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I have just told my husband why I am upset and he has walked out (again)

(34 Posts)
EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 15:52:47

I told him I still hurt from being hit although it was a long time ago. I told him I didn't like being called a cunt. I told him that his temper tantrums frightened me. He told me to shut up, that I was mad and to stop going on and on and on. Then he walked out. He is adamant that he is not abusive and that I am the one with all the problems. He also called me a psychopath. He called dd a psychopath too. Luckily not to her face but in front of the child psychiatrist.
I would hope that a normal person would not instantly seek to defend themselves, but would be shocked that their behaviour had had such an impact. He also thinks it has been ok to grope me in the night as it is his way of showing affection. I think he is rather surprised that I do not find it like that. Dear God.

scallopsrgreat Fri 11-Mar-16 16:00:10

Good. Wave him off with a smile. Your new life begins now. Because what is he adding to your life currently?

You will be OK flowers.

rememberthetime Fri 11-Mar-16 16:01:27

From what you have said it is time to call ita day and get him out if your life. What a foul man. Your child appears to be suffering too. Do it for her.

BeautifulMaudOHara Fri 11-Mar-16 16:02:35

Definitely LTB

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Fri 11-Mar-16 16:02:38

Protect your child and yourself and leave him please

Footle Fri 11-Mar-16 16:08:18

In addition to his other charms, he certainly knows how to impress a child psychiatrist.

girlsmum1510 Fri 11-Mar-16 16:08:27

This is how my ex husband behaved in our marriage. He still believes it was normal and I was crazy to leave him 😐.

You deserve better x

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 16:15:49

What's LTB? I was pretty angry with him. He said I lost my temper. I think there is a difference between being angry and losing it. I don't think I lost it.

TheCrumpettyTree Fri 11-Mar-16 16:17:27

Leave the bastard. And you should.

PhoebeMcPeePee Fri 11-Mar-16 16:17:33

What he thinks or says really shouldn't matter - LTB means leave the bastard and that's exactly what you should do if not for your own sanity then for your poor daughter sad

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 16:24:12

I'm meeting a woman from a refuge next week and we have a shrink appt the following week. My anger fell out of the sides. I have managed to keep calm since my husband walked out over 2 weeks ago. The pressure has been building and this morning he was slightly aggressive towards me for asking why he had left the chicken food where the dogs would eat it and the ducks couldn't get to it. He took this as a massive insult. I said, it's a question, not an order. This afternoon I suggested he did it to piss me off. He has been known to do that sort of thing. I would prefer at least a bit of honesty.

VulcanWoman Fri 11-Mar-16 16:24:36

You'll need a Locksmith to change the lock and a load of black bags to put his stuff in outside.

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 16:36:59

I said I to him I should have changed the locks when he pissed off before. He told me I can't do that and that it's illegal. At the moment I don't know where I stand legally. I am not afraid of him. I just think he's a self deluded saddo.

LoveBoursin Fri 11-Mar-16 16:38:10

YY go to see the woman from the refuge and also talk to Woman Aid.
You need to get out of there (I think you know that) but you need to do that safely, for you and for your dd.

It WILL be OK. Life wo any aggression, feeling scared and frightened, being called names and insulted will be so much nicer!

Have you talked to anyone in RL about it?
Did you talk to the Police at the time when he hit you?

LoveBoursin Fri 11-Mar-16 16:40:55

Yes don't change the locks if he is also on the morgage etc... It will be his house too unfortunately but WA will be able to give you better advice on that matter.

Maybe also get to see a nice lawyer. You can get a free 30mins talk with them (You might also qualify for legal aid depending on your circumstances)

expatinscotland Fri 11-Mar-16 16:57:22

'I told him I didn't like being called a cunt. I told him that his temper tantrums frightened me. He told me to shut up, that I was mad and to stop going on and on and on. Then he walked out. He is adamant that he is not abusive and that I am the one with all the problems. He also called me a psychopath. He called dd a psychopath too. Luckily not to her face but in front of the child psychiatrist.'

He is abusive. He is abusive. He is abusive.

housewifedesperate Fri 11-Mar-16 17:28:36

He is showing classic abusive behaviour. Making you think you're the mad one with issues, you're not.
Once you get out of the situation you will realise this. It will take a while and maybe some help but you will see this is not you but him.
Take care.

TwoKettles Fri 11-Mar-16 17:36:33

I hope the door smacks him on the arse on his way out. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your lovely new life. Live it well x

GruntledOne Fri 11-Mar-16 17:36:40

What did the child psychiatrist say when s/he heard your husband say that?

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 17:41:34

His behaviour has been seeping into my dd's behaviour. One of them has had some behavioural problems over the years, and there has been a massive elephant in the room. Domestic Abuse. My dd seems calmer now that I have told her school and there are people looking out for her. I have also said that if she was being treated by a boy how I am by my husband, I would be deeply saddened and horrified. I think a bit of light is clearing.

Seeyounearertime Fri 11-Mar-16 17:45:02

Sounds like this guy is making you very happy OP?
oh he isn't? then why on earth are you with him?

LTB

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 17:47:53

When he said that dd was psychopathic, she simply replied that, no, she isn't. It was a pretty stupid thing to say in front of a psychiatrist. Psychopath is his current favourite term of abuse. I mind the word Cunt a lot less than he does. I haven't told him he is a protate gland. Not much use in elderly men, and lots of potential to cause pain and disease....

EasyToEatTiger Fri 11-Mar-16 18:56:03

I told a RL friend about what's happening. I am getting pretty effing angry. By next week I will have to get away or I will explode. My friend doesn't realise the extent of my husband's awfulness. I asked her if he had ever shown her an act of kindness. She has always liked him. Sadly the feeling is not reciprocated and my husband is without friends for good reason. Now I understand.

RaspberryOverload Fri 11-Mar-16 18:57:50

It's true you can't legally change the locks, but you can certainly get a bolt for the inside of the door... wink

freshprincess Fri 11-Mar-16 19:01:45

He'll never get why you're upset, people like that never do. Don't get involved in rows, arguments and name calling. disengage.
Don't have him back.

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