How do you maintain a happy relationship for life?

[stumblymonkey]

I don't have a great relationship history...I'm 33 and before my current DP my longest relationship was two years long in my mid twenties.

I love my current DP a great deal, we're a good match in a lot of ways....of course neither of us are perfect and he has his own odd/occasionally annoying habits as I'm sure I do too.

We're in it for the long term...we are TTC DC #1 and will get engaged and married and both believe strongly in working to maintain that for a lifetime.

Rambling a little but just painting a picture.

Having never been in a relationship longer than 24 months I do worry how to maintain a relationship for so long?

How can you ensure that you don't fall out of love?

[pocketsaviour]

You can't ensure you fall out of love, because both of you will change over the years and children especially are the major breaking point as you suddenly realise you have massively different values and approaches.

You will grow as people - if you're lucky you'll grow in the same ways, or in ways that complement each other.

Statistically your relationship is likely to fail, because most relationships do.

TBH... most of the relationships I've seen where people manage to stay married, a lot of them say "Oh the secret is you just have to find a compromise" however the compromise seems to mainly consist of swallowing your anger, bitching relentlessly about the other person behind their back, turning a blind eye to affairs, or placating an abuser.

Sorry, I'm not really feeling positive today

[FishOn]

We're 21 years in and my best advice is to be nice to each other.

I see so many people having petty squabbles and playing games, makes me - this is supposed to be your most favourite person in the world. Treat them as such.

[Arseface]

DH and I have been together for about 20 yrs and I'd say the three things that keep us together are:
Making each other laugh frequently,
Being on each other's side,
Talking to each other, with the clear goal of sorting out any issues, when things go wrong.
Sounds a bit trite but, along with still feeling attracted to each other, that's the crux of it.

[jollyjapes]

Love them in the first place and not enter a relationship of convenience (eg for a baby, or not wanting to be alone) would be my number one rule..

Be kind to each other always and don't forget basic manners just because your in a relationship.

Don't be petty.

Unless there is abuse/adultery etc and assuming my first rule has been met try not to make any decisions about a relationship until your DC has past 3 yrs. Babies and toddlers are adorable but they can suck even the best relationships dry for a while!

And even though I wasn't married when DC1 was born, and it worked out well, MN has made me see that marriage is more of a biggie than I thought.

[stumblymonkey]

Thanks for the advice...I feel like we're on the right track.

We never squabble or have arguments as we always talk things through and we're both pretty good communicators.

We are also always very nice to each other...there's no taking each other for granted or expecting the other one to deal with our 'worst side' because we're together.

Hopefully this will set us up well for the future!