Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Adult temper tantrums... How normal are they?

(34 Posts)
EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:01:53

I don't think it is particularly normal to lash out. Am I wrong?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Sat 05-Mar-16 09:02:41

What do you mean by lash out? Physical violence is never good.

Lweji Sat 05-Mar-16 09:03:11

Some adults do have them.

But what do you classify as an adult tantrum?

Marchate Sat 05-Mar-16 09:03:26

Has someone lashed out at you?

It's nasty, not normal

Bambambini Sat 05-Mar-16 09:08:45

Yes, clarify. I very occasionally have lost it with the kids and have a screaming fit which isn't great. But other than that - no tantrums with partner or other adults. Though, first few years of being together was a lot more highly emotional with outbursts and we lost control occasionally.

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:10:51

Shouting, verbal abuse. On and on. Out of control.

twirlypoo Sat 05-Mar-16 09:11:15

I threw my plate of food on the floor last week..... I am thoroughly ashamed of myself (no kids present) but it's a total one off and the person who I was arguing with apologised for their part in it too.

Think it depends on context?

ProfGrammaticus Sat 05-Mar-16 09:11:46

Not normal. Not acceptable. Not ok.

twirlypoo Sat 05-Mar-16 09:13:41

Sorry, cross posts. No, I don't think your situation is normal. Are you okay?

CheckpointCharlie2 Sat 05-Mar-16 09:15:08

Not really normal no.

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:28:05

When I was much, much younger I broke things. Decades of therapy have put paid to that! I have been trying to contact Women's Aid and I have been in touch with family shrink.
He told me that losing his temper is normal. Hmm. It is sooo destructive. He is also without shame.

Moonchild74 Sat 05-Mar-16 09:33:29

Kids have temper tantrums. But when adults have them, it's psychological, cause we should be in control of our own emotions as adults. Its damaging to everyone around us. Not normal or healthy in any relationship.

DoreenLethal Sat 05-Mar-16 09:36:01

No it is not normal to have temper tantrums. Does he have temper tantrums at work or with friends or just with you?

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:37:56

Just at home. He called dd psychopathic once. Luckily the shrink put him in his place. Not sure he was listening to her though.

claraschu Sat 05-Mar-16 09:39:36

Normal to lose your temper sometimes, and maybe occasionally to say something you might not really mean. Not normal to shout, verbally abuse, or do any kind of physically aggressive or threatening thing.

MsColouring Sat 05-Mar-16 09:41:00

Who is having the temper tantrums? Is it you?

The reason I ask is that I used to have temper tantrums when I was married to my exh. I used to feel very ashamed. I have never had a temper tantrum with my new dh or in any other context.

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:47:43

No I don't think I do lose control. My husband blames me for his outbursts and tells me I have a bad temper. He loses it, and blames my family, has called me a cunt amongst other things. It is not nice. He also walked out. Well, stormed off.

Joysmum Sat 05-Mar-16 09:49:54

There's a big difference between a one off reaction and going on and on out of control. The first isn't desirable (understatement), the second is not normal.

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 10:00:08

He has been told he is depressed. What is the difference between clinical depression and sulking in order to control? I now suspect his depression is more about control than a disordered mood. I don't know.

DoreenLethal Sat 05-Mar-16 10:25:21

Yes that's not a temper tantrum that's abuse.

MoominPie22 Sat 05-Mar-16 10:46:10

Hi, I read your other thread. Did u say he's had 20yrs of counselling? Well if he's still having outbursts and behaving inappropriately after all of that then I would split up personally.
It should never become the norm in a relationship and it sounds like he's beyond help if he can't even take responsibility and always blames you or anyone else but himself.
I'm assuming he's had Anger Management in this time too? I couldn't live in this sort of environment and it's unfair to subject kids to it also.
He will never change. Why don't u tell him u wanna end it?

Marchate Sat 05-Mar-16 10:49:58

Type Abuser Profiles in the search box above, scroll down to Addicted and Mentally Ill Abusers. You may recognise your 'depressed' partner there

EasyToEatTiger Sat 05-Mar-16 11:05:06

I'll take a look. Thank you. I have contacted the psychiatrist and let her know that I think I am married to someone who doesn't like women.

Lweji Sat 05-Mar-16 13:11:51

He could be depressed and he could be abusive.
He does seem abusive from your description.
I gather he's been in treatment. Has it made any difference to his behaviour?

Zaurak Sat 05-Mar-16 13:14:12

Depression is a terrible thing.

It doesn't cause or excuse the behaviour you're talking about. Ask yourself if he's talk to his boss like that. If the answer is no, he can help it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now