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Why does my girlfriend wants me to take time to figure out what I want in our relationship but then gets upset when I don't contact her ?

(32 Posts)
Lash123 Sun 06-Mar-16 05:28:37

Well..... I put my question in the topic. Just wondering if anyone can give me some feedback about this. I was supposed to think about what my relationship deal breakers are, what I want out of our relationship .... that kind of thing. I was under the impression time was needed to figure this out, now I received a text suggesting that the fact I hadn't called or messaged her today was a sign that I really don't value her or our relationship. I'm confused so please help smile

MoggieMaeEverso Sun 06-Mar-16 06:25:27

1) How long has it been? Maybe she thought it would take a couple days and you haven't contacted her for 3 months.

2) Tell her you're confused and see what she says.

Pollyputhtekettleon Sun 06-Mar-16 06:31:34

She is obviously wanting you to figure out something specific but won't say it. I hate games in a relationship. Tell her you thought she meant you were to take time to think on your own but now you ate getting fed up with being in the wrong again. Tell her to tell you exactly what the 'right' behaviour would have been from start to finish.

noisytoys Sun 06-Mar-16 06:49:41

Have you been together a long time and she is desperate to progress the relationship? It seems odd that she so pushing you away and wants you close at the same time. Mixed signals?

LastOneDancing Sun 06-Mar-16 06:54:48

Oh god, I hate these kind of games.

She wants something but isn't going to tell you what - you have to guess.
My guess would be you're moving too slowly for her - she wants some kind of commitment.

HeddaGarbled Sun 06-Mar-16 08:27:30

If you love her and want to commit to a future with her, you would know that now and wouldn't need any time to think about it. You taking time to think about it has demonstrated to her that you're not wholeheartedly committed so she's upset. Time for a clean break, I think, rather than prolonging this. Less painful all round in the long run. Like ripping a plaster off. Be brave and mature and decent.

MidnightVelvetthe5th Sun 06-Mar-16 09:28:43

Why did you have to think about your deal breakers & what you want, what's happened?

MadeMan Sun 06-Mar-16 09:45:13

I wouldn't want a girlfriend/wife who gave me homework to do at the weekend.

When have these test answers got to be handed in by?

Katenka Sun 06-Mar-16 09:58:33

It's game playing.

You were meant to contact her very shortly after telling her what she wanted to hear.

Wether that's that you love her, or want to get married etc.

Tbh I couldn't be arsed with this sort of behaviour from a partner.

thenewaveragebear1983 Sun 06-Mar-16 10:01:00

This is clearly one of her deal breakers then. If one of yours is no game playing, then it doesn't look like its going to work out.

TheNaze73 Sun 06-Mar-16 10:08:58

That's manipulative crap. Don't ever put up with this game playing from anyone.

Arfarfanarf Sun 06-Mar-16 10:18:08

Because you werent supposed to do that.
You were supposed to say whatever it is that she has in her mind that she wants but isnt saying and you were supposed to do it straight away.

And she shouldnt have to tell you what she wants, you're supposed to know. Mindreading is evidence of love, apparently.

And now youve failed some sort of test.

I bet she said this yesterday and texted you first thing this morning??

As said above, it sounds like mind games. Dont play.

MrsSteptoe Sun 06-Mar-16 10:50:15

If one of [your deal breakers] is no game playing, then it doesn't look like its going to work out.

^^ this

You're not falling into line, OP <wags finger>

firesidechat Sun 06-Mar-16 10:53:04

What everyone else said.

A bit more info about length of relationship etc would be useful.

TwoMag314s Sun 06-Mar-16 10:56:17

Did you split up to figure something out but she didn't tell you what she really wants, and you don't know what it is you're supposed to be figuring out!

I don't mean to sound really patronising but I'm assuming you're both about 19. :-/

flippinada Sun 06-Mar-16 10:58:07

Well, it depends. Could be she's playing mind games, could be a reasonable request but we don't know unless there's more context.

TwoMag314s Sun 06-Mar-16 10:59:21

So, what are HER deal breakers ? Whatever they were, Im guessing you didn't feel that you were able to agree with them, so, in the interest of being ''equal'' she sent you away to think harder and give you the opportunity to give her some of your own deal breakers!?

It sounds like you're not meeting in the middle. Get your coat and your bag and go! brew

gamerchick Sun 06-Mar-16 10:59:56

Yeah I'm thinking young as well.

Tell her you're not a mind reader, you're not going to play her games and if she wants a grown up chat then she knows where you are.

I wouldn't be impressed with being given homework either.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sun 06-Mar-16 11:02:20

How long have you been together and what was the thinking about your relationship all about?

Buzzardbird Sun 06-Mar-16 11:03:25

Why, do you think, she has asked you to do this?

flippinada Sun 06-Mar-16 11:09:53

I suspect this may be one of those posts designed to "prove" how irrational and ridiculous women are and that MN is riddled with man haters.

Could be wrong though.

Arfarfanarf Sun 06-Mar-16 11:20:20

If so then its backfired because it has shown quite the opposite overall.

flippinada Sun 06-Mar-16 11:29:00

Yes it has.

TwoMag314s Sun 06-Mar-16 11:58:17

Yes, the OP is so vague. No reaction to it, supportive or unsupportive would really prove much either way. Where is the OP?!!

OurBlanche Sun 06-Mar-16 12:16:19

Well, he is obviously taking his time and considering all the advice given.

Or lives in a different time zone

Or got up for work at 5ish this morning and will be back when he has finished

Or the gf has caught up with him and he is happy/in big trouble

We may never know smile

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