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H called me a cunt

(86 Posts)
BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:26:28

Backstory is that husband and I aren't in a good place. We have a 5 year old and I am struggling to get problems caused by her birth resolved (physically as I haven't healed). This means we have no sex life. We have been in relationship counselling (his request) since December. He's attended 1 session alone, which focussed on lack of intimacy between us. We've had 2 or 3 sessions together, during which he clammed up and then said he didn't really get anything from the sessions afterwards. And I've had about 6 sessions on my own, which I've found fairly helpful. Biggest issue is communication, and my reaction when I think something isn't fair.

I was tidying and cleaning the kitchen when husband came in for a drink. He asked where the glass was that he'd left on the side and I pointed to the dishwasher. He told me that was his glass, that he was using it for water and that I shouldn't have touched it. I said it was a dirty glass on the worktop so I put it in the machine that cleans dirty glasses. He got angry, threw the other glass that he was holding into the sink (breaking it) and stormed off, shouting that I was a cunt and the counselling was a complete waste of money at the top of his voice. A month or so back he threw a pint of beer over me during an argument. He never apologises for his behaviour, because it was "how he really felt at the time".

It's a waste of time trying to save this, isn't it? sad

CaptainCrunch Wed 09-Mar-16 14:28:36

Feel really sorry for you op. I think you answered your own question.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 09-Mar-16 14:28:37

sorry..i try not to say this in haste but yes, its him who is one.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain Wed 09-Mar-16 14:29:05

Oh dear sad

Yes, it does sound like it.

flowers

MartinaJ Wed 09-Mar-16 14:29:56

TBH, trying to save it just makes you open for more abuse. For your own and your child sake, get out of it ASAP. Fingers crossed.

foolssilver Wed 09-Mar-16 14:30:54

Please leave him, he is abusive and no amount of couples counselling will change that.

It's a horrible situation and I have been in an abusive relationship so know how hard it is but please leave. You will be so much happier on your own with your ds and can focus your energy on healing your physical issues. Don't waste anymore energy on this man.

BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:30:56

I have an appointment with the counsellor tomorrow. Perhaps it will be the last.

Sigh. sad

Finola1step Wed 09-Mar-16 14:30:59

You know this isn't right and not salvageable. I'm really sorry.

Finola1step Wed 09-Mar-16 14:31:52

Use the appts from now on to work on what you want and how to move on.

Scarydinosaurs Wed 09-Mar-16 14:32:31

You don't deserve that.

creativevoid Wed 09-Mar-16 14:33:17

I was called a cunt and had food and drink poured over me. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. This is domestic abuse and it won't get better. If you feel your resolve wavering, read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

ollieplimsoles Wed 09-Mar-16 14:35:12

He throws glasses and poured something over you?! What unbelievable disrespect!

Did you mention that at the counselling?

BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:36:42

I don't think he is abusive. We're both quick to anger. He wants to do his job and then do what he wants to (computer games). It's my fault he's putting on weight when we have gym equipment in the house he doesn't use and he's constantly looking for biscuits and crisps. It's my fault the house is messy and I don't want to have people over/to stay. It's my fault that he works and I don't, but he also wants me around to look after DD when he's working. He thinks he contributes to the household enough by working and taking the bins out. He doesn't cook, doesn't clean, and can't even get DD's clothes together in the morning. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of feeling like his mother. I'm tired of feeling pressure to sort out our sex life when I can't bear to look at him.

BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:37:46

I told the counsellor about the beer, yes.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 09-Mar-16 14:38:20

what else is throwing beer over someone and calling them a cunt for moving your glass, if it isn't abuse?

BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:40:51

I don't know. I once punched him in the face (we were away and he disappeared - drunk - without his phone after saying he'd be better off dead). He eventually came back to the hotel and I was so fucking angry with him not listening to me that I punched him. I'm not proud of that.

BrokenVag Wed 09-Mar-16 14:41:47

I used to be so sparkly. I feel like a shell of myself. sad

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 09-Mar-16 14:45:09

Yes it is a waste of time trying to save it. You can only flog a dead horse for so long. It's clearly not working.
You and your child deserve better and you know that

XanderHarris Wed 09-Mar-16 14:46:42

To be fair, you could have said 'Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were still using it. I put it in the dishwasher'. But that obviously doesnt excuse breaking the glass or calling you a cunt. Tipping the drink over you does sound abusive to me.

ouryve Wed 09-Mar-16 14:53:33

Oh gosh, there's really nothing you would want to save, is there? You most definitely have answered your own question. sad

tipsytrifle Wed 09-Mar-16 14:54:31

He attacks you with stuff. You're being twisted well out of your natural self, turned into a being that really isn't the true sparkly YOU. Any situation or relationship that does that is in the wrong. Just my opinion.

I think you know already that his attacks will escalate; your state of mind will also become more broken and brutal. Hopefully the counsellor will shed some much needed light on this destructive marriage and you'll be able to do some clear thinking about the future and who you want to be, how you want to live.

specialsubject Wed 09-Mar-16 14:56:40

biggest issue is that he hates and abuses you. Nothing will change that.

I know it isn't easy - but get out. I wish you the best.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 09-Mar-16 15:00:50

Msy I suggest you report your post and ask MN to move this thread to the Relationships board, OP?

Branleuse Wed 09-Mar-16 15:01:02

OP, im sorry but your relationship is toxic. You really are not good for each other.

acasualobserver Wed 09-Mar-16 15:01:23

Not good that you punched him but the things you've described seem only a few clicks short of him punching you. Add to that the failure of your relationship counselling, his inability to take any personal responsibility and the fact you can't bear to look at him then, yes, it's probably time to call it a day. I hope you get your sparkle back.

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