed as she can't be unaware of the consequences of such behaviour.

I'm also scared that if I was taken seriously I'd be interviewed or have to go to court You won't be "interviewed". At most the police will take a statement from you and it's highly unlikely you'll see the inside of a court unless you become a victim or perpetrator of another crime entirely.

This particular twunt is getting off on getting away with it and in all probability a police harassment warning will settle his hash once and for all and you'll never hear from him again.

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