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I hate him!!!

(55 Posts)
hurtandconfued2016 Sun 06-Mar-16 11:03:12

So had baby on Tuesday there and have a 2 year old ex left 7 weeks ago.
I have never been so angry/tiered/hurt, had baby by csection and I am in so much pain it seems at night it gets so much worse to the point the last 2 nights my mum and dad Ave had to take her and do the feeds as I can't move without being sick from the pain! I was breastfeeding but I'm not able to because of the pain in my back making me really unwell.
Now the thing is is the father of my 2 kids who hasn't met my youngest yet is off on paternity leave for 2 weeks hasn't seen either of our kids! I am left to have all the sleepless nights, being in pain trying to lift her and look after my 2 year old. I emailed him his week to ask him if he wanted to see the kids and he said he doesn't want to meet the baby because he doesn't know when he will see her again (even though 3 weeks ago I sent him a lawyers letter to Say he could have her 3 days one over night but because I won't organise contact threw his parents or be allowed to ask if my kids are okay when he has them he hasn't asked to see them!
I am struggling so much I have my mum and dad helping but it should be their father that should be helping!!
He mum has been making such an effort with wanting to meet up with me inviting me over with the kids and stuff but he claims I'm a bad mum still!
Last night I felt like I was not able to do anything for my children but wanting to do everything for them!
How can someone not want to meet their daughter? ? Or see their son? Put their new relationship with ow before their family??
Not text or email to see if they can see their kids it's not like i would tell him no or that but in the 7 weeks he has been away he hasn't once text to ask how the kids are (even after the birth on tuesday)!)
Think I just needed a wee rant thinking about how he is off for 2 weeks and I'm here struggling to do anything with the kids and it's like he isn't bothered!!!

fusspot66 Sun 06-Mar-16 11:06:55

He's a worthless piece of shit. Taking the paternity leave but not parenting at least his 2 yr old.
I hope you're in less pain

Buzzardbird Sun 06-Mar-16 11:07:03

He really is a prize shit.

I hope you feel better soon. Thank God your parents are supportive.


Dollius01 Sun 06-Mar-16 11:07:03

Why the fuck is he taking paternity leave? I would be struggling not to report him to his employer for that <<unhelpful>>. I fucking hate this man

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 06-Mar-16 11:10:04

You have every right to be angry. He is behaving very poorly (understatement).

However, he won't suddenly change. I think if you can accept that he is just a shit father, a deceitful employee, and a generally terrible human being, and stop wishing for him to be different than who he is , you will be a lot less stressed out by it.

Congratulations on the birth of your little one, by the way. I'm really happy to hear you have your parents helping you. Please call on all the help you can - you need it and deserve it.

You have no energy to spare on thinking about shitty exes when you have so many more important things to focus on.

kittybiscuits Sun 06-Mar-16 11:11:32

He is despicable.

You will get through this. You might not think you will, but you will. Why are you in so much pain? Is the midwife coming out?

kittybiscuits Sun 06-Mar-16 11:12:27

Sorry - posted too soon. Please do get yourself checked out medically. Thinking of you in your toughest of times flowers

whitehandledkitchenknife Sun 06-Mar-16 11:15:08

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a such a tough time. Agree with RiceCrispie.

And just a little tip re feeding - try piling up pillows on your lap to take some of the strain off your back, whether breast or bottle feeding.
Take care.

RandomMess Sun 06-Mar-16 11:16:32

I agree about needing to be seen about your C-section it sounds like there is something wrong if you are being sick through the pain.

For your own sanity detach from your ex. Don't contact him at all. If he wants to arrange contact to see his dc he'll be in touch. Focus on you and your DC everything else can wait.


MyMoneyIsAllSpent Sun 06-Mar-16 11:20:37

I had 2 C sections and remember being told not to lift anything, my Ex was very helpful to be fair. I also think you need to get checked out and try to get as much rest as you can. Congrats on your lovely new baby. flowers

hurtandconfued2016 Sun 06-Mar-16 12:14:32

I had spoke to his employer but because he handed in my matb1 from he is entitled to it! Which is crap because he never even asked how she was after the birth or show up at the hospital even though his family did!! He said because 6 weeks ago when I found out about he other woman I said he wasn't to come to the hospital because I couldn't be around him but in those 6 weeks I have apologised 4 times to him invited him to the csection (he said he wasn't coming as he couldn't stand to be around me) in person and via email and text but yet he still claims the reason he didn't come is because I said he wasn't allowed!
The pain is in my back and stomach I have the midwife today the pain killers they have given me is paracetamol so isn't doing much!
I am just beating myself up today that I am giving up breastfeeding and worrying that if I give it up is she going to get ill!

