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Been done over by a liar

(44 Posts)
anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 07:07:59

I was seeing this bloke, he told a lot of lies. I had some odd jobs needed doing, and was going to call tradespeople but he told me he could do them all , in fact Said had had house maintenance jobs before so it was second nature to him. he wrecked my house.
We fell out over many things. I asked him for money to rectify the house wreckage and he accused me of being a gold digger!
It ended with me calling the police for harassment and now he's not allowed to contact me.
I have ill health and am slowly trying to put my life back together.
I've started to gave the jobs fixed, so far it has cost me £209 but there's a lot more cock ups to fix
He's not going to pay of course and now police have spoken to him it would look mad if I pursued him for this money.

His parents are rich and always bail him out. Is it worth me appealing to them? My rational brain says let sleeping dogs lie, but my dog isn't sleeping, it will have cost best part of a grand to fix it all, if not more.
I'm a single working mum . I'm so angry at myself for trusting him, he was so insistent and I'm so tired all the time, I really hate spending this money when I should have not believed him and should have paid professionals in the first place.

sooperdooper Fri 11-Mar-16 07:11:37

What an arsehole, sorry you've been through this

Do you know his parents enough to call them, or send a copy of the bill for the work? If he tries to bother you again at least the police will back you up

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 07:23:18

Hi sooperdooper. I've only met them once but the impression loud and clear is that they despair of him. He's a walking disaster encased in beautiful packaging!
I don't even have a bill for the electrical work as my friends husband (qualified) has done it for me as a low price favour.

Cabrinha Fri 11-Mar-16 08:16:11

I don't even you have any legal case against him, for letting a boyfriend do a job and him cocking it up. I really feel for you, but it is your bad judgement (understandable and horrible luck angry) but he wasn't a tradesman that you booked, just a useless DIYer that you agreed to (never a good idea to let them loose near electrics! Lucky you had a friend fix it on the cheap)

It's not his parents responsibility, but if they're really rich I suppose you could get lucky if you send them effectively a begging letter saying "I'm embarrassed to ask you but I'm in a difficult position and..." Personally I'd leave it, and fix only that which was dangerous, and everything else would have to be bit by bit.

I'm sorry this has happened, but it's not his parents fault.

Cabrinha Fri 11-Mar-16 08:18:12

For the non electrical stuff... It would take time, but would you consider self teaching and having a go yourself? You might enjoy it, and save money that way. Take it slowly and tackle only a simpler job and you might get a boost from learning a new skill!

Arfarfanarf Fri 11-Mar-16 08:25:26

His parents are not responsible for his messes. If they choose to help him, that's up to them but you cannot approach them fot money on the grounds that they normally bail him out!

If he harrassed you to the point that you had to get the police involved, what do you think will happen if you go to his parents?

I honestly would rather scrimp and pay for it myself than risk him starting up again.

In an ideal world he would be reasonable and put right his error.

But we dont life in an ideal world and what someone should do is not what they will or or have to do.

Id honestly suck it up as the price worth paying to remove the possibility of him starting again.

Isetan Fri 11-Mar-16 08:53:20

His parents bailing him out doesn't entitle you to be bailed out by them. Chalk it up to experience.

mamas12 Fri 11-Mar-16 08:59:22

You could let them know that you have had to call the polic on him because of said botched jobs and harassment as they may not know the extent of his behaviour

TooShyShyHushHush Fri 11-Mar-16 10:00:08

I'm sorry you've had such a crappy experience. But I think you have to pick up the tab yourself on this one.

It's not his parents fault that you trusted him. It's not fair to ask them to pay for that mistake.

TheNaze73 Fri 11-Mar-16 11:02:48

I have no idea whatsoever, why you'd go to his parents about this.

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 11:12:07

Thanks people. As I said my logical brain says leave it. My emotional brain said try and recoup, what gave you got to lose by approaching them. I'm trying to learn to use my rational mind after a lifetime of being emotionally driven so thank you for putting me straight.

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 11:16:52

I should just add, I never once asked him to do this work. Sometimes he'd even start on a job without my knowledge or just turn up with what appeared to be the right equipment.

