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I am such an idiot

(21 Posts)
NorfolkEnchantsToday Tue 08-Mar-16 17:11:15

Background I have DD aged 3.5 and I've been single for 4 years.
I've been incredibly cautious with dating and when I spoke to a friend I was being too over cautious really, being spontaneous could have huge benefit to my confidence.

I started talking to a guy on online dating yesterday, went for coffee at lunch, then he came over yesterday evening.

Totally not my normal type, older (14 years) and a police officer.

We shared a bottle, and yup somehow I managed to sleep with him! Quite good actually, not had sex for a year.

Thought it went really well.
Confidence soared!
Surprise surprise: he doesn't want to see me again, we aren't compatible!

More fool me, naive I know but we connected enough to have sex!!!!
I've never done anything like this before!
I now have a very bruised ego and a nasty hangover headache.

More fool me!!!!!!

Quityabitchen Tue 08-Mar-16 17:22:31

Don't be too hard on yourself, he's a typical online dater, charming and witty, flattering you into bed.

Bonus for you is the sex was good - he could have been a pump n squirt merchant with a button mushroom for a dick.

Hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong.

pocketsaviour Tue 08-Mar-16 17:23:55

He doesn't owe you a date because you had sex with him. Equally you don't owe him sex because he brings over a bottle of wine.

I don't see what you've lost here or why you have a bruised ego. You wanted sex, you had it, now you know this man isn't interested in dating you. Next!

NorfolkEnchantsToday Tue 08-Mar-16 17:24:40

True, it's just I guess no one likes rejection

RandomMess Tue 08-Mar-16 17:26:04

Unfortunately he could be married and that's how he gets his kicks, actually either way that could be how he gets his kicks!!!

Onwards and upwards wink

TealLove Tue 08-Mar-16 17:26:36

Rejection is awful. I see why you feel the way you do.

Toomuchinfo1 Tue 08-Mar-16 17:28:01

Don't worry about it. it has happened and you haven't done anything wrong.

I guess you just learn from it, and if you don't like how you feel today, then maybe don't do it again in the same way.

If it's a relationship you are looking for, then make them wait a bit before taking them home.

but like I said, you've done nothing wrong and it sounds like you had a nice evening. just take it for what it is and move on xxx

niceupthedance Tue 08-Mar-16 17:28:02

That sucks. I don't think it's spontaneity you need to cultivate so much as being unconcerned about the outcome in the early days. Hard to master but definitely helps with online dating.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Tue 08-Mar-16 17:28:48

I think you sent out all the wrong messages, having him over to your house the very same day that you met on-line.

He's either a serial shagger, or - he's looking for something serious and now he thinks that you're a serial shagger.

It's total double standards, but ime, men who are looking to find a serious relationship, generally frown on women who sleep with them on date 1, because they assume that the woman is sleeping around/easy/not serious.

Next time, take it much more slowly. I'd say not have him anywhere near your home until date 5. even if you are totally gagging for it

you're very lucky he wasn't an axe murderer

NorfolkEnchantsToday Tue 08-Mar-16 17:30:14

Thank you all yes I was very lucky and very very silly

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Tue 08-Mar-16 17:31:50

It's easy done. After 4 years of being single, no wonder you were up for a shag. I would be too. flowers

hmcAsWas Tue 08-Mar-16 17:31:54

Live, learn, move on

Helmetbymidnight Tue 08-Mar-16 17:33:57

I'm not interested in the kind of bloke who thinks badly of a woman he sleeps with on a first date. I'm surprised any woman would go for someone like that.

Op, forget about this one- hopefully it's a reminder that you can still have sex(!) and enjoy trying out new fellas (if that's what you'd like)

NorfolkEnchantsToday Tue 08-Mar-16 17:43:43

I guess the thing is I'd really love a relationship I just do everything all wrong, over cautious under cautious etc

stumblymonkey Tue 08-Mar-16 17:50:35

When I was OLD I used Dita Von Teese's quote as a mantra:

"You can be the juiciest peach in the world but there will always be someone that doesn't like peaches"

You are the juicy peach my friend!

NorfolkEnchantsToday Tue 08-Mar-16 17:53:02

Thank you

wallywobbles Wed 09-Mar-16 07:53:54

To my mind it's always good to sample the merchandise early before you are emotionally involved then you will know if it's worth going for.

Exh waited for too long and sex was shit but I was so emotionally involved I married him!!

fieldfare Wed 09-Mar-16 08:02:07

Don't over think it and be honest about what you want.
If you just want sex, that's fine. When I was OLD I had a couple of guys be very surprised that I didn't want the hearts and flowers, I just wanted a good shag! Then after a year and a half I decided I was ready for another proper relationship so I changed my profile, changed my behaviour and had a couple of short relationships. Didn't work for various reasons, but I was realistic about what I wanted, what I needed and what I wouldn't stand for.

Don't worry about this one! Move on and try again. Have fun!

NorfolkEnchantsToday Wed 09-Mar-16 09:23:17

This is all very true

hownottofuckup Wed 09-Mar-16 09:25:25

You didn't start talking, meet and sleep with him all in one day did you?

VulcanWoman Wed 09-Mar-16 09:29:43

It's easily done, onwards and upwards, best wishes.

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