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My best friends boyfriend is a creep..what do I do?

(9 Posts)
Tryingtobenicexxx Thu 10-Mar-16 12:25:37

4 years ago my best friend met a Italian man who had just moved to the U.K.
Within 2 months she was pregnant as he told her he couldn't use condoms but would be careful hmm.
Over the last 3 years I don't know who she is anymore.
She can't come out,she has no friends left.
He wants he at home all the time.
We arranged to go to the cinema but she cancelled as he started crying saying if she goes out she must not love Him and she is a awful mother to leave her son.
I suggested meeting in town for lunch and she can only meet me if he is at work as she says she feels guilty leaving him home alone and if he is at work he texts every 20 minutes asking where she is and what she is doing.
For my birthday we organised to go for a meal but obviously we had to go to the place where he works as a waiter.
We are eating our meal and half way through he comes over and takes her plate away..they speak in Italian and I ask her why he did that and her response was he told me I had ate enough.
She then said but he was right I was full.
Another occasion he was watching his son and she was meant to be coming to mine,she went upstairs to get changed,came downstairs and he had gone,and taken the car.
She rang him and he said "oh sorry I thought it was tomorrow"
She can't see this isn't normal.
He isn't right.
I'm scared it's going to get worse.
Do I say anything?

Finola1step Thu 10-Mar-16 12:28:10

You can tell her that you are worried about her but it may backfire and she pulls away from you. Do not let him isolate her from you.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Mar-16 12:33:19

He is a lot more than a creep, he is an abuser.

Tryingtobenicexxx Thu 10-Mar-16 12:34:57

I'm worried if I tell her my concerns she will back away from me.
At least this way I can keep a eye on her.
She used to be so confident and now she needs permission to even go for a coffee.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Mar-16 12:45:28

Horrible for you to witness thanks

here is Women's Aid advice on how to support someone who is in an abusive relationship

Tryingtobenicexxx Thu 10-Mar-16 12:50:59

Thankyou I will take a look now.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 10-Mar-16 16:12:27

It's hard to sit back and watch but I don't think there is much you can do other than what you are doing.
My DSis was with an abuser.
She knew that I knew and I just had to wait it out.
I had to wait for her to come to me.
She did and we got her out and away.
But only SHE can realise and get away.
You can drop hints but that's about all you can do.

Tryingtobenicexxx Thu 10-Mar-16 16:38:08

I think she thinks it just proves how much he loves me.
She is just so brainwashed.

Buzzardbird Thu 10-Mar-16 16:43:40

You can only be there for her when the penny drops.

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