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The Big Talk-Advice Please!

(18 Posts)
Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 16:17:37

About to have the big talk with my partner of 3.5 years. Moving in/kids etc or I guess break up.

Going to ask her where she sees our relationship going.
If she wants to move in here with me or has another idea
Tell her I am addressing her personality to be a mother (although not in these words)
Ask her if she wants to be a mother
Ask what her plans are in the next few years

Is this ok? Anything else I could add to this big chat? Any advice please?

TheNaze73 Thu 10-Mar-16 16:33:34

I wouldn't say the personality to be a mother bit. That sounds wrong. Don't make a big deal out of it but, be prepared to walk if she doesn't give you what you want. Good luck, let us know how it goes

DarrenHardysDrongo Thu 10-Mar-16 16:37:13

Ask her if she wants to be a mother

You've been together for 3.5 years and you've never talked about whether either of you wants kids? How old are you both?

HeddaGarbled Thu 10-Mar-16 16:42:18

You should tell her how you feel and what you want before you ask her any questions.

Custardcreamssummerdreams Thu 10-Mar-16 17:07:17

How do you know she can have kids?

willconcern Thu 10-Mar-16 17:18:43

What does "Tell her I am addressing her personality to be a mother" mean? It sounds vaguely insulting but I may be wrong. Do you mean you are sizing up her personality in terms of suitability to be a mother? If you do mean that, and you said that to me, I'd be really upset and might even bin you!

What do you want? Why don't you tell her what you would like eg. I'd really like us to think about moving in together, and in the long term, maybe start a family.

You sound as though you're preparing for an interview to find out if she is right for the job, and that you'll issue some sort of ultimatum if she gives the "wrong" answers. That would really get my nose out of joint.... and again might find you dumped.

Toomuchinfo1 Thu 10-Mar-16 17:27:01

Hey OP . . I don't mean to sound blunt - but have you not already spoken about the future/kids etc? 3.5 years is quite a long time to not have ever mentioned it!

I was always forced to talk about it at weddings/christenings etc, right in front of my BF! people love to ask awkward questions!

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 17:39:36

We have spoken about it, at the beginning she said no but has wavered in the last year so I would like her to put her cards on the table

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 17:40:15

Thank you for the idea of putting forward what I want that's a good idea

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 17:41:28

I already have a 6 year old dd so things are slightly different than if we were staring out together

pinkyredrose Thu 10-Mar-16 17:41:30

You're addressing her personality to be a mother ? Please can you explain exactly what you mean as I don't understand?

OhShutUpThomas Thu 10-Mar-16 17:47:13

Tell her I am addressing her personality to be a mother

The fuck?

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 18:19:14

I realise that sentence sounds terrible, I didn't mean it as it sounds. More over I had decided I had decided that after my first failed marriage I had made a life decision not to have any more children and when I entered into a relationship with my partner did not factor children into my decision to enter the relationship.

Now the decision to have children has been toyed with by both of us and given the benefit of hind sight, I am considering as to whether my DP would make a good parent/life partner.

The last thing I want is to be a lone parent to another child

OhShutUpThomas Thu 10-Mar-16 18:38:58

Didn't you used to be a woman?

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 18:57:34

i am a woman!!

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 18:58:14

oh shut up why would u say that????????

DarrenHardysDrongo Thu 10-Mar-16 20:38:39

So OP, you are a woman and your partner who you've been in a relationship with for 3.5 years is also a woman?

Which one of you would want to become pregnant, have you talked that through?

Why do you assume that you would be the one who would be the lone parent if you two were to split up?

Inneedofadvice553 Thu 10-Mar-16 20:51:33

I think she would want to,

Theres no way I would not be the main primary giver

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