Am I looking for problems or is our history significant?

[Everytimeimwithyou]

I've recently realised that I haven't had a great deal of self esteem as an adult. I have been with my husband since early 20s and everything big, eg, moving in together, buying a house, getting married, having children (esp this one!) has always involved a lot of misery/procrastination. But many of these things happened a long time ago, like 15+ years.

When I recently felt depressed I realised that deep down i sometimes feel like I've never been good enough for him. But that seems silly given we are married with a mortgage and 2 gorgeous children. There are lots of happy memories too, especially travelling together, holidays, great company. It's just the grown up stuff that's been a problem.

Would you relegate these things to the past, to him being young or maybe just not dealing well with change?

(as background i have posted before about recent relationshipship problems which sparked this thinking. I need to name change in case DH is reading so can't continue that thread but these are different questions, don't think im repeating anything. Things are starting to get back in track. I'm just trying to understand how we got to where we are.)

[Whirlydervish]

I've no idea of any of your history or recent issues with your dh but I bet it would be significant. There's nothing like an issue in your dynamic to whomp your self esteem.

Without that, it could be anything. Childhood issues, anything really.

Is it an idea to seek counselling to try and figure it out maybe?

[Everytimeimwithyou]

I suppose i'm wondering (naval gazing) if I had posted way back saying we're together 3 years but he doesn't want to live together would I be told he's not into me? Ditto, 10 years but won't have kids, ditto 10+ years but refuses to marry, etc.

I guess it shouldn't matter if they aren't issues now but I think all the reluctance makes me feel not enough.