sooperdooper Sun 06-Mar-16 12:22:06

What a disgusting excuse for a human being, I've never heard of a man taking paternity leave but not seeing the baby!! I'm utterly appalled sad

Can you get to see a doctor today? If you're in that much pain I think a trip to A&E is called for, is anyone with you now to help with baby and your toddler?

sooperdooper Sun 06-Mar-16 12:22:34

Sorry, just seen you're seeing the midwife today, good

pocketsaviour Sun 06-Mar-16 12:30:37

Legally he is entitled to paternity leave. Morally, he's a disgusting piece of shit.

So sorry you're having a rough time of it. Hope the midwife can offer some help today.

Colchestergal Sun 06-Mar-16 12:44:12

He's a dick and is unlikely to ever be a real man and take responsibility for his children.

I know it hurts, but stop having expectations......he is only going to let you down. Let your family carry on helping til you are back on your feet.

Dont contact him or beg him to see his kids. Ignore him. He is playing a game and you are his pawn. I bet he's loving every manipulative move he's making.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Congratulations on birth of your daughter smile

AKissACuddleAndACheekyFinger Sun 06-Mar-16 12:54:36

He's a complete bellend but you know what?? The loss is entirely his. Please take great pleasure in nailing his balls to the wall financially when you divorce him.

Please don't feel guilty if you need to give up breastfeeding. The breastapo will have you believe that your baby will grow two withered heads if you do this, but she'll be just fine. She just needs you X

Finola1step Sun 06-Mar-16 13:03:43

He's an utter prick. I'm angry with him on your behalf.

Right now though, the priority is you. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. Can you talk to your midwife about the pain just in case of an infection?

You have wonderful parents. You and them are enough to show your dc all they need through life. But focus on your own health right now. flowers

whitehandledkitchenknife Sun 06-Mar-16 13:21:32


MadameJosephine Sun 06-Mar-16 13:43:13

What an arsehole! I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. Congratulations on your squishy new baby but please do talk to your midwife about pain relief, you don't have to suffer. Accept all offers of help and do what you feel is right for you as far as feeding is concerned, your midwife is there to support you with this too, whatever you decide.

As far as the paternity leave is concerned your ex is most certainly NOT entitled to it as the eligibility criteria clearly state that he should be helping to care for the baby. His employer may not be interested but I'm sure HMRC would be!

hurtandconfued2016 Sun 06-Mar-16 14:36:11

Midwife has just been there if I stop breastfeeding I can take cocodamol for the pain and I have to call the doctors first thing in the morning for the pain.
My family have been great my sister has taken next week off work to help with the kids too which will be a big help!
The money thing has already caused many argument because he pays the mortgage (which both of us have moved out of now me for help with the kids and him because he can't stand to be in the house)
I pay the gas and electric but he doesn't pay me maintenance or buy anything for the 2 kids. But apparently this is unfair as he can't have a life as he has no money!!
That's very interesting that he isn't entitled to it as he hasn't even met her yet even though he says that's down to me moving the goal posts (not walking 2 miles to the local shopping centre for him to see her)

hownottofuckup Sun 06-Mar-16 14:43:40

He's a selfish idiot. You apologised to him 4 times? Ffs why?? Don't waste any more apologies on him.

hurtandconfued2016 Sun 06-Mar-16 15:02:29

I apologised for loosing my temper and telling him he wasn't to be at the birth I know stupid but at the time I felt bad for hurting him with things I had said!

BirthdayBetty Sun 06-Mar-16 15:07:14

Jesus, he's a complete cunt angry

KERALA1 Sun 06-Mar-16 15:19:24

I don't know him but find myself hating him too op.

pallasathena Sun 06-Mar-16 17:10:35

You are hurt, angry, confused and in physical and emotional pain. You have two tiny children and a 'husband', who is neither a proper man nor a proper human being from what you've said here.

And, you deserve, your children deserve, so so much better.

It is what it is o/p and in facing it, you overcome it. You will survive. You will, indeed thrive given time, distance and determination and the love and care of your family, which you have in spades.

I wouldn't contact him now o/p. Maintain a dignified silence and refuse to engage with him personally. You need to instruct a solicitor to act on your behalf and sort out the finances. Make sure you have house keys returned or the locks changed and any arrangements for access to either the property or the children go through formal channels of communication. This is a first step to taking back your power. He isn't worth your tears or your regrets over what might have been. He's a nasty, pathetic loser.

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