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Is he just bored of me?

(7 Posts)
In2theunknown82 Sat 12-Mar-16 21:01:24

Been married just over a year, the past few month haven't been great, I'm quite insecure and we have had an incident where dh was speaking to ow early on in our marriage, deleted messages etc he said it was nothing. I believe because of things I've seen it probably was more than that but tried to move on. I am really happy a lot but then I just change all of a sudden and that's it I can't cheer up he says I mess with his head. I understand that. But over the last few month he's distant doesn't seem interested in sex or being close and just wants to do his own thing. I feel like it's so different now I don't know if it's my insecurities or he is getting bored of me. I feel like I might be driving him away sometimes but then he says he's happy and we are then it's like he's not interested anymore and I get down and stressed.

honeyroar Sat 12-Mar-16 21:56:14

So you've only been married a year, he's probably cheated, or lied, he's being distant and blaming you for not immediately reverting to happy 100% of the time and is making you feel insecure? Reading all that, you'd probably be happier without him anywhere.

I would try and get some counselling for yourself, and even better as a couple. See if you can get everything better for yourself and more commitment and dedication to your marriage from him. Otherwise it's barely worth it.

In2theunknown82 Sat 12-Mar-16 22:01:54

Thank you, I'm already going to counselling but the couples one won't happen. I've always been insecure, past experiences etc. but I'm really insecure now that it affects daily life (the reason I'm in therapy) he just doesn't seem interested anymore and I worry I'm just overthinking things, maybe he's settled? And I'm just so self conscious? I dunno. He says I really mess with his head he even once said he feels like he doesn't deserve to be treat like this, I understand to an extent.

honeyroar Sat 12-Mar-16 22:21:25

He's not being very fair, is he! Of course you feel insecure. And if anyone had their head messed with and doesn't deserve it, it's you , not him.

My ex had an affair, right before our wedding. He said me being upset over my parents marriage breakdown had made me difficult to live with. I thought I could understand that, to an extent. I thought I'd driven him away. Now I'm with a kind, generous, selfless man that cares about me I can see that my ex was the useless one. In your case (although I don't know what you saw to make you feel there was more than texts) he should be moving heaven and earth to make things right again, taking the blame, understanding you may be upset for a good while yet. If he can't do that for you, you really need to look at the big picture and whether this man is causing all your insecurities and worries, plus whether you need that..x

In2theunknown82 Sun 13-Mar-16 08:29:49

It's not nice he cheated on you while you were clearly upset sad thank you for the advice, I saw things like various addresses and places on his google maps, him coming in from work late a lot one night he came in from work at 4am. He's also obsessed with porn I think he has a problem. I've never been bothered by porn until now and i feel pathetic that it bothers me it's just he hides it and makes it seem as if it's something more than it is if you get me? He's took something away from us we won't get back and that's the worst thing I thought I could get over it

pallasathena Sun 13-Mar-16 09:24:15

Oh you poor girl. You're in a relationship that's messing with your head. He's projecting his stuff onto you to make you feel as if its all your fault. Heavy users of porn like him have problems, sometimes insurmountable problems with real relationships with real people. Basically, they're seedy little fantasists with a grubby addiction.
You have to be strong and detach from him o/p.

Kr1stina Sun 13-Mar-16 09:30:22

So he probably cheated on you
He's unkind
He's distant
He's addicted to porn
He's not interested in sex
He just does his own thing
He blames you for being upset about his behaviour
He acts like he's bored with you

Why on earth do you want to stay with him ?

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