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Dilemma about ex, WWYD

(3 Posts)
MovingOn2016 Sat 05-Mar-16 14:08:14

Hi, just looking for some advise, sorry if this is long.

Myself and my ex partner was together for 8 years from being very young, we have 3 children together.

The relationship was good for the first few years and then around 3 years ago his behaviour drastically changed and he showed a complete different side to him.

He started going out 24/7 never spending any time at home changing with friends choosing to go out over our family every time. He also became very very abusive emotionally, physically and financially.

I let it go time and time again hoping that it would go back to the way it was. It didn't and my breaking point came last summer he abused me for a final time and I decided enough was enough reported it to the police.

It went to court and I was granted a restraining order which is still in place now. I am so happy that I got out of the relationship, my life is so much happier now, I'm enjoying being single and I don't miss him in the slightest so no regrets there.

However since we split he has not seen or asked about our children once nor have any of his family.

I don't have a clue about his life now as I have not had contact since the split last year, through the court process the police informed me that all he kept asking was what about my kids, will I still be able to see my kids.

This was talked about and our restraining order states that he can still have contact with the children as long as it is arranged through a third party who was mutually agreed or through a solicitor.

So what I don't understand is why push for it when you have no intensions to see it through. It is like he has just moved on in his life and is pretending he never had children, like they don't exist to him and his family anymore.

I worry about the future in case he leaves it for years and then makes contact and I have to deal with the children being upset and confused while getting to know him.

Also if they never make contact with the children, they will never know their dad or his side of family and I worry in case that will affect them negatively when they get older and whether they may resent me for it.

I ideally wanted to have regular contact in place through a third party so the children had both sides of their family but we would never have to see each other. He just seems obviously not interested.

I'm wondering whether to contact the third party we agreed on to ask if he does want to see the children and set up regular contact before its been to long.

I just want the best for my children and want them to know all of their family but don't know what to do for the best. WWYD?

MovingOn2016 Sat 05-Mar-16 14:09:58

Advice* blush

Heatherjayne1972 Sat 05-Mar-16 14:14:17

I'd send a brief message to the third party just to see what's going on and then leave it
The ball is in his court then

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