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Anyone ever felt like it would never happen for them?

(26 Posts)
Teaandcakeat8 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:23:28

Just that really.

I'm 26 and starting to think it will never fall into place for me. I don't have a problem getting dates but I rarely find men I really connect with.

I know many people say they aren't bothered about getting married and having children but in the future I know that I do want children and feel like time is running out.

I split with my ex just before Christmas and he is already in a new relationship. He wasn't right for a number of reasons but I can't seem to let go of the past as I'm so obsessed with the idea that he was my last chance for happiness and I should have tried harder to make it work. I feel like that is so massively stopping me from moving on.

Has anyone felt/feels this way and then it's turned out ok?

SongBird16 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:47:20

I feel like you but then I'm twenty years older. I reckon we have to be hopeful and optimistic while making sure we've got the best life possible. No other choice really is there? And desperate despondency probably isn't going to attract the right sort of man. And you've got ten more years before you might have to start making decisions about children, you don't need to panic yet!

whimsical1975 Sat 12-Mar-16 18:00:40

Right... so let me tell you this upfront... he was NOT your last chance!!!

Every since I was little all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I wanted to get married, have children, and live happily every after. I was 18yrs old when I met my first very serious BF - he was so wrong for me in every single way. We were worlds apart in everything, we had absolutely nothing in common, he was unfaithful for the entire 10yrs I was with him, but I had convinced myself that he was my one and only chance. I remember having countless tearful conversations with my mom, even with my boss at the time, that I didn't want to give up on trying to make it work because if we were truly over then I might never meet anyone else who wants me again. No matter how many times I was told that this was ludicrous I just wasn't brave enough to risk it.

Until, at age 28, I had a hunch that he was seeing someone else (this had happened so often before that I could read the signs by now). I called him out on it, told him I knew everything (which in reality was merely a hunch) and he confessed. I kicked him out (this had also happened many times before)... In the back of my mind I know I was thinking it wouldn't be permanent. I was thinking he'll beg for forgiveness and if he grovels enough we can try again... maybe this time will be different.

But before that could happen I went out with a very good friend of mine who was trying to cheer me up. We met up with her fiance and some of his friends that i'd never met before. I was instantly attracted to one of his friends but any time in the past, when there was an attraction between me and any other man, I would ALWAYS turn them down because even though my BF wasn't faithful I didn't want him to have a reason to leave me - I didn't want to upset him because then if he left me, in my eyes, it would have been my fault and I would only have myself to blame when I was old and alone.

But this night, after 10 years of being too scared to let go, and knowing he was probably with another girl, I just let go of all of it... I let go of everything... I was so emotionally drained that on that night I just didn't care anymore and in that moment I decided to risk a life alone to see where it got me - I spent the whole night, that night, with my now DH... and every single day after that... my BF came crawling back like I had anticipated but when I let it go that night I realised that it may have been the best thing I ever did so when he begged for forgiveness I told him I just didn't have anything more to give. BF then proposed. It was his trump card, he knew I wanted that more than anything and he baited me with it but I had got a glimpse into another world, another world where someone else did want me. I had convinced myself for so long that he was my only chance but I was so misguided. I turned his proposal down and I never saw him again.

I have now been married for 12 years this June. My DH is my very best friend, he is everything I could ever have wished for and a million times more. We have 2 of the most beautiful children and I feel eternally blessed every day of my life. During those 10 emotionally draining years, if anyone had told me I would meet the love of my life and have 2 perfectly beautiful children, I wouldn't have believed them.

I wasn't expecting to meet anyone that night, you just never know what's around that corner and I bet that your happily-ever-after is closer than you think. Please don't settle, he absolutely is not your one and only chance. Let him go and embrace those other opportunities that life throws at you.

TattieHowkerz Sat 12-Mar-16 19:49:41

Yes, I felt like that. I met my DP thirteen years ago, when I was about your age. He's my friend, my partner, my love, I'm glad I didn't settle for less. We've got one child and another on the way.
I don't want to sound patronising, but you are young! Have fun. Everything will work out.

iwillbemrsminty Sat 12-Mar-16 20:05:28

Yes yes yes! Two disaster relationships in 14 years from age 17 to 31, one abusive, I was left feeling like I would be on my own forever. The abusive nature of the latest one didn't help and probably contributed to how I felt. No one would want to be with me, I felt worthless. Until a year ago age 33 when me and my DP found each other. And I had known him all along, was at school together, albeit hadnt seen him in around 10 or 11 years. Life it too short to put up with shit and please please please don't settle OP. You're worth so much more. I sometimes look back and wish so much that I had ended the two long term relationships much sooner and spent those years with my now DP. Who is worth a zillion of both of the exes. However there is no point thinking like that as you can't change the past. It needs to stay in the past. Let it go OP and look forward, you are still so young and have you're whole future to look forward to. Enjoy being single and you never know who you might meet in the queue at the supermarket or at the dentist! smile

iwillbemrsminty Sat 12-Mar-16 20:07:19

*is and *your

Shesinfashion Sat 12-Mar-16 20:51:15

You're only 26. Enjoy your single freedom. There's loads of time for marriage/kids.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Sat 12-Mar-16 22:58:09

I was mid thirties when I met DH and seemed pretty much destined (in everyone's minds) to be Single Auntie forever. Like you, I could never really get to the point of a proper connection, but thought I'd give OLD a go. Two months later I met DH and everything clicked. We now have 3 year old Ds too.

