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Advice needed

(17 Posts)
Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:33:42

I met my husband 10 years ago and had a brief fling, he was 8 years younger and ended up with his friends girlfriend and got her pregnant, she was 15 years younger than him, we remained friends and after they had been together about two years she had an affair, they split she moved in with chap she had affair with and eventually we got back together , he obviously had contact with her and it took a good while for him to get over her, she kept him in tow when she felt like it!!!! We eventually moved in together 6 years ago when I got very ill for a good year , he looked after me and then a couple of years later asked me to marry him, we got married and then it went wrong!!!! The ex got involved with SS and they wanted us to have my husbands son as his mum was a big drug taker and had lots of partners and by now also had another child by somone else who she didn't want to have a relationship with, anyhow my husband wouldn't take his son and by now I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall and was taught to protect children...he was drinking so much it was untrue and smoking pot all the time , It turned out he was protecting his ex because they had been having an affair 8 months after we were married, I contacted SS and told them everything about what had been going on as he obviously wasn't going to tell the truth about what was going on with his sons mother, also that he was drinking and smoking weed as it was obvious that he couldn't be trusted, I asked him to leave , so we could have space, and work on sorting stuff out, after all he was my best friend and we are married! !! People make mistakes and a young attractive girl throwing themselves at him became too much, ! We worked at our relationship and things were still strained as the ex wanted him back whatever , she would launch at him at vunarable moments and it turned out they had another fling in October, this time in a rage I took all his stuff back as he didn't admit this time until he was caught... He said he wanted to see if he could go back for his sons sake but wanted to stay with me, but now wanted a divorce !!! I am devistated , I set him up with his own business , I've looked after his children for 7 years, I paid off his debts and he repays me with this, he lies still to SS and lies to them about being with his ex, they hide the relationship and he still lies to me about it ! Why bother, he can't afford to divorce me and says well it's just the way forward and he wants me to pay so he can move forward, but then says we can be friends !!! Is he mad ? It's like I never even existed , he's moved on and that's that

jbee1979 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:00:30

The start of this post makes no sense and I struggled to read the rest of it. I'm sure if you edit it, people will be more inclined to get to the end of your post and hopefully offer advice.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 13-Mar-16 20:06:59

He has treated you badly. From what you have written, you would be well-rid of him. By blaming the mother of his child for 'throwing herself' at him, you have tried to excuse his behaviour in a way he doesn't deserve. He had a choice, several times, and he continued a relationship with her. You will get over him eventually.

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:09:30

Sorry about bad grammar , no glasses and on a rant , I miss the children .... It hurts

Waltermittythesequel Sun 13-Mar-16 20:10:23

People make mistakes and a young attractive girl throwing themselves at him became too much

Yeah, your poor, alcoholic, pot smoking, shit father of an ex is just a victim of a scarlet woman throwing herself at him.

Come on, ffs!

Waltermittythesequel Sun 13-Mar-16 20:10:42

What children?!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 13-Mar-16 20:11:51

OP, do you mean the step-children?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 13-Mar-16 20:51:59

Have I got this right? He is divorcing you to go back to the mother of his children. They both take drugs. He has been having sex with her while married to you.

He wants you to pay for something to do with the divorce or he can't afford to do the divorce. He wants to be friends, by which he probably means have sex when he feels like it and have you continue to buy stuff for him.

In answer to your question, I'd say he is not mad, he is bad. He is a bad father. He is a bad husband. He is a bad person.

I'd be giving him no more money and I'd be divorcing him as quickly as possible and I would take steps to never see him again.

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:57:13

Yes you have it right... I'm just getting my head round it, his parents who are in the church say he doesn't do relationships , they just pay him on the back and say we want what you want, they knew what was going on with the mother but wouldn't report her either despite seeing what was going on first hand, they think I was wrong telling SS what happened ,

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:57:46

That should have said pat

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 21:00:08

Because of involvement with SS they are now both clean , for 3 months which has got to be a good thing for the children, at least that's somthing good out of all this

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 21:01:43

And yes I've cut all contact apart from with the solicitor

springydaffs Sun 13-Mar-16 22:41:42

Is he mad ?

You're the one who's mad - to put up with this unbelievable shit.

As Rabbit days, he is baaaad. Bad all round. BAD NEWS.

I doubt very very much if they will stay clean (I may be wrong).

LineyReborn Sun 13-Mar-16 22:45:50

Which children do you miss?

P.s. dump his ass anyway.

Annie5079 Sun 13-Mar-16 23:57:24

I miss his children, mine is at home with me, she is 22 and in a fantastic job , I'm very lucky , she's done so well and works as an IT worker for the NHS and we are seeing a flat for her to buy tomorrow afternoon , I'm very lucky as I survived cancer when a lot of good friends didn't ...... So all in all I've made it and I'm glad to be here, I'm just sad a man I loved didn't appreciate what I thought we had

haveacupoftea Mon 14-Mar-16 00:16:02

He's a messed up piece of bad news. Good riddance.

Marilynsbigsister Mon 14-Mar-16 07:00:12

OP, I am probably around your age, so not one who easily says LTB but honestly, this man has absolutely no redeeming features at all. Consider his leaving a massive favour, look at some serious self-help or counselling to explore why your self-esteem is so low, that you would stand for any of this behaviour. The get yourself back out there and have a great relationship with an actual grown-up as opposed to this imbecile...

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