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Partner left me, practical advice needed please!

6 replies

Grapeeatingweirdo · 11/03/2016 19:59

I've posted at length about DP and his various drunken shenanigans and it hit the fan two weeks ago when he told me after six years that he didn't love me anymore and that he was moving out.

I'm coping in the way that I'm going to work everyday, crying on and off, genuinely trying to live in the moment and get by.

I guess what I need is practical advice, I've never been single and I have never lived on my own. I'm also stupidly in love with DP and devastated that he won't come back.

How do I move on? At the moment, I am coping by not touching anything in the flat that reminds me of him. I can't handle him coming to get his stuff. I am sleeping on the sofa because I can't bear the bed.

My biggest problem is the howling despair that hits when I leave somewhere at night and realise that I have no one to go home to and no one who knows or cares whether I get home safely.

Any tips on getting through this without shooting myself in the head through sheer despair?

OP posts:

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Gobbolino6 · 11/03/2016 20:12

I've been where you are OP, and it's absolutely terrible. IT DOES GET BETTER. Much better. When it all gets too much, take some time and refuse to think about it. Read in bed.

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clashofclanswidow · 11/03/2016 20:13

No contact I'm afraid and definitely move his stuff out.

I've just come out of a 6 year relationship a couple of months ago and although it was so hard to get rid of all his things, it made it easier as I'm not finding bits of him everywhere. Just the odd sock that goes in the bin.

The no contact is really hard - I don't doubt your emotions are eating you up but you need to break away. Not only for the good of your relationship but for the good of moving on as it will either a) make him see what a prat he has been (although this doesn't mean you should get back together) or b) assists you in moving on. Delete his number or change his name in your phone to remind you not to talk to him.

It does get easier but there will be days where you think "Right, I can do this, I'll be fine!" and then the days where you can't get them out of your mind, this too is normal. Don't fight it, just go with it. 6 years was a long time and it's normal to have these feelings.

Try keep busy, I clean or organise things to distract myself or put a "non-romantic" film/read a book etc.

Good luck and big hugs xx

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DelphiniumBlue · 11/03/2016 20:20

Do finances allow for you to redecorate, or at least move stuff around so that the place looks different? Could you get a new bed, or at least new covers?
In practical terms, exercise helps, those endorphins might help you feel a bit more positive. And be nice to yourself, whether that's a movie of a choice and nibbles or evenings out with friends - make some arrangements to look forward to.

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Cabrinha · 11/03/2016 20:49

What do you mean when you say you can't handle him coming to get his stuff?
Does that mean he's coming and going?
If so, put a stop to it (even though you want to see him!). Give him a time and be out, when he has to clear all his stuff in one go.
It's harder to move on when you have that hanging over you.
Rip the plaster off.

It'll do you sleep quality no good being on a sofa - and you need sleep right now. Turn the mattress, and get some brand new sheets on it. I hate to stereotype, but maybe something "girlie", heavy floral print - something very much not his. If your house isn't rented then a new paint colour is cheap and quick and can be applied to uplifting breakup music!

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Teaandcakeat8 · 11/03/2016 20:59

I agree you need to get him to remove his stuff - I was sharing a flat with my ex and it really was so hard at the moving out stage but it needs to be done - you can't have it reminding you of him all the time. It might be easier if you're not in when he does it - give him a day to move out and go out for the day as the packing boxes up etc is really heartbreaking.

Then do as others say - it will help to move things around, redecorate if you can, treat yourself to some new bedsheets - whatever reminds you of him the most, vow to change. Clear out 'memory triggers' too; photographs, presents etc. if you can't bear to bin them then at least box them up and give them to a friend or relative so you don't have to look at them.

Then delete his number, remove social media etc. You need to go no contact and it's the fastest way.

Hang on in there, this part is the worst but honestly it does get better.