I've never had much of what u would call a father/daughter relationship with my dad! I've always felt inadequate around him like I'm not good enough. I still feel like that even now and I'm a 35 year old woman. Growing up my father was always a very domineering figure in our household. We were all afraid of him (my mum, 2 sisters and me) although there was never any physical violence he only had 2 open his mouth and we were all terrified, its just the kind of man he is. He was always very bad tempered. It was like constantly walking on eggshells afraid 2 say a wrong word in case it set him off. I remember he would come in from nights in the pub, wake my mum out of her sleep and start an almighty row for no reason at all! I used 2 lay in bed with my hands over my ears praying it would stop. On some occasions he even threw my mum out in the street. That's just 1 of many examples of what he's like I'd be here all day if I was 2 go through everything. Anyway as a result of all this I grew up a very timid, shy child. I struggled 2 make friends at school I just had zero confidence in myself. As I got older I felt very uncomfortable around boys I just really struggled in any male company! I didn't know how 2 act in front of them. I started having a lot of 1 night stands I was giving myself up 2 easily. I thought it would make them like me. Looking back I guess I was just crying out for a man 2 love me and accept me. I met my now husband when I was 26. He was and is a lovely man, total opposite 2 my father. He's kind, caring and a great father 2 our 2 children. Like any married couple we have our issues. But our relationship can be a bit volatile at times (mostly cos of me not him) we do have bad rows and I've slapped him a few times recently. I know this is wrong and I know I have a problem I think I need anger management or something. I don't wanna be this person I don't wanna be anything like my dad! Am I destined 2 feel like this forever (worthless, unlovable, not good enough)
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I grew up with an mentally abusive father now I fear I'm becoming the same
4 replies
Gems16 · 11/03/2016 15:53
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