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Do men fall in love?

(191 Posts)
Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 19:46:55

Or at least in the same women do?

Just reflecting on life really now I am older.

They appear to be able to move on quicker?

SoThatHappened Thu 10-Mar-16 19:48:17

Id have to say no.

One guy I was involved with goes straight out fucking as soon as any relationship ends.

noisytoys Thu 10-Mar-16 19:50:38

Yes of course they do. Men have the same feelings as women and that includes love.

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 19:51:42

SoThat - yes they seem to do that more, not exactly heart broken? I have also noticed men with bereavement even in my own family have moved on much quicker than the women?

MrsJuice Thu 10-Mar-16 19:59:16

I thought so, until recently.
The man I thought he was does not correspond to what he has become.
That realization is heartbreaking.

chelle792 Thu 10-Mar-16 20:03:12

I think it depends on the man, the same as it depends on the woman. We lost a baby in August and it's cut up my DH just as much, if not more than me

MatildaTheCat Thu 10-Mar-16 20:04:13

I've known of many men who have moved on to new relationships very soon after a bereavement which has caused all sorts of problems but perhaps that's because they miss love so much.

Do they fall head over her in love as much as women? My feeling is mostly no. They most certainly love though.

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 20:05:13

Chelle - sorry to hear that glad you had lots of support flowers

ijustwannadance Thu 10-Mar-16 20:08:19

I think the reason men move on so quickly sometimes is so they don't have to deal with emotions and ignore/cover them over. Women take the time to get over hurt and process those emotions.

Oasis888 Thu 10-Mar-16 20:08:31

I think men appear to move on quicker but that doesn't always match how they are actually feeling. I've had most men I've been out with try to make a come back.

Lanark2 Thu 10-Mar-16 20:10:03

No. All the poetry, films, music, songs, literature, psychological studies etc relating to love were all written by women. The problem is that women don't always show that they would be happy for men to love them because of 'the rules' and also in case they seem like a creepy stalker, so women have to make do with men who just like them a lot and so therefore are risking less. Men who really love women are usually arrested, or get really bad colds from standing outside windows in the rain/ piniing away/starving in attic rooms, and drinking whisky to allow them to both forget and enjoy the frightening feelings pounding through their drink-freed bodies.

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 20:10:49

Or is it just lust most of them feel? Any men out there want to explain and risk getting flamed?

magratsflyawayhair Thu 10-Mar-16 20:13:25

Yes of course they do.

Women and men are equally capable of acting like total shit in a relationship. We are women heavy here and many apparently in heterosexual relationships so I think we hear a disproportionate amount of stories about the man being a shit. You'd be unlikely to post that you'd been a total knob, you'd be ripped to shreds!

pocketsaviour Thu 10-Mar-16 20:13:40

Lanark grin

workedoutforthebest Thu 10-Mar-16 20:14:00

In my experience, and in my humble opinion; they almost always seem to seek/want a replacement. Perhaps so they don't have to process their loss..

FellOutOfBedTwice Thu 10-Mar-16 20:14:00

I've never for a second doubted that they do. I'm shocked anyone is saying otherwise.

BYOSnowman Thu 10-Mar-16 20:14:21

I would say dh loves me in the way you describe as female love. My grandad was the same with my gran.

My other grandad remarried quickly after his first wife's death - not because he didn't love her but because he was desperate to replicate the strong loving relationship he had.

I think it depends on the person - not whether they are male or female - and people can be complex

workedoutforthebest Thu 10-Mar-16 20:15:08

Sorry, meant to add if relationship with a loved one didn't work out...going on a slight tangent, I know.

Whathaveilost Thu 10-Mar-16 20:15:34

Yes. I have my adult son crying his heart out because his girlfriend finished with him, he wouldn't eat and went through the same processes that I have when someone I loved finished with me. I have seen my other son giddy with excitement because the girl he loves is coming over.

I watched my grandad it for hours waiting for my nan come out of a coma with tears in her eyes because he was frightened of losing ' the only lass I have ever loved'
Of course men fall in love!

ToTheLeft Thu 10-Mar-16 20:16:59

I once read that studies have shown that whilst men fall in love less frequently than women, when they do they fall deeper and fall out of love more slowly. I think the moving on very quickly is to do with men's ability to compartmentalise better than women and they need someone else to cover up the pain of a breakup, it heist known as rebound.

Czerny88 Thu 10-Mar-16 20:18:10

Hugely cynical, and rather bitter, but in my experience men don't fall in love, although they may pretend that they have in order to get what they want.

Or alternatively they claim that they're still in love with someone else "from their past", which is their excuse for being commitment phobic and generally behaving like a dick.

Misandrist? Moi?!

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 20:19:46

Lanark2 what?

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 20:22:29

I just don't know maybe it depends what you have experienced?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 10-Mar-16 20:24:07

The way we fall in love is influenced by our adult attachment style, which is a result of early attachment relationships with primary care givers. In my experience more women than men have anxious attachment styles, and more men than women have avoidant attachment styles. Anxious + avoidant = a nightmare.
I'm not sure why the sexes are divided this way but I would hypothesise that it's to do with the way infants and children are socialised from a very early age. Males are taught to repress feelings and be tough, and females are taught to be emotional and dependent.
Those are total generalisations but I think there is a trend.

honeyroar Thu 10-Mar-16 20:25:39

Lanark2 eh??

Of course men fall in love. Some move on quickly but they've usually disengaged emotionally months before they left. Some are just as "soft" as women and get hurt badly.

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