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So who else LTB?

(47 Posts)
expectantmum79 Sun 13-Mar-16 11:14:44

So often do we hear the 3 initial acronym on Mumsnet. I'm starting the ball rolling:

It's been 9 months for me. It's still hard but progress made. There are dark days still . . . Anyone else out there?

expectantmum79 Sun 13-Mar-16 11:46:21


HoppingForward Sun 13-Mar-16 14:04:43

Yes, me. I'm only 5 weeks in though and I did get him to leave the family home so I think that has made it easier for me.

The house feels so different without him here, it's lovely. The DC are struggling, good days and bad days but we will get there.

He is seeing 2 out of 3 DC at their own choice so I have some free time which is weird but nice at the same time.

He is being Mr nice at the minute but I know he won't be able to keep it up for much longer, he never could when he was here so I'm enjoying this time but wary iykwim.

I've applied for WTC and will save as much as I can to get ready to see a lawyer and divorce so I'm not tied to him but I know that will mean we sell the house which makes me sad because I live this house but if that's whT IT taks then so be it.

nicenewdusters Sun 13-Mar-16 14:17:16

Yes, nearly a year for me.

Really very happy for most of our years together, then an event crashed into our lives and I couldn't recover from it. I've spent the year just keeping the wheels on, so to speak, trying not to feel anything. Now the dust has settled I am heartbroken for us both, and our children. There's no going back, but at a distance now I just see two very battered people who coped (or didn't) so differently with the same situation.

If I'd posted about my situation at the time I think it would have been LTB almost unanimously. Still hurts every day though.

NewStartNow Sun 13-Mar-16 14:17:24

Me and dd. 6 weeks now. Miss the companionship but not the abuse.

springydaffs Sun 13-Mar-16 14:33:53

Hoping, you can pay legal fees out of the settlement (when it comes). Not putting you off saving - always a good idea! - but bear in mind you don't have to pay straight away. I've also paid other legal fees a set amount per month over a number of years.

Yes I left decades ago. Faintly sad about it still, in a way (how great it would have been if I was married to the father of my children eg). Had to be done though.

Though I never understand how people say kids are resilient. Ime the kids took it hard over a long period, in various ways. It had to be done but doesn't mean it was easy. Infinitely better all round though! (domestic abuse)

HoppingForward Sun 13-Mar-16 14:41:09

springy the DCS are all coping at different levels (we have 3 DC together after 15 years of marriage) I always thought they were unaware of the emotional abuse he put me through but sadly they know far more than I ever wanted them to.

Thank you for the advice, I'm seeing a lawyer next week to try and figure it all out, I'm being told I'm not entitled to legal aid but if I could have a payment plan and set the wheels rolling it would make me feel a lot better about sorting it all out.

It took me 4 years to finally be strong enough to ltb. So I'm enjoying my decision and I know it's the best one for all of us, eventually.

BertieBotts Sun 13-Mar-16 15:18:26

6 years ago.

Very happy. Best decision I ever made smile Now married to a total non-B, live in a different country, have a nice job I wouldn't have thought I could have done. Seems like ancient history.

Cabrinha Sun 13-Mar-16 17:12:11

Almost exactly 3 years.
Happy as a clam 😀

PerettiChelsea Sun 13-Mar-16 17:24:24

Yes nearly a year, posted for advice on here which was a lifesaver.
Never been happier smile i put off leaving for so long because I was really afraid how the kids would cope & the house/money.
But although they were sad they are more relaxed these days, we used to dread him coming home I remember starting to feel really sick around 6pm every day waiting for the anger & manipulation to walk through the door.
Money wise I've had to be really creative! I have 3 jobs & I make stuff to sell in the evenings. It's all worth it though smile

Diamogs Sun 13-Mar-16 18:16:10

Nearly 6 months for me. DCs are now well adjusted to it. I'm happy but still coming to terms with the hurt he caused after (what I believed to be) a happy quarter of a century together.

Tiredofeverything Sun 13-Mar-16 18:22:56

Today! Actually finally strong enough to rid-of the lying EA, lazy manipulative delusional poncing cocklodger man child!
I'm angry now but I'm sure I'll be a sobbing mess before the nights out. wineneeded!

AccordingtoMe Sun 13-Mar-16 18:29:48

Here year and seven days ago I walked out and I have never ever regretted that decision at all. In fact I celebrated it with my daughters on our anniversary of escape!

He is still a miserable, emotionally abusive cunt. He just doesn't get to do it to me every day now Ha!

flowers to everyone

BG2015 Sun 13-Mar-16 18:57:15

Yes! 2 years and 4 months ago! He left and once we sold the house and I'd finally moved - some 16 months later - I was finally free from him.