He was quite insistent and I'm quite ill , many times I'd say just let me call someone. He'd lie and say his friend will come and help, he even told me he'd sorted an electrician to come and fix the electrical stuff after we'd split. Of course that was a lie.

I want to put the house on the market and can't while it's so shambolic. I don't have the physical capabilities to do the jobs myself.

I now know it was all part of his programme to make me reliant and dependant on him and his ultimate goal was to move into my home and become a cocklodger.

Finola1step Fri 11-Mar-16 11:22:17

In terms of what you have got to lose if you approach them... A bit of self respect and a large chunk of the moral high ground, I would say. He messed up but you allowed him to do it.

Finola1step Fri 11-Mar-16 11:23:42

X post. Steer clear from this man.

TheBakeryQueen Fri 11-Mar-16 11:27:12

If they were jobs that needed doing anyway and would've cost money, then are you actually out of pocket now having to pay tradesmen to re-do the work?
It doesn't quite make sense to me. Unless he has caused huge damage on top of the jobs ther needed doing which sounds implausible.
I'm sorry you're suffering at the moment, and it's horrible being let down.

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 12:43:54

Bakeryqueen, his intervention created other faults which weren't there before by stupidity and bring slapdash.
Eg fitting a Lino has resulted in cracked bath panel, huge chunk cut out of door, flooding downstairs where the Lino wasn't fitted properly and the kids have splashed in the bath
He said he could deal with the flooding so has poked inch round halls all over two ceilings to let the water drain out. It's like a house of horrors and I can't stop crying
Trying to replace a light switch has resulted in a blown extractor fan , the switch was wrong for the job so ended up with a redundant switch, hole in the wall as well as blown fan.

Thanks everyone I've got the message now, I asked for advice which I've taken on board.
I made a mistake in taking someone at their word, I was in a vulnerable place and let him mess with my head.

please stop the bashing, no need to hit a woman when she's down!

Anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 12:53:53

Oh and I no longer have a lawn thanks to his lawn maintenance.
He also God knows how broke my garage door so I know have to pay for new mechanism, he has denied all of this.

He is a tradesperson, that's how I met him, he grossly exaggerated his skills.
I didn't need a new Lino, he said I did. The only thing I wanted was shelves putting up, and a hole plastered over. the shelves fell down because he used the wrong fittings and I actually redid them myself
The replastering resulted in plaster all over the carpet

I didn't even need a new light switch, he said I should have a dimmer , it sounded nice, transpires that you can't have dimmers where there's an extractor fan, he didn't know what he was doing and told me it was a standard diy job.
I've had three electricians do a quote and all called him clown, idiot and various other names, one said he could have put us in danger as he really didn't know what he was doing, it seemed he had a very little bit of knowledge and tried to wing the rest.

He wanted to retire the bathroom, I didn't want it retiled, he insisted as his treat, he half tiled it then got bored, stuck in some horrible brown tiles which don't match anything then said he'd run out of time and I'd have to finish it myself, the paint has been scraped off the wall where he was going to tile and I have hideous tiles that don't go anywhere.
I called a decorator and he said its so disgusting he'd have to rip it all down as he cant work with what's there and he won't put his name to such crap.

Obviously on top of this I have to repaint everywhere where the water has run through the ceiling and down the walls.
We lived here happily for six years without any problems.

2rebecca Fri 11-Mar-16 13:03:06

You should have stopped him doing more after he botched one job. If he kept botching jobs and you allowed him to do more then as it's your house you are partly to blame although it sounds as though you were vulnerable. If you didn't have a contract with him and didn't pay him then you can't take him to small claims.
If he's an adult his parents are irrelevant.
At least you're rid of him now.

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 13:08:37

Hey 2rebecca I did try and stop him but he was so apologetic he kept trying to make it up to me with more crappy jobs!
I should have been firmer but I thought when he tried to rectify things that he'd do it properly and of course he promised he was going to get a builder and electrician friend in to do it so I believed him, by this time we'd split up
He spent so much time cocking it all up that I ended up paying him out of guilt! Hahahahahaaaaa!
And he told so many people he was doing all these things for me, blowing his own trumpet I felt churlish complaining.
I know I've been a twat.
Small price to pay for escaping him before he completely ruined me, I had a breakdown through the whole process, I have spent months trying to recover, I was already in treatment when I met him m he knew this so I do think he took advantage as well.

