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help! are confused feelings at end of marriage normal?

(6 Posts)
LalaDipsey Sun 13-Mar-16 20:42:27

I and ExH ended 4yrs ago and he moved out 3yrs ago. Divorce details finally agreed this week which means decree absolute probably within the next 2 months.
This is good. He wasn't great. He chose alcohol over me and the children.
Is it normal at this point to be, whilst thankful it's all coming to an end, also a bit confused? I find myself wanting to text him to ask if it was worth it? If, choosing not to stop drinking has made him happier than he thinks he could have been if he had stopped drinking and stayed?
I also find myself thinking of all the memories I have now lost. I can never now celebrate my ruby wedding anniversary. He is the one I was with the day the twin towers went down, when Princess Diana died. Those shared memories I will never have with anyone else. But also how sad is it that the days our children were born aren't so precious because he wasn't so great - pissed when DD was born for example.
So, it's good, and anyone who remembers my threads when I didn't know what to do - thankyou - because ending it was right,
It is still just sad, personally, that my marriage has truly ended. That is sad. Is it ok and normal to feel this? He is an odd abusive chap in that there are many times when he is honestly so great, and I think if the chips were down and I needed him he would be there for me, he just couldn't manage that on a day-to-day basis

Justaboy Sun 13-Mar-16 21:51:59

LalaDipsey. there are lot of feelings when a marriage/ relationship ends they can be most anything. I sound off a bit sometimes re my ex and the way she betrayed and cheated me but i still remember the good times.

Is he still drinking as the demon booze is sodding up a friends marriage sadly:-(

ConkersDontScareSpiders Sun 13-Mar-16 22:09:19

I also mourn the loss of the things that I should have had-the big anniversaries etc and if I think too much about the amazing times, the girls being born etc it makes me very sad-because those memories seem tainted now a little bit.
I miss ex h sometimes-and more than I thought I would because of course it wasn't all bad.And it's hard mentally to go from being married and part of a unit to being on your own, even when you were unhappily married.
I totally think it the right decision for us not to be together but it's not without regret.

Joy69 Sun 13-Mar-16 23:10:01

I also feel sad for the loss of my marriage. Splitting up was the right thing to do, but unlike some people I don't want a divorce party etc to celebrate the fact that its over. I just feel sad that we couldn't make it work.

LalaDipsey Mon 14-Mar-16 06:57:05

Thanks. That makes me feel normal. I had thought I might get slated for having sad feelings when he ended up quite a nightmare. But of course he wasn't always. Yes, he's still drinking. How much I don't know as don't have to live with it now smile. Which is good

Namechanger2015 Mon 14-Mar-16 07:02:23

I'm the same, my ExH was a sucks and continues to be so during the divorce process. Info talk a openly about the good times in our marriage as I enjoyed them all, and we have some lovely memories of days out with the children when they were little, birthday parties etc. I tend to sweep the abuse under the carpet a bit and I miss him and being part of a little family a lot. My family are lovely but nothing really fills that void, even though I was desperately unhappy living with him on a day to day basis.

He continues to be horrible, I would never go back, but I could cry at the loss of what could have been. I could have been a normal happily married woman with a normal loving husband, but I chose badly. He ruined what could have been and doesn't really see it.

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