He wasn't my DC dad so I have nothing to do with him now. I hear he's getting married. Third time lucky for him, thank goodness I never married him.

My DC are like different kids without him around! He was a controlling bully and I'm glad to be free!

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 13-Mar-16 19:13:27

Yeah, almost 2 years to the day.

I still see him twice a week (DS) but we get on fab now and it all worked out really well in the end.

I am happy-ish. I miss the companionship and the stability and intimacy of sharing life with someone. But I don't miss the horrible nagging 'what's he up to now' feelings.

HoppingForward Sun 13-Mar-16 19:44:17

Oh yes, I don't miss the what's he up to now/what's he going to do next feelings at all.

And amazingly the house us tidy, the DC are well fed, clean and organised which is something he used to go on and on about how he was the only one that did anything around the house. It's amazing how much you can get done when you feel happier, so much less depressed and anxious all the time.

Sophilicious Sun 13-Mar-16 19:46:35

Yes I left, it will be three years in the summer. Infinitely happier and freeeee! All 3 dd's have come a long way too. It's been a hard journey but totally worthwhile. I also feel, like springdaffs faintly sad about no longer being married but only fleetingly nowadays.

callipygiana Sun 13-Mar-16 20:07:05

Me, a year ago. I moved to his country 20 years ago, and we have three dcs that were born here. He'd never ever let me take them to the UK, so I'm stuck here until my youngest dd is 18. After that, I'm sure I'll go back home, and the kids will choose for themselves where they would like to live. All my family are in the UK, so I'm pretty much alone (I've got a few good friends I can ask for help if I need it).

Despite all that, and despite things being pretty tight financially, I'm so much happier now. My kids are happy, well looked after, well fed. We agreed at the start of this to put them first, and I think we've mostly managed that. I don't like him much at all, but I deal with him daily for the kids' sake. We share custody. He nitpicks and bitches about money. He's bitter, and he blames me for his shit life, but the kids don't see that. He can be civil to me when they're around.

My house is calm, clean and tidy. I can stick to a budget and haven't been overdrawn since I got my own bank account a year ago. When we were married we were permanently in debt. He still is, as far as I know.

People often tell me that I'm brave because I kicked him out, despite being alone here. I just realised that life is too short to spend it being miserable with the wrong person.

HoppingForward Sun 13-Mar-16 20:33:42

I sometimes feel a bit sorry for him. I've known for 4 years (married 15) that enough was enough, I was either spying on him, waiting to catch him out or dreaming of a time when he wasn't here, just waiting for that one big last reason to get him out.

He feels like it's just that one incident that caused me to force him to leave, he says he will get me to forgive him but my feelings are long gone and I'm happier now than ever before.

LovesPeace Sun 13-Mar-16 21:12:46

Me! Around four years ago (I have lost count) I ditched the lying weasel.

Never been happier - have sorted out my money, my life, everything.

And I've been dating the loveliest man for 3 years - he couldn't be nicer to me.

The only regret I have is that I put up with so much shit from the lying weasel before I finally had 'the proof that I needed' to leave the swine.

In retrospect - I know I needed no proof at all, ever, to live my life for me.

flowers to all the women (and men) on the path to happiness.

RomiiRoo Sun 13-Mar-16 21:22:43

Three years - considered reconciliation last summer - but regained my senses when I realised he was just better at saying the right things, that was all.

HavingAnOffDAy Tue 15-Mar-16 07:13:11

Me! Separated Dec 14, I moved out June '15 & we share 50:50 custody of our 2 dc. We've been divorced since end of Dec 15.

He was EA, and I stupidly thought that would stop when I left. He's been an arse, but I can't believe how much more happy & confident I feel without him.

Dc have adjusted well, it's not been plain sailing but I'm glad I ltb smile

DoreenLethal Tue 15-Mar-16 07:20:02

20 odd years ago - still walking on air!

tomatoplantproject Tue 15-Mar-16 07:53:45

Me. I snooped and found messages between him and ow 11 months ago. Divorce is in progress and I am slowly putting my life back together again with the support of my amazing friends and family.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 15-Mar-16 09:17:23

Me too - gosh it's been over 6 years now.
Took me 5 years to divorce him though.
Had to live with him for 6 months before he moved to another country to be with the pregnant OW!
I've just moved into a new house with a gorgeous man who I love deeply and we are starting our new life together.
I was totally broken for a while but my friends and family were fantastic and I made it out the other side.
So much happier now.
My DD took it hard and blamed me to begin with. She's 18 now and still apologises for how awful she was to me. But she's fab now and realises her dad is a prize cock. She gets on great with my partner who is a god send.

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