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Very frustrated with him

(51 Posts)
Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 21:31:56

Ok, so I'm in a long-distance relationship. Guy lost his job a while ago so he spends his days online or watching tv. He wants to move where I am.
I am in the process of looking for a better job so we can move in together.
He expects me to find a way of making this happen in the next couple of months or else he threatened to just cut me off and move on.
While he is there spending his days in this constructive way (being sarcastic here), I am applying for jobs, having interviews etc and still trying to make ends meet.
He went on about how he is tired of the situation and either we move in soon or he'll move on. He is worried about whether he'll find a good job where I live since he doesn't have a degree. I emailed him a pdf about the tests you have to undergo for a certain career that he could pursue without a degree but that still pays well here in the UK and he hasn't bothered to read it yet. He is more bothered about going online on image boards and all that, talking about sport and half-naked women and watching TV. I have built all this resentment towards him because I feel like it's all on me and not only he's not doing anything to help things get to where we both want but he's also stressing me and moaning that he's frustrated!
I haven't discussed this with him as I know him and he'll just turn it around and say that then I can just walk away and stuff like that if I am not happy with him. What I want though is just for him to understand that since he's not the one who's got to deal with all the pressure that he could be at least helping by not dumping more stress on me with his supposed frustration.

Msqueen33 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:37:08

If you've not yet moved in together and you're in the first flushes of romance and he's behaving like this frankly I'd let him move on with pleasure. He should be pulling out the stops not lazing about moaning. Think hard about what he'd be like if kids were involved and a whole load more stress. I would personally let him go.

category12 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:37:52

What are you doing with him?!!


hesterton Sun 06-Mar-16 21:39:56

Goodness sakes move on! He's horrible. He'll just get worse when he's your cocklodger.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Sun 06-Mar-16 21:41:13

Sounds like a cocklodger wannabe. My advice, don't do it, drop him like a hot potato before this goes any further!!

StEdmundsPippins Sun 06-Mar-16 21:41:25

I haven't read one positive thing in your post, OP.

*HE expects you to find a way of making things happen for HIM.
*HE moans about the situation.
* HE can't be bothered to read info on getting a job - info YOU sent him.
*HE spends all his time online.
*I bet HE'LL expect YOU to fund his move too.
Blimey. You move in together and guess what - you'll still be writing the same things about him year on year. Why? Because he's lazy and A user.

Run away far and fast. Don't look back as there's nothing but pain and misery for you there.
You go get that better job to make a better life for YOU. If you get it, and he moves in with you, you will be the only one working - because why should he?

Duckdeamon Sun 06-Mar-16 21:42:25


gamerchick Sun 06-Mar-16 21:42:53

Come on lass what are you doing? Tell him to bog the fuck off confused

Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 21:45:32

Forgot to mention that he speaks to other girls as well, especially one. He told me he would stop talking to them once we actually live together but for now he won't. Sort of like he wants to have back ups if I don't manage to make this happen within a couple of months I believe.
He thinks there is nothing wrong with it since according to him there is nothing between him and them. If it was me doing that, he wouldn't be happy I tell you. He'd be calling me bad names.
Anyway he's seen one of them naked. This girl apparently found his contact among his ex boyfriend's contacts on a messaging app and messaged him. The ex then got to know they were talking and showed him pics of this girl naked telling him he didn't care if they were talking. This girl is quite younger than him and probably did that to spite her ex but they seem to be talking on a regular basis now and I have all the reasons not to like this. I have to worry about getting things done quick and also worry about him getting closer to other girls.

I feel like an idiot just writing all this down and I;m amazed at myself that I am putting up with this. I don't even know myself why I am letting him behave like that.

Duckdeamon Sun 06-Mar-16 21:50:58

Yes, why are you?

Dump the loser. Never speak to him again after that. Reflect on why you ignored what must have been many, many red flags that he's a loser and treats you badly.

ImperialBlether Sun 06-Mar-16 21:52:57

Where is this twat from? Please say he's in another country. We've got enough twats in the UK without gaining another one.

Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 21:56:01

He's from overseas, so not in the UK.

UnitedQueendom Sun 06-Mar-16 21:57:15

This reads like a wind up OP, I'm not doubting you, I just mean he sounds so awful that it's hard to see why you'd even contemplate moving things on with him, let alone moving in with him!

BirthdayBetty Sun 06-Mar-16 22:01:47

Why, just why? confused

Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 22:02:19

Yes, I am sure it reads like that. It's true though. I suppose I have low self-esteem

category12 Sun 06-Mar-16 22:07:49

Do yourself a massive favour tonight and delete and block him.

Tomorrow is a new day. Make something of it.

Cabrinha Sun 06-Mar-16 22:10:37

You'll have even lower self esteem the longer you stay with him love.

Just end it - mail him, do it.

All this effort you're currently putting into him (who sounds awful - threatening to dump you if you don't earn enough to move him to the UK in a short enough time? Opening looking at naked photos of other women?") you could have been putting into counselling, or reading self help books.

Just do it! Feel the fear and do it anyway. Don't be his passport whilst he's flirting with (and come on - why not sleeping with?) other women? You could mail him and dump him literally NOW. What a relief for you!

ImperialBlether Sun 06-Mar-16 22:15:00

Oh don't just dump him!

Send him an email with the heading OMG!

Then say: "Oh my god, I did the lottery on Saturday night and I've just realised I've won! I had the millionaire match! I'm going to London tomorrow to get a cheque for a million pounds - I can't believe it!"

Then block him.

Iwonderif Sun 06-Mar-16 22:18:31

Please please dump his ass.

You're worth so much more. You'll never trust him, never in a million years. Leave him where he is.

You do not need him. Flick him the v's and concentrate on YOU. flowers

Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 22:19:32

He wouldn't be sleeping with other girls as he doesn't believe in premarital sex. It's not about how much I'd earn, it's about just having a house of my own so he could be moving in with me and then get a job here to start a family. He says he wants a good job so he can provide for a family and ideally not having me work but look after kids.
He has said many times that this needs to happen now in a couple of months max or he'll be forced to cut me off and move on as he can't keep at this he says. He's fed up and all that.

Iwonderif Sun 06-Mar-16 22:23:17

You seriously think that when he's here in the UK he'll be faithful?

That you'll trust him?

Please please see what we can see....

He's making a fool out of you. He's a big fat dirty user.

Build up your confidence and self esteem. He's a nasty piece of work. It's going to get far worse the minute he's over here.

Cheeseburgler Sun 06-Mar-16 22:23:40

Thanks for the support blush

Iwonderif Sun 06-Mar-16 22:25:31

You're worth so much more OP. flowers

Openmindedmonkey Sun 06-Mar-16 22:27:00

Get rid.
Sorry to be harsh, but the relationship seems a bit one-sided to say the least (& to say it politely).
Think of the joy you'll feel when you find someone who will treat you properly, with love & care.
Do it now.

StEdmundsPippins Sun 06-Mar-16 22:30:21

Sweetheart, you let him move from where he is now and in with you, and he'll be a massive millstone around your neck. possibly forever or at least a very very long time

He is telling you what he thinks you want to hear, just to keep you sweet.

And him saying it needs to happen within a couple of months or he moves on, is him piling on the pressure to make you panic into giving him what he wants.

The red flags are waving so wildly you should be able to see them a 1000 miles away.

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