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A small rant - fed up with men boasting about their OW.

(21 Posts)
MaliaGrace Mon 14-Mar-16 20:04:25

I'm ranting on here in the hope that it'll help me to let off steam.

A couple of the the men in my immediate circle are very open about the fact they are regularly having sex with OW. They are both married/with children and see multiple OW. I know that they both see up to 2 different OW each week, up to 3 times per week.

I don't want to be too specific, or get in to the 'how do I know' debate at the mo (although I accept people will simply say that they are lying/bigging up their experiences but I know they're not).

I detest the boasting, the pictures, the stories. I do NOT want to know. I've told them that I don't want to know, I've told them to shut up, I avoid them where possible, I've deleted the pics that they send to me and yet they will 'banter' with each other and other friends/colleagues about their OW.

I just wish it would stop - I hate it, the Monday morning boasting about their weekend activities was bad enough but now it's most days. They're so bloody cocky, so pleased with themselves, patting themselves on the back at the deceit, it's horrible.

I doubt it will ever change, it's been going on for yrs - they're filthy.

I'm not expecting replies, I just needed to write it down.

Finola1step Mon 14-Mar-16 20:06:14

Are these men you can actually cut out of your life?

MsMommie Mon 14-Mar-16 20:06:42

Tell their wives

AnyFucker Mon 14-Mar-16 20:09:06

I would dob them in. They obviously want to get found out, so do it for them.

cheminotte Mon 14-Mar-16 20:12:53

I'm assuming these are colleagues? When I worked in a male dominated environment the men seemed to forget that I wasn't 'one of the lads' after a while and would moan about having to pay maintenance etc. I just disengaged as much as I could.

MaliaGrace Mon 14-Mar-16 20:17:43

I cant cut them out of my life which is why I'm so fed up of it.

I've considered telling on them - I used to wonder if one of the parters/wife knew some of what was going on and chose to 'accept it', I don't know of course. Maybe she doesn't have a clue, after all many people never suspect that cheating is going on.

ittooshallpass Mon 14-Mar-16 20:17:44

Yuk. Sounds like these are your work colleagues...? I've worked with these type of 'men' before... not good. No advice really, but feel free to rant.

If the company is big enough (and it is at work) you can ask HR to have a word about discussing their personal lives at work...

stumblymonkey Mon 14-Mar-16 20:26:16

Yuck.

Thankfully I've never met any men like this. Have you ever told them to keep their horrible behaviour to themselves?

LaurieFairyCake Mon 14-Mar-16 20:29:23

It's sexual harassment. Call HR.

They're sending you pictures and trying to embarrass you. Boasting about sex. It's completely obviously sexual harassment.

MaliaGrace Mon 14-Mar-16 20:30:41

Thank you for all of your replies btw, it is helping.

I have told them that I don't want to know but still the boasting continues. Oddly they don't seem to care what other people think - it's bizarre.

MaliaGrace Mon 14-Mar-16 20:33:12

Laurie, I'd never thought about it like that. I guess it's so normal now ie after years and years that its become hard to see it for what it is.

Trills Mon 14-Mar-16 20:34:46

What phone do you have? Can you record their boasting?

MaliaGrace Mon 14-Mar-16 20:38:26

Trills I possibly could record it yes.

Fratelli Mon 14-Mar-16 20:45:01

That's utterly disgusting! And what a horrible situation for you. I'd tell tbh. Vile people!

stumblymonkey Mon 14-Mar-16 20:45:13

Laurie...you're absolutely right!

I hadn't thought about it when I read OPs post but it definitely does meet the criteria for sexual harrassment.

Trills Mon 14-Mar-16 20:47:58

Record it.

Give HR a copy and say that you think they are doing it to upset you.

Send their wives a copy too.

CheersMedea Tue 15-Mar-16 11:08:44

This is very common in my work sphere too - and also in my DH's (his work world is worse than mine) although it's less "boasting" but more "open secret".

It's almost as if it is regarded as par for the course/an expected entitlement for men at a certain level.

A lot of these men work in a sort of self-employed/ we are in charge environment - ie. with no HR to speak of - and in my case the conversations I have witnessed are definitely not sexual harassment. Much more social, out of office, taken as read that there is a mistress or several.

One man who is a reasonably good "friend" (work colleague) of my husband is so prolific (he basically operates a rota - so it's more ongoing occasional sex with women who all think they are in a "affair relationship" with him rather than one night stands) that more than once I've read OW stories on here and thought "is that about him?". I've been so tempted many times to start a thread titled "are you having an affair with a [job title] man with the initials [XY] in [city] ?" and would expect a deluge of answers. His success rate is extraordinary; I personally have met two women on his rota and both of them were totally starry eyed and in love with him. Both thought they were the only one.

Seeing this at close quarters has made me very cynical I'm afraid.

IrianofWay Tue 15-Mar-16 13:07:41

Disrespectful and inappropriate behaviour. Please tell HR and let them deal with it.

stumblymonkey Tue 15-Mar-16 13:11:29

Cheers...wow, that's horrific.

I think I would also be tempted to start that thread....eek!

LaurieFairyCake Tue 15-Mar-16 14:57:30

Definitely start that thread Cheers

I can't believe women fall for this so much. Actually I can't believe why women put up with being the other woman at all.

AnyFucker Tue 15-Mar-16 15:13:56

Slim pickings, indeed

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