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Reeled in by my ex and left to flounder ?

(5 Posts)
Bambino1234 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:30:18

Some may remember my whimpering threads of misery. Slight name change as I have changed email and couldn't remember log in but I think it's not to dissimilar to my origami moniker.

Anyway it's been 18 months since my exdp upped and left for his married co worker.
Well he didn't up and leave, he got me to up and leave so there I am homeless with two small children and unable to work as he wouldn't provide the childcare.

Plodded back home to my mums for a few weeks, in that time he took my car away and was vile towards me something he denies and is always shocked if I mention. Moaned about money, moaned about anything to do with the children and lied continuously about being with her.

So whilst I struggled to find a job that I could manage alone, he opened his new business and gave her a job.
Whilst i asked for him to have the children more he refused as her ex was having their daughter lots so it meant that they had lots of time together.

Anyway I was miserable. Utterly miserable. I look back at last year and it's a blur of tears and struggling.
I didn't want to be a single mum, i know none of us does, I wanted to raise my children with someone not come home from work, cook clean and then spend my nights lonely after bath and bed.
It is lonely.

Anyway I digress. I did get out of the doldrums of self pity in about October time, I was still sad but I had a new job which really seemed to bring me out of myself and I felt like I had found me again.

I had a wobble not long after when we went on a family trip to London, it was something we had always said we would do with then and felt we could manage it together. But I came away with a glimpse of the good life, it was natural and unforced and we got on so well.
It hurt me and I had told him that I felt we couldn't do that anymore that it was too much.

So we get to christmas and he explodes at me, that it is my fault that he doesn't get to be a big part of his childrens lives, that it's all my fault and how I am his greatest source of unhappiness - he quite well do without me in his life.

Okay then. No more responses to his emails, no calls answered and no contact made to him in fact it was the final nail and I felt I made peace with my life.

Well it's been none stop since then.
He emailed sporadically every few days asking how I was or how work was ? Remembering specifics or just general chat.

I didn't respond and I cut short any conversation at handovers ( he would usually come in and spend an hour or more chatting etc).
He's asked me to join him for dinners with the children - trips to the zoo and all sorts of other things ... I have obliged to some as the children were then we he asked and I didn't want to look like bad cop.

He also sent me an email apologising for his behaviour, how wonderful it was too see me so happy and content in life and that he was so so proud of me.

It then got me wondering and I guess that's what he wanted all along. Wondering if he was having second thoughts, why else would he spend so much time trying to talk to me or spend time with me, he wasn't and hasn't been interested before.

Well... I did oblige to dinner with them all last week, it was nice and the children enjoyed it. When dropping me home he made a comment about me coming home with them instead but I made a joke of it and went back to mine.
Obviously It made me even more confused and it unsettled me, if he was so happy with his ow then why all this effort.

The crux of it is I worked myself into a right state and ended up calling him very upset one evening this week and asked him why he couldn't have just left me to it. We were and always have been civil, well I have despite everything and would have remained happy in facilitating their relationship do it's not like he had to keep me sweet the children have not missed a visit to him even when he had no car I made those trips of an hour each way.

So upon asking him he said!
He was just being nice. That he hadn't thought about my feelings and wounds reopening just that he enjoyed seeing me happy and that made him happy. That I am a wonderful mum and he is proud of me and how I have turned a shitty situation into a winning hand.
That he knows a lot of exes who have remained best friends and see each other regularly and chat regularly (I know none and It seems very rare for me for this situation to arise especially when one of the spouses left for someone else ).
That he hadn't realised he had been reeling me back in.

I'm a little bit angry that I over thought his kindness and feel a bit foolish as I thought that he was perhaps having regrets about leaving us.
I half wonder if he was and the fact I called him out on it he wasn't ready or sure enough to admit that was what he was doing!

So that's my question - today is his weekend with the kids and I'm avoiding him at drop off and pick ups for the first time since we split.

Was he just messing with me.

SlinkyVagabond Sat 12-Mar-16 10:39:51

Yep, I think so, sorry. At best he was doing what he said and was just thoughtless, at worst he was continuing his fuckwittery.
Either way, get back to what you were doing to give you peace of mind.Be strong. flowers

OhShutUpThomas Sat 12-Mar-16 10:48:13

He knew what he was doing. No one is THAT fucking stupid. It was just an ego stroke.

What an utter cunt.

I know it's a cliche but read back what you've written. Could YOU ever do even half if that to another person? You are SO much better than him.

pieceofpurplesky Sat 12-Mar-16 10:51:02

Yes he was. It was an ego trip to show he still has power over you.
My exh of 16 years has suddenly started pestering for me to fill in divorce papers as I 'deserve to be free of him ' aka moving in with new gf! They are manipulative bastards some men

Bambino1234 Sat 12-Mar-16 11:04:59

Just angers me so much.
I really was happy again and I feel like he's taken me back so many steps.

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