First time posting and I'm scared about what might come back, please be kind. I'm sorry if post too long.
I turned 50 last year and my youngest DC left home to go to university shortly afterwards. My other DC is now living and working in London. We have been living overseas for four years due to DH job. Just for the record I have always worked until leaving the UK but it makes no financial sense here and I don't have the languages.
The point to all this is that in November I had a feeling something wasn't right, we had a row and DH threw his phone at me as I asked to check his messages. He then fell asleep and I went through the phone and found messages to and from a female colleague . They had pet names for each other and though I saw nothing sexual they had planned a night away together and were messaging several times a day.
I confronted DH immediately and he has given me a range of excuses but always swore blind nothing physical happened. Mainly it was an ego boost he says. I was still very upset and we had a month of counselling before Christmas. I felt we were getting somewhere but then looked at his phone one night and it had started again. The hurt was awful & still is, I asked why and he said he just drifted into it again.
So now we're in March and he swears it's over but he travels a lot with her for work and every time I am in pieces, if he doesn't call I start losing the plot and calling him constantly but he refuses to answer, says he's with customers/colleagues/not prepared to put up with this shit etc etc.
I'm frightened of the future without him but I'm also frightened of still feeling like this in another year or another 5 years when maybe he's done it again. I feel before we left the UK I had some independence although we decided early on that he could earn more than me and that one of us needed to be there for the children as much as possible. I still worked 25-30 hrs per week.
I now have no children at home, no job, not many friends and a husband. who has cheated, emotionally if nothing else. I'm feeling so lonely & I wish so much that I'd never left the UK but don't have the finances to return on my own. He told me that he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again because he doesn't understand why he did it and wants to see a counsellor to try and understand. He now says he has no time to see a counsellor and he doesn't think I need to worry he won't do it again.
I sound so pathetic reading this back, I just want the future I thought I had. Do I stay and wait it out or try and find a way to return to the UK?
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Relationships
Shall I keep trying
Emptynestx2 · 14/03/2016 21:51
Sorry to hear stuff like this. Hope you sort it out
Don't hide your feelings though, sooner or later you can become depressed or sad or uncomfortable with yourself. That's not a good situation to be in. Try and stand up for yourself, your feelings and rights. He fell in love with you in the first place, so you are still the same woman, don't give up on yourself. Talk to him, if you feel isolated , express your feelings and act upon them.
Your husband regularly goes away with the woman he is shagging. Tell us again what you are trying to make yourself "believe" ? 
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