Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The EA returns

(5 Posts)
humanmagicmarker Fri 11-Mar-16 12:41:03

My husband had an emotional affair over a year ago with a woman at work. We're working through things, and doing quite well now.

Only trouble is, he still works with her. She's been on maternity leave and therefore out of the picture for a while (she left to have her husband's 'apology baby'...) but after easter she's due back.

I can't stop worrying about things being rekindled between them, I'm in a really low place.

Any advice?

DarrenHardysDrongo Fri 11-Mar-16 17:46:46

I find it hard to consider that you'll ever find peace of mind while they work together.
What has he done to prove that you can trust him, that he's committed to you and to your marriage and that he's having nothing to do with her? He's not changed his job, obviously.

humanmagicmarker Fri 11-Mar-16 18:00:59

He has, in fairness, been truly remorseful, job-wise it's hard for him to change it, it's quite a niche-area of expertise. He has agreed to go to 4 days a week while he looks for something else.
I guess I just need some hand holding, I'm worried that something will surface again once they're in each other's company again. It just puts me on edge.

BossyOfficerFlossie Sat 12-Mar-16 10:08:20

My OHs EA was last May, found out in September, very much still dealing with the fall out now... They work together and moving isn't an option. It isn't easy, he is trying to be very open with me, I can see his face book and emails and phone etc, and his work electronic calendar complete with all meetings and attendance lists and associated messages, which is good and does help. They don't work on any projects together and won't have to in the future, but are in the same building. When I took the baby in to visit last month I walked in to her as I got out of the lift, which was awkward to say the least... It is not a comfortable situation but what makes it tolerable is how open he is being, working hard to let me know where he is and what he is up to, and tells me if he does see her at work. If she has been off for a while and had a baby perhaps enough of a shift will have happened to put it further from her mind as well as his? Why did it end? I think that makes a difference too, if it dies a death and a long time has passed then I would be calmer than if they only stopped as found out. We are always here to vent to of you need to. I found the Relate message a counsellor thing helpful when I was having a day struggling to cope and they gave us some useful strategies and explained to him what he could do and which behaviours would help me trust him more.

Hissy Sat 12-Mar-16 13:54:15

My love, you can't control this. You never could. This is all down to your dh.

Have you spoken to him about your fears? Does he listen to you?

Have you seen the Not Just Friends book?

Try to relax, what will be will be, and it won't be a thing because of anything you did or didn't do.

Whatever happens now or in the future doesn't really matter, you'll get through whatever gets thrown at you. You will get past it. You will be ok.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now