After a marriage which ended badly after an affair and some ea some years ago, I've picked myself up and have a generally happy, very independent life. I've sorted out a lovely home, am doing well in my job, have great friends and the dcs are thriving. I'm proud of this tbh.
I've been with dp since about a year after separation. We generally get on brilliantly, he makes me laugh, we're affectionate and we have lots in common. We don't live together (for practical and financial reasons), I spend child free weekends with him, he's here when the dcs are. He has a stressful time consuming job, but often takes on additional duties and study which makes this worse. These eat into his time and energy to the extent there's very little left for me.
Things came to a head out of the blue this weekend when I accepted a party invite for a future weekend without realising he'd committed to something work related. (He hadn't told me) Rather then discuss this and come to an agreement, he flew off the handle (I think, in anticipation that I'd be hacked off) and laid into me about how I didn't understand his job, and because I "take lunch breaks and organise raffles" (I'm in a management level job fwiw) I can't possibly imagine the pressure he's under. It wasn't the argument but the way he was which really bothered me - he had a nasty tone which
I got upset because I felt he was just belittling me and because the argument felt unexpected and unfair. His job, though hard, is not life and death and comes with a good deal of perks, whereas being a working single parent without any family support really doesn't tbh. I feel stretched and tired virtually all of the time. I don't think he gets how relentless it is. I don't make him feel bad because of that. It's just the way it is right now.
I felt I got a real wake up call about how he sees me and it's really shaken me. I think it's also triggered some of the feelings I had after arguments with Xh, who was just contemptuous towards me by the end. The same gut churning feeling. Dp and I have no dcs together, no financial ties, I'm not actually reliant on him in any way at all and the temptation to just walk away from this is really strong. He's apologised and I don't doubt he means it, but I'm struggling to get past it. I'm unsure if I'm over reacting so I've asked for space to think it through.
Thanks for reading, it's helped just to get it out.
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Relationships
Relationship has very suddenly hit a crunch point - confused and upset
Whirlydervish · 07/03/2016 19:26
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