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Am i going crazy

(5 Posts)
ocpwr Sun 06-Mar-16 06:13:03

Im married with 5 kids and currently 14 weeks pregnant with number 6, i have quite bad depression too, but I'm on medication for it.
Number 6 was a total accident which i am to blame for because i tend to forget my pill sometimes, even though it was a shock I'm happy but my husband is not and wanted me to have a termination.He doesn't talk about the baby to me and i feel pretty alone with it all.

The problem is i feel like my husband plays mind games with me,if i do or say something he doesn't like then i feel punished by him. Such as an incident this week was i called him a liar over text for something trivial so now he's making it sound worse than it is and won't talk to me properly or hug me and is basically saying our marriage is over.
He slept in the spare room for 2 weeks a month ago which i can't remember what i did for that one.
Basically what I'm trying to say is if i do something or say something that he doesn't like then he withdraws affection from me, sleeps in spare bedroom and threatens to leave me,usually i don't quite know what I've done to deserve that kind of cold treatment.
The threat of divorce is given to me so many times throughout the year, To get him to act normal with me i always end up apologising and telling him ill be better. My bugbear with him is that he will never apologise to me or the kids ever.

This post probably doesn't make sense because i find it hard to write down but he makes my head hurt because he makes me feel like I'm crazy and that i imagine all this stuff. Yesterday i had a mini breakdown and wanted to kill myself so he watched as i swallowed some pills while crying but he wouldn't hug me at all, who does that?
He wouldn't admit to treating me like this and i feel he would say that its all in my head.
Right now i feel so sad and heartbroken and unloved, i love him with all my heart but i feel so confused. Im very suicidal right now and if it wasn't for my kids i don't think id still be here.

ChalkHearts Sun 06-Mar-16 06:19:02

You are not crazy!!!!!!

He sounds horrible and vile. He sounds like a monster. And is probably causing a significant amount of your depression.

You won't be able to heal while you're in a relationship with him.

ocpwr Sun 06-Mar-16 06:26:30

Thats the problem though he comes across as a quiet and very clever man, no one would probably say a mean thing about him because he's generally a nice guy to everyone, thats why i always wonder if I'm the terrible one in the relationship.

ocpwr Sun 06-Mar-16 06:39:01

He's recently said to me that we don't go on dates anymore is because he doesn't enjoy going on them with me, he's told me that he won't hold my hand while out because it makes him feel uncomfortable, he's only with me because of the kids and I've lost count of the times he has threatened to leave me.
But then we can have periods that are good and then i seem to ruin it somehow.

ChalkHearts Sun 06-Mar-16 06:53:42

It doesn't matter what other people think of him. They don't know the real him.

You do. And he is awful. Really awful.

You need to end this relationship. You really, really do.

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