You've plenty of time OP-and if you do meet someone who is right for you my experience is that all the stuff that was hard before suddenly becomes easy.

Chocolatteaddict1 Sat 12-Mar-16 23:08:00

Yes me!

Id not had one single decent relationship my whole life and thought I was actually non- gf material. I'd actually given up as my dick head radar was always way off!

So after my last disasterous relationship I decided to have a bit of an ego boost as finally say I'd go for a drink with a bloke that had been asking on and off for years. He categorically was not my type and did not want a relationship with him.

We have been inseparable since grin honestly if I can find happiness then anyone can!

The only time in my life I didn't go in to the date viewing him as a potential BF.

Chocolatteaddict1 Sat 12-Mar-16 23:08:37

Oh and I was early thirties

WhingyNinja Sat 12-Mar-16 23:14:46

What a lovely post whimsical!! OP, he was not your last chance, promise smile there are billions of people on this earth, enjoy your single time and then get back in the game!

DolphinsandDinosaurs Sun 13-Mar-16 09:06:56

I felt exactly like you at 26. I hadn't managed a relationship that lasted beyond 6 months at that point. All the men I was attracted to weren't interested, and the ones that liked me weren't my type. I thought there was something wrong with me and I couldn't do relationships.

I met DH when I was 27, and we've been together and happy for 13 years now. There is every reason to think it will work out for you!

expectantmum79 Sun 13-Mar-16 11:07:27

We've all felt like that, it will pass. Get your dancing/running/ walking shoes on and get out enjoying yourself.

suspiciousofgoldfish Sun 13-Mar-16 13:34:17

I ended an LTR with a man who was 'fine' when I was 27 and spent the next few years dating very unsuitable men. I absolutely felt like I had made a huge mistake and that I would never get married or have children.

Suffice to say I did and have. But I still remember that feeling of sadness that I had before I met DH (we met OLD, btw, would recommend it).

And I know you might think time is running out but you are only 26 and have plenty of time! When you meet the right person it will probably all fall into place very quickly.

In the meantime, enjoy your single time, date lots, have fun. Once you're married with kids life takes a massive turn and you'll be back on mn starting threads about all the other problems that come with those! grin

Owlcat Sun 13-Mar-16 13:39:52

Me but met my husband at 30 after about 7 years being single, now married with two children.

Owlcat Sun 13-Mar-16 13:45:12

Looking back, I'm glad that I wasn't in a long-term relationship in my 20s, I had no commitments and a great social life. I don't get to go out much or travel now but don't mind because I've done all of that :-)

givepeasachance Sun 13-Mar-16 13:53:19

Please get another ambition in life other than marriage. Why do you even want to get married?

What for?

This friggin obsession with marriage limits you so much. Get an amazing career, run a marathon, travel the world, create a new business, do something.

Seriously, why do you think men are 'the answer'?

LionsLedge Sun 13-Mar-16 14:03:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmellOfPythonInTheMorning Sun 13-Mar-16 14:18:19

After ending a disastrous rebound relationship that followed what I thought had been the love of my life, I was just done with men, by age 30. Took me years to accept that I would never find "him" or have kids of my own, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. Then I met my true soulmate at age 38 and we married the following year smile. You just never know when it is going to happen to you, so make the most of single life in the meantime! I travelled all over the world and had plenty of fun and it was worth the wait.

Teaandcakeat8 Sun 13-Mar-16 14:59:29

It's not my only ambition.

I'm also doing well in a job I enjoy, currently buying my first house, I don't have a huge group of friends but I recognise it's a weak area for me and I want to work on it whilst I'm single (it's one of the reasons I split with my ex as he had no friends and didn't see any need to get any).

I just know that I want children (which I don't think is a bad thing) and to have them in a stable and loving relationship.

I guess the hardest thing is that no one can predict when or where or how it will happen and I'm quite an impatient person! I'm also pessimistic and I find it impossible to visualise that I'll ever even kiss anyone else let alone be married!

slimochuda Sun 13-Mar-16 18:41:10

If you knew what you wanted would happen on a cold Thursday in November in the frozen food aisle at Aldi, well what a few months you'd have, worry free as far as your personal life is concerned. So why not tell yourself it will happen then. I wouldn't mind betting the freedom it gives you mentally will ensure it might just happen between now and then. And if it doesn't, I'll see you in Aldi in November smile

fastdaytears Sun 13-Mar-16 18:44:05

Loving this thread! So many happy stories.

Shesinfashion Sun 13-Mar-16 19:33:47

You are so young! Chances are you will meet someone and have kids. Stop being dramatic and mopey and enjoy your life now.

Gfplux Sun 13-Mar-16 19:46:47

Plenty of time. Remember to be open to the opportunity when it comes along. Sometimes you can be wrong about "he's not my type"

Paperblank Mon 14-Mar-16 15:59:31

I met my DH in 2009 when I was 35 but we didn't get together until 2011.

He proposed on my 39th birthday, we got married in August last year and I am currently cuddling our baby girl.

I NEVER dared imagine that one day I would be so content because given my relationship history I obviously attracted utter toss pots.

I always felt like screaming when other people would say "oooh it'll happen when you're least expecting it to". Turns out they were right...

So in the meantime - go out, buy shoes, have an adventure and enjoy yourself - your Mr Wonderful is out there.

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