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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

cheating

40 replies

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 16:54

Ok so had a little arguement about mumsnet today in rl ... Cheating when is it ok to cheat ? I ve notice post and i am one of the people that would lite a fire under anyones arse for cheating ... But my oh said i could say to someone about cheating because they have the same mental health conditions as me ... Well i don't think because my partner having mental health issues is a good wnough reason to cheat if you don't want to be with someone don't be with them . what right does anyone have to justifie cheating ...i don't no ,what does anyone else think ? And feel free to abuse me if you don't agree i've got thick skin

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Report

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 16:54

Couldn't

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AnyFucker · 07/03/2016 16:56

Did I read it right that your partner is ready to excuse cheating on the grounds as having the same MH disorder as herself ?

is this really a hypothetical question ?

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 17:05

No not hypothetical we really did argue over it we both see it differnt

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Seeyounearertime · 07/03/2016 17:08

It depends on the person or people in the couple.

Personally I wouldn't put up with so much as a kiss behind my back.
Even flirty texts would be a question mark.

Once trust is broken, its broken.
Once someone puts your feelings to one side to mke themselves happy, they're not a partner anymore.

DarrenHardysDrongo · 07/03/2016 17:09

What?

DarrenHardysDrongo · 07/03/2016 17:11

That was aimed at the OP (as in first post of the thread, not the poster), not you, Seeyou. x post

DrMorbius · 07/03/2016 17:27

Cheating when is it ok to cheat ?

That's easy, when there is no chance of getting caught

WeveGotAHomelessLove · 07/03/2016 17:40

So your partner thinks its okay to cheat because she has MH problem? Or your partner thinks you shouldnt flame someone for cheating because they have meantal health problems?

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 07/03/2016 17:45

So, your Partner is cheating then, or planning to. Simples.

Yoksha · 07/03/2016 17:46

Is your OH trying to tell you something?

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 20:04

I bloody hope not ...no she read a post. And was telling me about it . usually if someones cheating people have no problem with having something to say about it . well this one was differnt because she has other issue's . i did n't see that , i just see cheating . so now because were arguing i thought i'd ask you what do you think ? This is the first time we have seen something so differntly. Then the conversation evoled and she said that if she was with someone else she would still want to check in on me . after everything that with been through (mh problems related to sexual abuse from a close family member) . so i was wondering are there reason to justifie cheating emotional or pshyically

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AnyFucker · 07/03/2016 20:16

I don't think so

and it's not ok for your partner to cheat either < waves >

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 20:23

Lol . any fucker i still don't think so either. I couldn't . if i thought that i had let someone in close enough for me to have feeling that are elusively for my partner, that would be enough for me to leave. i wouldn't want to hurt someone like that . espeacially not her . there is not one reason in my head that i could justifie it .

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Halftruth · 07/03/2016 20:31

Mrmorbius ...honest answer ... Why do you think that ?

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Halftruth · 07/03/2016 20:39

See you nearer time .... Your right. differnt strokes for different folks i guess . so is there no excuses to justifie cheating . or what excuses have you been given ?and what excuses have you given ?depending on your view

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Seeyounearertime · 07/03/2016 20:47

so is there no excuses to justify cheating?
No

or what excuses have you been given?
My Wife cheated because she was "bored"
An ex cheated because some random guy made feel "flattered"
An early Girlfriend cheated because she was drunk

and what excuses have you given
None, i've never cheated. I've always held the belief that if your willing to cheat on someone, you shouldn't be with that someone.

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 20:52

Thanxs for the honesty . i don't think some people realise the damage it causes .Even when your no longer in that relationship . Do you find your less trusting with new relationships now ?

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LobsterQuadrille · 07/03/2016 21:05

Someone I'm very close to had an affair. She'd been married for 20 years, two DC. Her DH had been diagnosed with a serious debilitating illness early on in their married life which eventually meant that he was wheelchair bound, incontinent and, in addition, his mental health was seriously affected - he was essentially a different person. She ended up worn out and ground down and had an affair with a family friend. I'm not excusing it but she wouldn't have left her DH even though she really didn't have a husband/wife relationship of any sort with him.

Halftruth · 07/03/2016 21:37

See now that's doesn't justifie cheating . i'm hiv positive and to think that when i get to the point i'd be ill enough not to give my Partner the sexual attention she need's ,i would be devasted . i might be in a bad place as well so it ok if she cheat's on me because i can't support her emotional needs . no it's still wrong . great post

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Halftruth · 07/03/2016 22:05

Another post about being cheated on . i just don't understand .Why don't people talk to each other anymore? I'd rather be having the arkward conversation about what needs to change for us to move forward ,then having to confess or lie my way out of cheating.

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TheNaze73 · 07/03/2016 23:44

Spot on Halftruth Talking about issues which are making people look elsewhere seems to be out of fashion

Halftruth · 08/03/2016 00:05

I just want some honest answer's that's all . maybe a bit of enlightenment ! People have got a lot to say on here and there are alot of differnt oppions i just wondered what they really were thanxs for your post

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tallwivglasses · 08/03/2016 00:41

If I'd found out my ex had cheated on me I'd have never consented to more sex with him, I'd have never had a child with him. I felt conned. To me it's a kind of violation. And as for those who make out their partner must be 'crazy' for being 'paranoid' when it turns out their suspicions were correct - to me that's unforgivable.

Halftruth · 08/03/2016 01:03

Yes i agree it's definatley twisted . having your inside's knotting ,your heart breaking and your head in a hypervigalant state. I just don't understand why does some one want to intentionally or unintentionally on there behalf want to do this to somebody . how do they think this is justifiable? Someone plz give some insight it's not about being abusive or any of that i just really would like to see what you think i'm genuinely courious

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Halftruth · 08/03/2016 01:03

Thanxs for post

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