Sorry if this is long but want to give some background. XH and I spilt at the beginning of 2015, he moved out of our jointly owned house in March 2015 into a rented property, Divorce came through a week ago. All good so far.
The problem relates to the house and child maintenance. We've lived in the house for 12 years. It is a joint mortgage but I put the £20k deposit down when we bought it. There was some money left over from the sale of my previous house that was to pay off our debts before we moved to this bigger house, we agreed we couldn't afford the house if those debts weren't paid. Moved in & a month later XH lost his job. Then proceeded to sit on his arse for 6 months while the money for the debts disappeared on paying bills. So now we're in a house we can't afford because we're still paying the debts and he's not working.
This has become a theme for the next 12 years. We had to have a debt management plan at one point to pay off the debts, he was in and out of work (more out than in) while I supported us working full time with two DC.
Five years ago after losing another job (he thinks he can speak to anyone the way he wants - god complex) he decided he was going to become self employed. He just announced it one day, no discussion.
Fast forward 5 years and I have pretty much supported us with the occasional small contribution from him. But most of the time he sat on the sofa smoking, watching TV, shouting at everyone and getting fat. He didn't help with the DC, they went to PIL if I needed help, he didn't help around the house or cook or anything. I tried talking to him to motivate him but after years of trying I gave up and told him I'd had enough.
Since he left a year ago he has paid no child maintenance. It was brought up in mediation but he said he only earns £7k a year and couldn't afford it and nothing else was said. I've tried getting something set up via my solicitor (for which I now have a huge bill and nothing to show for it) but he either ignores or denies or gaslights. So today I have contacted the CMS.
Then there is the house. I can count on one hand the amount of times he has contributed towards the mortgage in the last 10 years. There is only around £6k equity because we got a secured loan a few years ago. He wants £3k from me to sign the house over to me.
When we split I gave him £1500 to use to get a rented property. He is now denying that and is saying that the £1500 came out of our joint account so it was marital assets (it didn't, I paid him from my business account). He also says that it was me repaying money I owed him - £1000 inheritance from his Nan and £500 for fixing my car. This is bollocks and I have documentation to prove it.
So my offer was for £1500 (already had £1500) but if I didn't make a CM claim for the rest of this year then that would cover the £1500. I wouldn't have to pay him anything and he wouldn't have to pay me anything for the remainder of the year. He's refused this offer.
So we've reached a stalemate. I honestly don't think he deserves to get a penny from me, I have worked hard for 12 years supporting the family. My Solicitor's advice is to offer him a small amount but he wants the full £3k and I don't have that money.
So the other option is to take him to court to get this agreed but I already have a solicitor's bill for nearly £1000 just for sending letters to get this sorted (and it didn't) and I can't afford to start court proceedings.
I have offered a Mesher order to be set up on the house but only for the £1500 regardless of how much the house sells for in the future. I don't see why he should get a share of any future equity when he is paying NOTHING! Again that was refused.
I realise that this is a control thing for him. He is a very controlling man and has difficulty with the fact that I decided I didn't want to be with him any more.
I just don't know what to do next. I don't want to just leave it because I want him off the house and I would like to move at some point in the future.
Sorry for the essay, if you're still with me then please give me any advice you wise people may have.
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Reached a stalemate
13 replies
Balders74 · 08/03/2016 17:58
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