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Am I in love with her?

(29 Posts)
mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 12:59:38

As a man I feel a bit misplaced on here but looking around it looks like these are just relationship questions so I hope you can help. I feel a bit confused about how I feel about a woman and wondered if maybe I am in love with her.

I have loved one other girl once (I am late twenties) but that wasn't the same and it built up a lot more slowly whereas this is like being hit by a truck.

I do know her quite well and like her as a person a lot, she is probably one of the kindest, cleverest and funniest people. I fancy her more than I have ever fancied anyone. It's a bit abnormal how much I fancy her I think I can't even fancy anyone else if I tried to. I love being with her, it makes me feel excited, happy, relaxed and at home and she just fascinates me when she talks and she gets me to see things in a new way. I have no idea really what she sees in me. If I think about losing her, I feel really sad.

Is that what being in love is?

I haven't ever felt such a powerful feeling before about anyone but for various reasons I wasn't seeing her as a girlfriend (which I know she wants).

Fireandflames666 Tue 08-Mar-16 13:58:49

It sounds like you do. However it could just be lust clouding your thoughts. Think about it this way, would you feel this way after you slept with her?. I've know men be obsessed with woman, then cut all contact when they get what they want (not all men are this way, I know).

It does sound like you care about her a lot though.

mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 14:25:22

Hi thanks for answering. I have already slept with her lots of times, and yes, felt that way much more so afterwards.

Fireandflames666 Tue 08-Mar-16 14:29:20

Then there is your answer. You are in love smile

mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 14:35:46

Well I was wondering if maybe it was lust clouding my thoughts, you know, even though I've already done it doesn't it mean it's possible that I just find her really attractive and like her a lot?

I know most people just know these things but I find it hard to figure it out because I definitely didn't want to fall in love with her and I wasn't looking for anything serious but now I feel there's a possibility I have underestimated my feelings.

Fireandflames666 Tue 08-Mar-16 14:40:03

Well these things sometimes happen. I never meant to fall in love with my partner either. And we're still here eleven years later with two young children.

There's less chance of it being lust if you've slept with her before and you still feel those feelings.

plantsitter Tue 08-Mar-16 14:40:38

I'm going to be like my Grandmother here. i.e. speak as I find.

Grow up. Late twenties is not a kid. Shagging someone who wants a relationship with you and prevaricating about whether or not you are ready to get serious with her is known as keeping somebody dangling on a string. Or, keeping your options open or (and my grandmother would NEVER say this) cunt teasing.

Clearly if you can't hink about anyone else you're in love with her. Frame yourself, before she (hopefully) gets sick of your game-playing antics and finds someone less commitment phobic.


mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 15:04:34

Thanks for answering. I will do some thinking then. I'm not trying to play games I was just confused about what I wanted.

TheNaze73 Tue 08-Mar-16 15:13:53

I think love means something different to everyone. I would interrupt what you have said as lust personally

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Tue 08-Mar-16 17:22:19

I haven't ever felt such a powerful feeling before about anyone but for various reasons I wasn't seeing her as a girlfriend (which I know she wants)

So, you're sleeping together, but she's not classed as your Girlfriend yet?

Oh dear, you really need to sort your head out - and fast. Because she sounds lovely. And for every commitment phobe of a man, there's another guy waiting in the wings, who will also think she is amazing and who has no problems committing.

You sound like a player, tbh. And her friends will be telling her that she's being played.

lavenderhoney Tue 08-Mar-16 17:31:20

People generally want what they can't have. You sound quite besotted but not dating her as that's what she wants. Things might seem different if you were actually dating.

If she won't date you but wants you as a friend and sometime FWB, it won't work because you have feelings for her, and will get very upset indeed if she dates others. Cards on the table ASAP, if she doesn't want to date you, then no contact for at least 30 days even if it's her birthday, and get busy, get dating others and don't mope about.

springydaffs Tue 08-Mar-16 17:35:03

Why didn't you think she is girlfriend material op?

Fairenuff Tue 08-Mar-16 17:37:33

What are the 'various reasons' OP, that might change things somewhat.

mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 17:53:22

Well I wasn't looking for anything really, the time in my life was mean to be about travelling and experiences and I haven't had much of that. I am also doing a degree and working full time and feel like that would make it hard to give enough time to a relationship. Admitting here that yeah I probably do have some fears of getting into a close relationship. Lots of reasons for that.

In terms of her, if I were looking to settle down then for various reasons she probably wouldn't be the person I was looking for. She has children for one thing and that is a big thing in my head because I always pictured the traditional family and I just didn't see it fitting.

Sorry if that sounds bad I am just being honest.

springydaffs Tue 08-Mar-16 18:19:52

You've hurt her already by messing her around - I can't honestly see you won't carry on hurting her one way or another. If you love her, let her go so she can find someone who adores the entire package.

Fireandflames666 Tue 08-Mar-16 18:21:46

Nothing wrong with being stepdad. My real dad wanted nothing to do with me and my brother. My stepdad was an amazing bloke, I miss him.

Sort your head out

musicismylife Tue 08-Mar-16 18:55:11

No, I don't, personally, think you are.

You haven't made her your girlfriend (even though being intimate with her) and shed not the one you'll settle down with because she has children.

Stop dillydallying- either you want her or you don't.

musicismylife Tue 08-Mar-16 18:56:08


mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 18:58:39

I know there's nothing wrong with being a stepdad I just hadnt prepared for it. It started as a one night stand and then here I am and I just wanted to work out what I flt about her so I could decide whether to commit or let her go. I am tying to do the right thing and sorry if I sound selfish but I wasn't planning my life to take this direction.

springydaffs Tue 08-Mar-16 19:03:57

If you loved her nothing would stop you getting to her.

You're entranced. Not the same as love. For a start, if you loved someone you'd never want them hurt even a tiny bit by anyone.

Fairenuff Tue 08-Mar-16 20:46:50

I don't think you love her. Have you told her that you don't see her as marriage material because she already has children, for example?

If not, you are not being honest with her and that's not love.

blindsider Tue 08-Mar-16 20:59:24

Is this a wind up?

This plonker is late twenties and he can't work out whether he is in love with this girl he has on a pedestal and thinks is too good for him, what do you think love looks like ? Should it come with a badge?

blindsider Tue 08-Mar-16 21:01:19

Just read the rest of your posts and the impression I get is you need to grow the fuck up, you don't love her, you realise you are dicking her about and you are on here 'looking for permission' to continue to do so. You sound a complete prat.

plantsitter Tue 08-Mar-16 22:19:51

Well, actually, now you say she has kids I'm sympathising a bit more with you. It's not a decision to take lightly. However, unless you want to be a complete cock, stop shagging her while you think about it, eh?

mgmaner Tue 08-Mar-16 23:03:15

It's been more like something casual and I know she wants it to become something more and I didn't want to take that decision lightly. I did tell her from day one I wanted casual so haven't strung her along or hurt her. I'm not very good at emotions or whatever and tend to make decisions with my head based on practicality but in this situation I have felt pulled both ways and didn't want to regret either choice.

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