Ordinarily his parents would be irrelevant but they are very prevalent in his life trying to clear up for him all the time which is why I thought of them. I'm a grown woman, I would never normally go running to a mans parents to make up for his shit.

DarrenHardysDrongo Fri 11-Mar-16 13:09:32

Did anyone else's colours just change? OP did you name change mid thread?

Anyway, this is nothing to do with his parents. You said he's not 'allowed' to contact you, why on earth would you be considering having anything further to do with him, his family included?

Cabrinha Fri 11-Mar-16 13:12:57

No-one's bashing you, it sounds horrendous. Who the fuck thinks you deal with flooding by drilling holes in the floor?! That's not the Lino and splashes though - if there's flooding, something is wrong with the drainage from the bath. Doubtless his fault, what an arse!

You said you met him as a tradesman. Was any of this bodge job done as a tradesman for you, or only as your boyfriend? I'm wondering if there's a small chance of an insurance claim... though I suppose it's unlikely as they'd probably expect you to take him up small claims court...

If you really can't afford to fix it, and can cope with the embarrassment, you could approach his parents asking them to "loan" him the money to pay you the cost of fixing it. Paid to you not him of course! But they'd have to know about the police action too. I personally wouldn't do it and I don't think they're remotely responsible. But if you think they'll chuck a grand at you, it could be worth asking. I'd definitely phrase it as them loaning it to him (just not your business that you won't pay them back).

I can see why you're crying all the time over it, and it's really unfair. But honestly, fast forward a year and it will be history - and the whole experience long gone. Don't be afraid to call in any favour you can from friends and family to get it fixed!

Cabrinha Fri 11-Mar-16 13:17:51

Wait - so he did some of this shit, paid, after you split?

I'd look at options for small claims and insurance company.

Issuing him with small claims might be enough to send him running to mummy and daddy?

Although tbh, if it were more money I'd do this, but for a £1K (still a lot!!!) I'd leave it.

I'd want police advice before pursuing someone I had an order against though.

A PP said would you have had to pay anyway... You said you didn't need the work to be done, but getting it done will presumably be better than original state and you want to sell - so you could take some small comfort that the money now is an investment in the sale. At least on the bathroom, the lawn not so much sad

goddessofsmallthings Fri 11-Mar-16 13:35:13

I can't see that anyone's 'bashing' you, but I reckon you will take a bashing if you go after his parents as you have no case in, or out, of law against them and may find yourself with a harassment warning.

As he poses as is a 'tradesperson' and you have paid him for botched work he's done in your home, I suggest you get written quotes for the various jobs that need rectifying from creditable tradespeople and file a claim against him in the small claims court - you can do this online and if you're unsure of how to go about it I'll help you if you pm me.

Be aware that if you get a judgement against him you may or may not receive the monies you've claimed, but if he doesn't pay up he'll get a CCJ on his credit record.

Even if you have non-molestation order against him or the police have issued a harassment warning to him, there's nothing to stop you attempting to recoup the monies you'll have to spend to put his bodged works right.

anxiousmess Fri 11-Mar-16 13:59:06

No I haven't name changed halfway throug

Thanks for more replies, am rushing to go out now. He's in debt up to his eyeballs, doubt he'd get credit anywhere although possibly in wrong, people with debt seem to go on spending, anyway, I'd imagine ha already has CCjs.
The bailiffs came into his house while he was there and started removing things, he called his dad and his dad transferred money to bailiff there and then
I will look into small claims., of course I don't want to get done for harassment but the.more crap I uncover the more angry I get!

DarrenHardysDrongo Fri 11-Mar-16 14:23:20

ok OP, it's just that the colours have changed for me, and the site's been doing a few odd things lately such as the creepy brackets thing grin

I was going to suggest going after him for the money in an official capacity (ie don't contac him directly yourself, given his previous harassment) but the update about his debts doesn't leave me feeling too positive. If he has creditors all over the place, even if you won against him you'd likely never see the money anyway.

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